before when i was at my lowest i would be happy thinking of killing myself. now since i am in a long term relationship thinking of suicide just makes me angry and irritable because i know how hurt my bf would be. thats pretty much the only reason why im still living is him. but he says i need to open up and tell him things so i tell him about my suicidal thoughts and he just brings up oh so you dont care about me then? of course i care about him. he doesnt understand what im going through. even though i tell him everything. every detail and he just says well what about me? its like this is why i dont talk to you. i know suicide is selfish but still it just bugs me. he doesnt understand that i have everything i need and want and still feel depressed and actually i dont get it either. so i try to fake happy all the time but the crying always seems to come out of no where and then i have to talk. i dont know why im writing this. i shouldnt even bother. im never going to be truly happy anyway so why should i bother getting help? k im done.