I hate this

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Stormhand, Oct 26, 2008.

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  1. Stormhand

    Stormhand Well-Known Member

    since I was 3 I have had epilepsy and it has affected my life in so many ways.
    growing up I was not able to do alot of things most guys my age, and that robbed me of alot of self respect.
    and to make it all worse I had a very over bearing mother, who got alot more overly attached to me after my parents divorce, it was not til 5 years ago I was able to move out and try to get my sanity back.
    Because of all this I have come to teh conclusion that in life I am the only person that I can truly trust, and the only oen that cares abotu what happens to me

    I almost cannot have a regular social life.
    Almost a year ago the one person in the world I thought of as my best friend started to ignore me fro no reason, and to this day he keeps blowing me off, and I have known him for over 10 year.
    And here recently after some years I got back with someone I have been hoping for a very long time to see again, what happens..2 weeks later she dumps me and does not say why.
    No matter how many times I try almost everyone in my life just pushes me away, liek I am not important enough to them or I don't kiss his/her ass enough to gain their respect anymore.
    I have just had it!!

    Right now the ONLY hope I have is trying to get off this damn SSI and trying to live better for myself.
    Right now I am having to wait for the stupid state to get through all the damn paper work, my patience every day is getting shorter and shorter, and my temper is getting bigger and bigger.
    If I don't get this I do not knwo what in the world I will do.

    The only thing I had growing up was to try to please my parents some how, now I have to count on the state so I can have a life to please me, which is so no fair.

    I hate my life, I don't think its worth living, its too damn hard to tolerate much more, my heart is bleeding every day and I don't know how much I can handle the pain the disappointment the discouragement.

    I am almost to the point of losing my mind, and exploding out of anger an anger I have held in over many years, which has grown and swell like a balloon inside me.

    I am to the point I do not know what to do...
    if there is someone that can help please make it stop, oh please!!!
  2. KirstyMissJimBob

    KirstyMissJimBob Well-Known Member

    I dont know wat i could do to help u except tell u that i a here for you, if u need to talk feel free to pm me.
    I hope it all gets better soon
  3. Stormhand

    Stormhand Well-Known Member

    thats not possible, cause I know noone cares.
  4. Robin

    Robin Guest

    Most of the world live in a reality of indifference to the pain and joy of 6 billion other people but there will always be those that care, what I fear for you is not your predisposition to despise either of those groups but those that would pity someone who needs a leg up in life. SSI in america is a nightmare to claim but you will get it, as for the reest, like the best of us and the worst of us, we need to concentrate on what we can do and not what we can't.
  5. Stormhand

    Stormhand Well-Known Member

    Oh I have my SSI, and have had it fro the past 5 years, its just I know I deserve to live better then this, hardly making it every month.
    Right now I am trying to get back in school through Vocational Rehabilitation, which in all honesty is the only hope I have right now.

    Most of my friends have disowned me recently for no reason what so ever, and because of this now I got noone that I can confide in anymore, and at the moment I am both hurt and angry cause of this. aside from myself I have noone I can trust anymore.
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