i hate when people dont understand why some people contemplate suicide

before when i was at my lowest i would be happy thinking of killing myself.
now since i am in a long term relationship thinking of suicide just makes me angry and irritable because i know how hurt my bf would be. thats pretty much the only reason why im still living is him. but he says i need to open up and tell him things so i tell him about my suicidal thoughts and he just brings up oh so you dont care about me then? of course i care about him. he doesnt understand what im going through. even though i tell him everything. every detail and he just says well what about me? its like this is why i dont talk to you. i know suicide is selfish but still it just bugs me. he doesnt understand that i have everything i need and want and still feel depressed and actually i dont get it either.
so i try to fake happy all the time but the crying always seems to come out of no where and then i have to talk.
i dont know why im writing this.
i shouldnt even bother.
im never going to be truly happy anyway so why should i bother getting help?
k im done.

 

Well the good thing is that he cares about you. I guess talk it out with him more and see what you and him can do together about it. Sounds like your uncertain at times on how to talk about it or talk to others about it. Keep open as much as possible to him and your family. Any other idea's you have that might be bothering you?

 

well stomach aches is what makes me the most depressed because i have emetephobia. fear or vomiting.
the stomach aches come and go. sometimes lasts a week. leaves for a week then comes back. its so hard to live life. i cant do anything without thinking that i will throw up.

 

Emily, your boyfriend, like most people, is unable to comprehend why people feel suicidal - this does not make him less caring but maybe just a little immature in that he needs to understand this condition of depression.

With depression, when it is at its worse, the notion of suicide just 'seems' like an answer because the emotional pain you are suffering, due to depression, goes beyond people's understanding of pain.

You boyfriend ought to be told that your depression is a biological condition - something in the motherboard we call the brain has gone wrong - and emotions are not processed like everyone else's. The world others live in - we go off the map with depression, so its not surprising many fail to understand it - or assume that suicide is a judgement on us - personally.

Those who love you have to accept you for what you are - we all fake emotions to some point but with loved ones, they are the ones we don't have to fake anything with.

It is your boyfriend who needs to be more understanding.

As for never being happy - please don't think that - because with depression it thrives on us becoming negative about ourselves. You come across as quite a nice young lady, intelligent, caring and selfless, as opposed to selfish. Even so you got to take care of yourself and realise that 'getting help' does work for lots of people out there.

Your writing this because you KNOW in your heart, you are worth something. Maybe this relationship is not the best for you IF this young man does not learn a bit about depression. If had some condition, would you not read up on it? Try to help?

The thing with depression is that you need people who know about the illness - not those who have misconceptions and who misinterpret the depression's various stages as personal snubs to them.

Maybe your boyfriend is young, so we cannot expect him to know too much about depression. Either way, he ought to learn or he is not going to be good for you. Not if he turns suicide against you whether he means it or not. But putting his foot in it might just be the way he is - I'm like that also so I'm not dismissing him - just concerned for you.

Anyhow, please get some help - you can overcome depression and those who do generally don't wait about for it to get worse. Take action - its just a trip to the doctors but this could be the BEST thing you have ever done.

Once you seek help - things fall into place. You then have a PLAN and people to talk to talk to who won't think suicide is some cry for help or a snub against the boyfriend.

Remember, depression is a biological condition, it causes emotions to be processed in a manner which can make us feel fear, tension, stress and frightened at things which would otherwise just worry us now and again.

Also - have you told your family about this?

Not sure how your family get on with the boyfriend, but mothers usually have a radar for 'swine' as my mother puts it.

Hope you have family - and maybe a girlfriend to chat to?

Certainly seek help - depression holds you back and therefore we want to get rid of it? Course we do! Everyone wants to get rid of it - but when we feel suicidal then its time to do more than just be concerned.

You will not regret getting help.

We always regret not getting it.

Please, don't delay - your a good person, you got talents and personality, you got a life ahead in which all kinds of possibilities are there for you.

 

I want to get help but i dont have a way of getting there yet. i need a job first so i can pay for insurance on my car. my parents and my bf get along veryyyyyy well. they like him alot. so do i, he tries to help, he really does but sometimes what i want most of all is for people to just leave me alone. he has been through depression himself and has had a few suicide attempts.
but thank you for commenting. i appreciate it. makes me feel like someone is actually listening.

 

Sorry Emily, I realise your boyfriend does seem like a nice guy - sorry if I came across as a bit 'overprotective' - and knowing he has a few suicide attempts then he obviously knows the pain.

glad you two get along and support each other!

Good luck to you both!

 

ha its all good.
i just cant wait to go to therapy again. i wont even know where to begin.
but thank you

 

so many people don't understand suicide.

what anoys me, is that when people seem so happy that they really arn't even willing to find out and talk about it