I hate who I am

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by essence021, Jun 28, 2011.

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  1. essence021

    essence021 New Member

    I feel like such a failure
    My fiance and I got into a huge fight tonight. I don't appreciate him enough and it's the truth. I feel like he does not care, though. I got into a fight with him about engagement photos. I just wanted nice photos. He didn't want to do it, but he did it - albiet kicking and screaming. I wanted him to do so with a smile. I shouldn't have asked that of him. I yelled at him...called him horrible names. I shouldn't have. I am an awful person. He deserves better.

    I am always wrong. I am always making the wrong decisions. I don't listen. He's always right.

    I hate my face. I hate my hair. It never does what I want it to do. I have gained weight. I wish I could just stop eating.

    I'm never good enough. He would be better without me.

    I am sick. I hate pills. I wish anti depressants came in shot form.

    What ever.

    I wish I could just kill myself but it would influence too many people.

    I'll suffer for them.
     
  2. Decode

    Decode Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum. You don't sound like a awful person more the opposite. I don't think it's much to want nice engagement photos, i would have thought he would want to smile for them. You sound like you have low self esteem, sometimes talking to someone can help with that or talking with your partner he must love you very much if he wants to marry you. I hope you feel happier soon.
     
  3. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Hi essence021,

    Engagement and wedding can be extremely stressful…

    You know you just want things to be perfect for that moment as it seems to be the biggest moment in life…that’s how most girls are like…we’ve been brought up that way…our culture…the environment…movies…etc…Maybe your fiance understands all this…

    Guys are different. You know that he cares about you more than the photos, looks, body weight, etc. He wants to marry you as you are beautiful to him…as the saying goes - beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Regardless, our appearance is not essential. Your loving heart is more important…

    You know it’s not true that “I'm never good enough. He would be better without me.” You ARE good enough and he’d love to be with you as he is in the process of getting married with you…

    You are feeling this way now maybe because of the extra stress of this big moment. Maybe ask the doc and see if the meds can be adjusted for dealing with the extra stress for this period of time?

    Please be gentle to yourself…be a good friend to yourself… You know your family and friends would love to see you enjoy life together with them...
     
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forums!! Your fiance loves you so keep that in mind when all these negative thoughts enter your head.. Maybe a little anger management would help you.. There are good therapists out there.. Don't let the negative thoughts control you.. I'm sure you are a lovely person..
     
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