since I was 3 I have had epilepsy and it has affected my life in so many ways. growing up I was not able to do alot of things most guys my age, and that robbed me of alot of self respect. and to make it all worse I had a very over bearing mother, who got alot more overly attached to me after my parents divorce, it was not til 5 years ago I was able to move out and try to get my sanity back. Because of all this I have come to teh conclusion that in life I am the only person that I can truly trust, and the only oen that cares abotu what happens to me I almost cannot have a regular social life. Almost a year ago the one person in the world I thought of as my best friend started to ignore me fro no reason, and to this day he keeps blowing me off, and I have known him for over 10 year. And here recently after some years I got back with someone I have been hoping for a very long time to see again, what happens..2 weeks later she dumps me and does not say why. No matter how many times I try almost everyone in my life just pushes me away, liek I am not important enough to them or I don't kiss his/her ass enough to gain their respect anymore. I have just had it!! Right now the ONLY hope I have is trying to get off this damn SSI and trying to live better for myself. Right now I am having to wait for the stupid state to get through all the damn paper work, my patience every day is getting shorter and shorter, and my temper is getting bigger and bigger. If I don't get this I do not knwo what in the world I will do. The only thing I had growing up was to try to please my parents some how, now I have to count on the state so I can have a life to please me, which is so no fair. I hate my life, I don't think its worth living, its too damn hard to tolerate much more, my heart is bleeding every day and I don't know how much I can handle the pain the disappointment the discouragement. I am almost to the point of losing my mind, and exploding out of anger an anger I have held in over many years, which has grown and swell like a balloon inside me. I am to the point I do not know what to do... if there is someone that can help please make it stop, oh please!!!