i hate

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Wastingecho, Jul 18, 2016.

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  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i hate feeling like crying as the train to work pulls into the station

    i hate feeling like crying as i look down at my lunch

    starting to get overwhelmed by a desperate agony from the continuation of events that are my life

    i look back and amaze myself sometimes with how long i've lasted

    i hate myself for being such a coward
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You are not a coward at all, please don't cry :( We value you highly here, we do care. Do you not like your job or not like living?
  3. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i don't like any of it any more - lately i've been fighting all this alone - no friends, family i can turn to

    just seeing that someone replied here hurts, tears me up

    how screwed up is that?
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Well, I do live with family and when I'm down I cannot talk to them either, they just don't understand/care so that is why SF was created in the first place so we can vent and air our thoughts here among people that do care, do understand and do want to help. ((hugs)) Sorry you are having such a bad day!
  5. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    can't stop crying now


    have to make it stop
  6. lifetalkz

    lifetalkz Well-Known Member

    There are ways to heal a lot of your pain without resorting to drastic measures. It's okay to cry-you're not crazy or wrong to express yourself that way. I've been at the same job for almost ten years-if the whole place burned today I wouldn't shed a tear. I f---g hate that place-I hate that I spend more time there than I do with the few people I care about. I will make no attempt to minimize the space that you're in now-I've been stuck in that space for years at times in my past-it's pure hell. But maybe communicating with others (as you are now) can help ease some of your pain.
  7. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    been coming here for years - sometimes it helps

    i can't tell why this happens when it happens - it would be so much easier if i could say i feel like hell since such and such...

    it doesn't work that way

    some days it's tolerable then on others it's not

    some days i look at what i'm typing and wonder if it will make any difference - is this real? - are these my fingers making the letters appear?

    it's all starting to blur together
  8. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    couldn't get out of the car this morning

    had the door open but couldn't face the day

    stranger walking by asked if i was okay

    got out to catch the train

    if a stranger can see something how can i hope to get through the day at work?
  9. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    "I'm a creep.
    I'm a weirdo.
    What the hell am I doing here?
    I don't belong here.
    I don't belong."
  10. JohnMG

    JohnMG New Member

    Wow man. Im so with you. I wake up most days doing the 9-5 with the whole "whats the point" any more. I'm having a hell of a time too and am keeping it hide at this point from most people cause of shame I guess. Tonight was the first time I searched for such a forum, just looking for anyone who might feel the same.
  11. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. Yes, you are experiencing issues which some of us suffer and experience everyday. We can help YOU in stopping you from doing the final committment. Yes, we struggle but have you spoke to your doctor for medication and consider group therapy for discussing and sharing your feelings.

    You are no longer alone, take this virtual hand we offer and let us help you in your time of need. This site is your safe haven which helps others to see that life is important and nothing else matters.

    Take care my friend and most important be safe.
  12. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    You do belong, Echo. *hug* Always here, and will always care.
  13. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support SF Artist SF Supporter

    I'm so sorry to hear of your pain, I've been through dark depression most of my life and anxiety that makes me scared to leave the house. It's torture but it passes and becomes liveable again. You belong here Echo
  14. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    hasn't been a life for a long time - only an existence - don't remember what life should feel lIke but it has to be more than this

    more than being alone in a single bed at 2:30 in the morning married to a woman who hasn'the touched me since hurricane sandy - who hasn't been in the same room at night for a year

    i can't find happiness - even simple enjoyment - anywhere

    lucky to find indifference
  15. iam

    iam SF Supporter

    Hey Wastingecho. Your not alone. A lot of people here know what your feeling.
    Just a thought. Have you and your wife tried marriage counselling. I know many people don't think it can help but it really can.
    You might find the problems in your marriage can be fixed or if they can't at least you will both know and can move on. Your wife will be feeling as bad as you about the situation, she may not show it in the same way but she will be hurting. I hope I'm making sense and you can get some help. Here for you if you want to talk. Hugs
  16. lifetalkz

    lifetalkz Well-Known Member

    Echo-Like most who are involved with this forum, at one time or another I have experienced all of the feelings that you've described. I've been stuck for years in a loveless relationship, I've felt that I was existing from day to day (not living). At times-it seemed impossible to find a point to any of the things I did on an average day. But I know something today (at the age of 53) that I didn't know years ago-if I'm willing to let go of notions about what things mean or what the point is in my actions-when I just let myself move through life without judging, no decisions about good or bad, right or wrong-I find that the passage of time heals and changes many things. First I had to kill my ego and the belief that I knew for certain what was true about me. I had to kill the belief that I was crazy beyond repair, completely unlovable and undesirable as a friend or romantic interest.

    I was shocked to realize that-of all of the people I knew who had over-inflated egos, none of their egos were as big as mine. I believed that I knew all of the answers about life and no one could talk me out of my feelings-I believed that life was completely hopeless-nothing good would ever come of anything I ever tried-I was a broken waste of a life that didn't deserve anything good. No one could talk me out of my hate-I know now that I was half right-there is a lot of bad in the world, a lot of hate, anger and hopelessness but there is always the other side to consider. There is kindness and compassion-possibilities and opportunities. Life is not all good or bad-I know that to be true today. I wonder if it is possible that you could let go of labels like good or bad, right or wrong-turn off your head full of thoughts for a while and just drift through the days, one after another. It is actually quite peaceful in that place-you could sure use the break :)
    Brian777 and iam like this.
  17. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    my ego is all but dead

    i have no answers

    not even sure i have the questions

    have no sense of value - no sense of worth
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