My birthday is coming up soon. Last year I said to myself I would try to change things not be depressed be more social get some education. I didn't come close to doing any of that. I try to think positive about things. But I'm an uneducated bum with no friends no job. The last person I tried to be social with suddenly stopped talking to me why I don't know. It hurt. I don't see myself going anywhere with my life. I feel like I should crawl into a hole and die. What is happiness? I wish my mind would go away. All my thoughts go away.