I Hate This --triggering

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Sydx, Jun 28, 2010.

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  1. Sydx

    Sydx Active Member

    I don't even know why I bother posting here anymore because I know as soon as I click submit, I'll probably continue to give into the desire to cut again. My wanting to fight against this urge has disappeared at this point in the road.

    I know it's not safe and it's not healthy but at times I feel like I have to cut. Then there's those times I don't even think about it or feel at all, I just do it. Yeah I hate it and it adds to my self-loathing but I figure even if I don't like it, at least it delivers the punishment and the release that I need.

    I don't know what originally triggered this depressed episode that's been lasting months now or what first set me off this time, but lately it's been the cutting itself triggering more SI. I've been unintentionally cutting deeper than I ever have and I never realize this until I see all the blood and it just pushes me further into that mind set...

    I don't want to stop, but I'm still scared. I'm very scared of myself and I hate this.
     
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Sydx. I'm still trying to understand what drives a person to pick up a sharp object and cut oneself. What worries me is that you say that there are times when you're not even thinking about it and you end up cutting yourself. This tells me that you have basically programmed yourself to cut compulsively. Try hard to resist the urge to cut.
     
  3. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Causeing myself pain seemed to give me some control back. My emotions I could not control so I would cause myself pain to be more in control. This is just one of the reasons why I did it. It really is complex. Blessings..
     
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