I hate this

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by pisces1, Mar 13, 2014.

  1. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    I dont want to be me anymore. It hurts to much. I cannot do this alone. Tired of hurting. Tired of being hurt.
  2. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    You're one of the coolest personalities I've ever met! And if I could, I would hang out with you every day... but boy! would you be sick of me? :^D (mrBgggg)
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hugs toyou
  4. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    MrB~ Thank you. I am the one people gets sick of quick, I am even sick of me.
    total eclipse~ Thank you . Hugs to you to.
  5. soulreaper

    soulreaper Well-Known Member

    me too :arms:
  6. unionfalls

    unionfalls Well-Known Member

    :hug: I like who you are. You area good, kind, caring, person. I wish I could take away your hurt, your sickness. :hug:
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :hug: hope you're feeling better now(today?) hugs to you, i like who you are too :)
  8. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately I feel worse than I ever have in my whole life . I cannot stand the person I am. I know I act the way I do ( lash out at others ) is a result of abuse from my childhood and my marriage but that is of no comfort to me. Just because others have hurt me is no excuse for me to do the same. I know because I cannot trust anyone I will spend the rest of my life alone. In my real life I will never be loved or held every again because of who I am. I wish someone knew what it is like to live with a narcissistic man and how he has twisted my mind . Every day of my life every bad thing I think about myself is validated and reinforced by him. Unfortunately my sick mind believes the one person I should not. I was hurt badly as a kid and have been hurt badly as an adult and as far as I am concerned I deserve it because of the mean ugly person I can be at times . I would rather spend the rest of my life alone then hurt someone the way I have been hurt. Maybe this is why I wont leave him. At leaste this way my kid has a roof over her head. I will never be able to put a roof over her head myself. Everyone says I should go to a shelter. I was told last week by a psychologist that would be the worst thing I could do given my suicidal state of mind. My kid would get taken away from me because I am not mentally stable . I know others will argue this but I have no one in my life to push me and help me do the things I cannot do for myself. I cannot make a decision to save my own life. I know all of this just sounds like excuse I have made up but it is the truth. Im am not looking for pity or for anyone to feel sorry for me. If anything I know I will be judge for not helping myself. I have failed in every way possible as a human being. That is no ones fault but my own. This is all the truth and reality of my life. It hurts
  9. unionfalls

    unionfalls Well-Known Member

    Pisces you do not deserve this. You are a kind, caring, wonderful person. You are not mean or ugly, it is him and your sickness that is telling you those lies. You are caring and beautiful, that IS the truth. You do not deserve what he tells you or does to you. Please do not think to far ahead, I know you need to think further ahead, but try to not overrun, okay?
    Do not worry about others, you need to do what is best for you and your child, they will understand, they will be okay with that. Please use your energy, your strength, for yourself. You have not failed as a human being, you are sick and you are trying to get better.
    Going to the psychologist this week was a huge step, a huge step!!
  10. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    Unionfalls~ Thank you so very kindly for all your support and care and thank you for being such a wonderful friend. :thankyoukiss:
  11. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    Soulreaper~music Thank you both very much for you kindness. It is because of you and all the others who have supported me and showed me so much kindness that I took a huge step today towards getting out of the situation I am in. I still have a long road ahead of me and there are no guarantees things will work out but I am going to give it my best. :grouphug1: