I hate weekends....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Cooki, May 9, 2014.

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  1. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    Everybody is happy to have their freetime. Except for me. I hate weekends. I'm not allowed to go to the city, I can't go to my only friend and have a sleepover, I won't get the permission to even leave the house without my parents.... The guys and girls who are in our school's library-club will meet up on weekend and I won't be allowed to go there because my parents don't understand that I want to have a life. People keep telling me that I should move away from my family when I'm old enough. Everyone who ever met my parents tells me that they are really special and that they don't know how I could stand them at all. Whenever I'm upset and my depressions say hello, I just take out my diary and write about it. That's how I survived my PE-teacher last year. That's how I survived being left alone from the only person I've called my friend in years. That's how I survived my classmates for 5 years now. And that's how I survive my parents. It's a dumb situation to prefer being at school to being at home. I often stay there for a long time after my lessons have finished. Like today, usually I have 8 lessons on fridays, so I'd be at school from 7:45 am to 2:45 pm. But my IT-teacher wasn't here today, so I actually just had 6 lessons, so until 1 pm. But since my parents thought I had 8 lessons, I could stay at school till 3 pm, without my parents noticing. And so I did. I don't like being at school, but it's better than at home. I can do my homework at school without being interrupted every 30 seconds by my brother yelling at me or forcing me to help him with his english-homework. I'm glad that I remember things really good and I understand everything by just reading it or being told once. I wouldn't be able to learn at home. But yeah, that's a different topic. I just have to look how to survive the weekends... Wish me luck :/
  2. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member


    Ive not read your earlier posts, if you already said the reason, but why are you not allowed to do some the things you wish to?

    Its good to see you use the spare time at school well to get homework done. I know it wont help, but other interuptions from others happen in everyones house!

    & people sugesting moving out, yes they will say this...everywhere!! But more often than not it isnt a good idea.
  3. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    My parents are overcaring none-caring. At some point, they just won't allow anything. But on the other side, they just don't care about my feelings.
  4. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    I keep myself entertained by telling me that my parents don't have time to think about me, so they also have no time to worry about me, so they won't let me go away without them by my side so that they don't ever have to worry.
  5. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    It really would help if I was not around my parents. In holidays, I often stay at my cousin's for a few days. My depressions don't even show once when I'm away from my parents. But when they come to pick me up and get me back home, that feeling starts again. It usually shows as a massive stomach ache, when I see them again I just want to run and hide. And that's after just three to five days...... I used to hate classtrips, but it's the same as with staying at my cousin's now. We had a one-week-classtrip last year where we stayed in groups of six people in huts. My group was just five people, and it was so awesome, although I don't like anybody in my class.
  6. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Cooki, it sounds like your home life leaves a lot to be desired. Has it always been this way? Have you ever been able to talk to your parents about how you feel? I understand how badly you want things to change and how moving out sounds appealing. But that is probably not a good idea right now. Put your heart and soul into school. That will open so many doors for you later. How many more years of school do you have left? I hope you can spend some time dreaming about what you want to do with your life. Then focus your education in that direction. I wish I had a solution for you.

    Wo wohnen sie in Deutschland?
  7. Mr.Smiles

    Mr.Smiles Member

    I remember those days... I always just locked myself in my room with headphones on. I used to draw a lot, write down my musings, or just stare at the wall and zone out to my music. My room was easy to sneak out of so that was a plus. I always found drawing to be my greatest escape.
  8. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    She bear: It has always been like this. My parents do not have any time. My mum works from half past 6 am to 6 pm, mostly even longer because she has to clean afterwards. My dad works from about 8 am (he first takes my brother and me to school) to 6 pm if he works in their own shop, but sometimes he also works for some other guy from 2 pm to about 6 pm, with half an hour for driving there and another half to come back. So they are always stressed and they don't listen to me even once.
    I have a bit less than 4 years left. I've been thinking about what I'm going to do after school a lot, since I don't want to end up like my parents - no time for anything but still almost broke. I thought of studying psychology or maybe becoming a teacher or so. I don't really have any problems with school, I learn fast and remember forever (except latinvocabulary, my brain just says no to latin xD).

    Smiles: I'm not allowed to lock my room's door. My father has had a bad childhood and is affraid of closed doors. So every door in this goddamn house has to be wide open at any time (except for the entrance). And yeah, I draw a lot and listen to music quite loud. I made a list with songs to listen to whenever I feel bad (some really good bands are on it, like linkin park, halestorm, evanescence, motionless in white, ...).
  9. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    My boyfriend keeps telling me that the only thing he can think of when I say I feel like ending it (although I always say that I won't kill myself and just have that wanting inside of me) is "please don't leave me alone"... He once told me to think about my future. I'm a bit pessimistic, so I just think it won't ever get better at all and there will always be something worse. So he told me what my future could look like. How OUR future could be. I have imagined living together with him, but I always thought that it will break some day, in the near future. But when he told me I shall think about all the time I could spend near him, I had a strange feeling I have never had before. Like I was really really really happy and felt relieved and looking forward to it all at once.
  10. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    this sux. sorry.
  11. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    You need to move into your own apartment Cooki or enrol in uni and have student accomodation to be free of your insecure Dad at least
  12. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    Twocky: I'm 14, I can't move into an own apartment for at least 4 more years :/
  13. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Keep thinking good thoughts, Cooki. Like about your boyfriend. Life with him. Life as a teacher or psychologist. Think about all the lives you could touch, in a positive fashion, in either of those careers. At 14, you have so much time ahead of you. To turn the corner and find joy in life. It really sucks now. But concentrate on building that positive future. Hard to do, when you are in so much pain now, I know. But keep trying.
  14. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    I agree with SheBear Cooki - look towards 4 years ahead when you will be 18 then you can move out to your oen or student digs and party all night long like on those Animal House movies - take it from me I'm now 53 but when I wasn't an old git when I was 18 I went to uni & they were the best days of my life

    :freehug: Cooki
  15. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    Bear: I'll try! :)

    Twocky: The only party I've ever been on was a guitar hero party at a friend's of my brother. I'm not a party-person ^^ but I'm really looking forward to moving away from here ^_^
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