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I hate who I am, I wish I wasn't so lonely...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by One Great Name, Oct 22, 2015.

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  1. I feel like an idiot, I'm not doing as well as I want to in school, I can't write, draw or animate as well as I want to (if possible, I'd want to be a writer or a cartoonist), I have no friends, I've done terrible things I knew were wrong and I can't bring myself to ask for help with any of it. I know God's disappointed in me and if I confessed my sins, my family might not love me anymore. The way things are going, it seems likely my life won't go the way I've hoped it will and I'd rather have it end sooner than later. I wish I had friends I could trust and care for enough to tell them everything, but I can't socialize, either. Sorry I'm being negative...
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi and welcome,

    I am sorry you feel this way but just know you can share your thoughts and feelings with us (within the guidelines of course) and not feel guilty about it, we may even understand a lot of it. If you are suicidal anyway, what have you got to lose? Please hold on and we are here if you need us.
  3. Well, I guess there's that. Even if I never see the faces of anyone I talk to here, it makes things more bearable to know there are others who understand how awful I feel sometimes.
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Heya, welcome to SF! Sure sounds like there's a lot going on for you to feel so badly. I'm sorry you feel so down. *hug* You've taken a big step by opening up here. I hope you find us supportive and friendly.

    Many people do "wrong" things, especially in their "youth" - teens through early 20s. They might make bad choices, do risky things...but hardly stuff that would stop their family from loving them. Unless you're a monster of a human, I expect your family would be more forgiving than you think. From what I've heard about religion, God is supposed to be forgiving...

    Maybe, since you do feel so badly, you could talk to someone about what is on your mind. A trusted teacher, pastor, or school counsellor perhaps?

    Ugh. Those times when we want to do better and it doesn't work out...they happen to all of us, you know. Most things in life take practice and some hard work. Sometimes we look at what we can do and compare it to what others around us can do, and we feel we're not as good as others are. Often, it's a matter of not having as much "experience" or "practice" as our colleagues/classmates. With practice, we get better and could even be talented at things.

    I think secondary school is way too soon to give up on your dreams of being a writer or cartoonist. I hope you'll give yourself more time before deciding it's impossible. I think you deserve a chance to succeed before you give up, don't you? Things fall into place when we've had enough time doing them...

    By the way, we have a section on the site for members' writing and artistic creations. Maybe you can post some of your stuff there. I'd like to see/read it. :)

    Be safe and strong. :)
  5. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    One Great Name, Welcome to SF. I have to disagree, I do not for a minute believe you are an idiot, You are here! I don't think many of us ever do as well as we want, but we can always strive to be better, there is no shame in that! I learned a long time ago, Nothing that you have ever done, is anything that has not been done by someone else before you! You have done nothing that is unforgivable! My life did not go the way I thought or hoped either! In any case you are here now, most in here have been where you are now, we will not judge you that is not our place to do that, We are here for you, we are here to help and give you support, to help you see that everything is not hopeless, because it isn't. We are here to offer support and to tell you and show you that we care about you, never to judge you!
    I myself have been where you are now, you are not being negative, you are telling us how you feel, we know and understand how you feel. Visit the Forums read some of what is written in here, speak to some of the people, you will see that this is a safe place for you, you can say what you think and feel, I do not care what you have done, that has no bearing on how you will be treated here!
    you are welcome to share your thought and feelings in time, there is no rush or hurry, do so at your own time and pace. I welcome you here, One Great Name be easy on yourself here, be gentle to yourself, you have a story to tell? we will listen when you are ready! Please do not hate yourself!
  6. Thank you, I'm glad everyone here is so supportive. I need to work on seeing improvement in myself... I've been trying to be better for a while, there should be some difference, all the paranoia from not getting problems solved and general depressive thoughts make noticing good things hard. I'll try to talk to people and hope things will work.
  7. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    One Great Name, It is hard to try to improve yourself when you don't appear to like yourself!, I am sorry that you don't,t I can't talk really, I have not thought I am so great for a long time. I think that you are quite smart to find this room and decide to give it a try, this is a safe place and the people here really care about the people that they talk to and meet with. I do wish you the best, I see you have met a few already, Please take care of yourself an don't forget to be gentle to yourself as well! Welcome to the Forum, I may talk with you again!
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