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I hate this world

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Disconnected, Aug 16, 2016.

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  1. Disconnected

    Disconnected Member

    I used to be in a better place last week, but now feel like shit again. I have an exam this week and the stress of college, the insecurities and the feelings of depression are all coming back again. I can't get myself to study. I can't talk to my mother because she says I just have to work for it, she doesn't get that it's stronger than myself.

    I feel like a failure, why can't I just be a good student..

    Ever since finishing high school I asked for a sabbatical because I was so burned out, but I never got the chance. Every year of college made my depression worse and after 4 years I now pretty much live in isolation, I never want to go out, I never want to do anything, I even suddenly quit talking to my own friends sometimes because I feel so bad.. Anyways, I'm getting off track again, sorry.

    So when I have a vacation I start feeling a bit better, but it still takes a lot of time. Step by step I start to get out of my shell again, trying to reach out to friends. But I don't get enough time, school and work are just around the corner and I fall into my pit again...

    It's a never ending cycle and I'm getting so sick of it. I want to escape. But it's just life, so maybe I just want to escape life itself. I really feel like school and work are killing me, but what can I do about it? I just don't want this, I never asked for a life like this, it's not worth it to me!

    Does my depression come from within? I think so. But I honestly believe that people are natural creatures and we are moving away from our nature, and I think that's the reason why I feel so bad. In another world I could have a normal life, but this is just the way our world works, and as I didn't ask for any of this, why wouldn't I have the right to end it? I can't help that I just can't adapt to our unnatural way of living because some greedy fucks enslaved our world with capitalism in the name of profit.

    I don't know what to do with myself, I really don't.
  2. Zeke171

    Zeke171 Active Member

    Sorry to hear your so depressed. Yeah, the Capitalist system can really suck your soul out of you...Not knowing the nature of your work/or schooling, is it possible to try another line of work? Or do you feel to committed to doing what your doing? There are lots of jobs out there that do not strictly apply to gaining as much profit as possible. Can you use your schooling to try to work at a similar job that doesn't require you to feel like some corporate drone out only to make as much loot as you can? Maybe thinking outside the box and look for something that allows you to be creative, and not just a cog in the industrial wheel. Anyways, try to stay upbeat as best as you can, and don't let yourself feel trapped, because there is always a way out - it just may take some patience and perseverance to achieve a better life for yourself.
    IamTetsuo likes this.
  3. taniababy

    taniababy Member

    I agree with Zeke the world that we as humans created is an unnatural way of living. If you are a deep person it can become impossible at times to stomach. I worked on and off as a wage slave for 30 years - most of it was awful. Five years ago I left my job ( voluntary redundancy) to become a small business enterprise person. I would rather not work at all but if you need to self employment can be the answer.
  4. Disconnected

    Disconnected Member

    Thanks for the support, the first two years of college I studied marketing, with the idea that it'd be a creative study. At that time it was the only study I'd see myself do, because I didn't have the skills for real art school imo. But it disgusted me instead, and after those two years I started my design studies.

    I should note that during these 4 years, my depression and isolation became gradually worse, and the more alone I became the more I learned about the system, geopolitics,... so my values and beliefs became more and more radical, but not less true to me.

    At first I was really motivated with my new studies, but it became clear that it all had one purpose once again: using my design/creative skills to persuade people in spending their money on stuff they don't need. It all just goes against my values. So my motivation gradually decreased until it became non-existant. The point where I am now.

    I can't imagine another study I'd prefer, I can't think of a job besides volunteer work, but I can't live from that alone, I need a plan. I even thought about moving to Pitcairn island, no joke. I'm just sick of it all.

    I've thought about self employment too, but I just don't know how I could make money all by myself without going against my core values...

    And thanks again guys, I can't talk to anyone else about this, they all say I just have to keep going, but I know I can't.
  5. Flaxney

    Flaxney Well-Known Member

    Hello, have you ever considered any sort of volunteer work? Perhaps you can use your marketing skills for a humanitarian cause. Either way you would be helping to make a positive impact, even if it's small. Is it possible for you to hike at all? Maybe surrounding yourself with nature will help to uplift your spirits somewhat. Regarding studying, perhaps you could try breaking your study sessions down via the Pomodoro technique, it helps with concentration issues, supposedly. Isolation is something that I can't really suggest anything for as I am still trying to solve my own issues regarding that. Not everything in the World is awful, for example, these statistics:


    And here is a positive video:

    Finally, this: http://imgur.com/gallery/ChZ2U

    I hope that you manage to figure things out.
    Disconnected likes this.
  6. IamTetsuo

    IamTetsuo Well-Known Member

    There are definitely issues that could be addressed in the modern world. Humans become another commodity to be used by the capitalist system to make the number s go up and up forever. It seems like we work for the systme rather than vice versa. But there is a lot of good stuff in the world too! If you focus on what you don't like it can make it seem like the world sucks.

    Marketing could actually be used to do a lot of good, it just depends what you're trying to achieve and as you know the world could do with some better messages getting out there. You could work for Greenpeace or Oxfam, or a health food company or even a company that provides some kind of spiritual service. There is nothing wrong with money or selling things to people (in theory).

    Try to stick with it, maybe take an extra year to finish your studies? Hope you'll feel better.

    This is an interesting video about money and society.

    Disconnected likes this.
  7. ragermoon

    ragermoon Active Member

    I'm sorry to hear about how much stress and pain this is causing you.

    This society has a pretty specific standard held in place. Get good grades, graduate from a 4 year university, get a good paying job right out of school. This is hard enough to do when school is difficult for you and when college is INSANELY expensive, but your also expected to maintain your friendships/relationships, job if you have one, your own mental health, etc. it's absolutely NO WONDER why so many people feel so overwhelmed and therefore depressed or anxious. It's really hard to not feel like a failure.

    You're totally right about humans moving away from the natural world and how this might cause or help you to feel bad. Between our total obsession with technology and social media, and our rigid society it's no wonder you feel "disconnected". But you're not the only one.

    Maybe try to do school at your own pace. take part time classes. Hell, take one class at a time. Take a semester off to recharge and gather yourself. If your major is the problem, look into switching majors. Try a school or program that is focused specifically on what you want. Make use of tutors to help you through the hard stuff. No one is good at everything. Don't be afraid to make things more doable for yourself. Don't worry about not being done with school fast enough or what people have to say about how you do it. It's YOUR education, your money, your precious time.

    Also, many schools offer free counseling to students struggling with their academics or other personal issues, and that may be worth looking into.

    you may even realize that school isn't for you at all, and that's okay. It may sound like a crazy idea in today's day of age, but it's not. You can be successful without it. But it's all up to you and what you want in life.

    Remember that your mental health is more important than how well you do in school. Don't put it on the back burner. Good grades, while they may be important to you, are NOT worth you feeling like you want to kill yourself, or losing all of your sanity or self confidence. It's just not.

    I wish you the best of luck.
    IamTetsuo likes this.
  8. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am unsure looking for reasons to blame for the way things are is particularly effective as a coping or adjusting mechanism. Things like allowing ourselves to be caught up in anger about capitalism or the way things work doesn't change the way things are and anger (with the exception of perhaps very occasional blowing off steam as a relief valve) typically makes situation much worse. It also is a pointless discussion because people evolved to this system because they wanted 40 hour work weeks and vacations- things that did not exist in the "natural world" where everyday is a struggle for food and there is no such things as holidays or vacations- it is an evolution that allows for days off , vacations, time in the evening or whenever according to your work/school schedules to watch tv/play video games/ sit around and do nothing but be depressed even- all things which in the old system of daily survival were unheard of- and even the 40 hour work week and that type of thing was completely unheard of less than a century ago - and there was no such thing as overtime pay / holiday pay / no OSHA for safer work environments- basically - the system is not perfect but the belief that there was some much better system or that the system has not been improved upon greatly in the last 50 years is quickly dispelled by talking to anybody over 80 or so , or watching national geographic channel. More to the point- allowing and fanning anger at the system uses up energy far better spent trying to find a way to adjust your environment to your needs or you to your environment when one cannot change the world around themselves.
    IamTetsuo likes this.
  9. Zeke171

    Zeke171 Active Member

    Alright, I try to remain apolitical on this website, but as you are the forum owner, and have brought up a political debate to make your point (which, I agree that blaming the current geo-political situation does not help as a coping device unless you are actively protesting such policies) I wish to remind you of an institution called slavery which justified itself with much the same premise: The slaves were taken from subsistence hunting/gathering and given "civilization". They no longer had to struggle for food, shelter, ect. according to their masters. They were given decent housing, fine clothing, plenty of food during good times and hard times, and even given the Sabbath Day off to sing and dance and rejoice in the Lord. They no longer had to worry about daily survival, so wasn't their lot better, reasoned slave holders? Wether the shackles are made of iron or made of thoughts impressed upon him from birth, a servant is still a servant.

    To quote Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas: " Man has come to realize that if he is to have material "success," he must honor the folklore of the corporate state, respect its desires, and walk the measure of its thinking. The interests of the corporate state are to convert all the riches of the earth into dollars. Its techniques, fashioned mainly on Madison Avenue and followed in Washington D.C., are to produce climates of conformity that make any competing idea practically un-American. The older generation has in the main become mindless when it comes to criticism of the system. For it, perpetuation of the corporate state and its glorification represent the true Americanism. "If only the world were like us, everything would be perfect.""

    To dwell on the capitalist system we find ourselves living in, and placing all blame upon it, are non-productive. However, to realize that the system is fundamentally flawed for your common, average person and the desire to make a personal change to limit its impact upon your life - be it chosing where you work, where you live, what you consume - I believe is a reasonable, and even beneficial use of your mental energies.
    Disconnected, ragermoon and Brittless like this.
  10. Brittless

    Brittless Well-Known Member

    I agree with you. Slavery still exists -no thrives within this system, and not just by thoughts impressed upon others, but actual shackles. The world is just less up front about it and hides it better, normally within the fine print. Heh. I also think people should be angry, or at least moved to do something about it. That's the only way for progress.

    That's all I'm saying.

    Disconnect, I am sorry you are going through this cycle. I've been where you are. If you ever want to discuss it with me, feel free to PM or start a conversation with me.

    Stay safe.
    Disconnected likes this.
  11. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Comparing this system to slavery is actually very very insulting to many and belittling the concept of slavery (aside from absolutely ludicrous). Is far better to if you do stay off from the political slant- which you have initiated in this and several posts, and as I said - pointless anger as opposed to making responsible choices in how one conducts themselves and makes personal choice decisions as described is not productive in any way. If you are in fact "actively protesting" - this is not the forum to choose to engage in your protest on.
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