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I hate this

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MoAnamCara, Oct 15, 2012.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Hate, hate, hate, hate.

    The inability to do stuff. The vicious circles of emotions. The tears. The lack of physical contact. The lack of one, anyone, that truly knows me and gets me. The thoughts, the loss. The return to si and similar.

    Why can't I get it fucking together?????
  2. forsaken1

    forsaken1 Member

    I know it sounds stupid, but maybe because something is preventing us from getting together? Its just how we were born, and as a result of how we are and how everything experience has shaped us. I feel the same way, sometimes I feel some hateful that I get tired and can't feel anything, its like I'm dead and I just there empty in pain, like pain is the only thing to keep me alive.
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Okay, what do I do? Completely overwhelmed, need to talk to someone o r do something.
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am here...text away
  5. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    When I have been going through those, the inability to think clearly, the raging emotions, the excrutiating loneliness, it has been a product of the grief I'm going through. There is not anything that you or I have done/not done, all those are part and parcel of a loss so deep we can't even express it - mine has been so total, so thorough. And especially when I have had some measure of control over my life, people I choose to have around me, control over my thoughts, my emotions - all gone in a flash and I'm left disoriented.

    My issue is the grieving process, and there is no "efficient" way through it - its hard, its ugly, it take tears where you don't want them , and much longer than you expect. They're still writing books on the topic because no one has come up with a real answer. And it's twice as hard when the person lost was the only person who could have provided any consolation or understanding.

    People here are helpful, I've also found the Samaritans to be helpful.

    5 years ago, no one could have convinced me that unrelenting agony and loneliness like this could exist, much less that I would be living it. I think the only thing I've heard that applies is that when you have that unmatchable, unlimited love, that's when you have the grief to equal it. hugs
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