I have 2 options in this life

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Pepe, Sep 26, 2008.

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  1. Pepe

    Pepe Member

    From here my life can go into to different directions
    1. I hurt my self
    2. I hurt somebody else

    Currently every single thing i do in this life makes more angrier and frustrated. A few examples : if i go outside my anxiety disorders make me feel extreme discomfort. If i try to talk to people my lack of self confidence + my anxiety disorders lead to anger and frustrations. If i stay alone the loneliness makes me sad and angry. I cant sleep well because of my anxiety disorder. If i try to read my limited concentrations makes it extremely unpleasant which makes school work a pain in the ass. Try reading a fucking law book with the concentration span of 30 minutes.
    This has been my life for many years and will continue to be it, with no release valve in sight. So i think its a pretty fair assumption that at some point i cant take it anymore and it will go in one of the two directions. I personally think option 2 is more likely, i just hope the person who gets it really deserves it.
     
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Damn PePe why do you want to hurt someone else? They probably haven't done a thing to you! You definitely have some anger issues you need to take up with a therapist! Violence isn't the answer! I learned that along time a go. I decided that I didn't want to sit inside a jail cell. The only way you can get me to fight now is to harm someone in my family or punch me in the face. Then I will come unglued on your ass. I basically stay to myself now. I have no interest in meeting people. The ones I have met here are the only friends I have, and that is fine with me. PePe do yourself a favor and get in therapy. I go twice a month to help keep me in line. I was going everyweek for a while. Good Luck!!:chopper:!!
     
  3. Pepe

    Pepe Member

    I have seen a shrink 2 times a week for the past 2 and a half years. I am probably more angry now than the day i started.
     
  4. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    I don't understand. What makes you think these are your only two options?
     
  5. effervescentpsyche

    effervescentpsyche Well-Known Member

    People make me so angry sometimes...which is why I really don't have any friends...because I feel those options too a lot...it's either them or me and it's usually me although a few old friends of mine I might have had them on the ground and people had to pull me off. I just sometimes can't control my anger or my violence it's like I have an extreme pain in my chest and if i don't do something the pain doesn't go away...don't know if it's the same for you but it sucks.
     
  6. Pepe

    Pepe Member

    Because i have lived inside this brain for the past 20 years? I have tried therapy and it hasn't helped me. The third option probably would be to just swallow this shit every single day until i finally die of natural causes, but thats even worse than the first two options.
     
  7. effervescentpsyche

    effervescentpsyche Well-Known Member

    to me therapy is crap. They are wrong 70% of the time anyway...it's just all bs...you tell them the meds make you worse and they just want to up it...they just want you to be a zombie...they don't care about making you better they just care about making you feel nothing...cuz I definitely never felt content or relieved I've been to about 8 doctors and 0 of them even helped a little.
     
  8. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    OK but how does that create the need to hurt someone? I've lived inside my brain for 35 years. It hasn't been pleasant but I don't want to hurt anyone.
     
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey PePe,
    Some people don't think therapy is worth there time. Me personally, it has helped quite a bit. I am an Isolationist for the last 15 years. I have been in therapy for 3 years. She has me getting out of the house a little at a time. There are certain places I will go. I am even driving myself again. I still isolate in my bedroom when I am home. You see I give my therapist a big thumbs up for getting me this far. They do help but you have to put forth an effort or might as well stay home...~Joseph~
     
  10. Pepe

    Pepe Member

    Because I am angry. I guess there are two types of people : those that direct their anger towards them selves and those that direct their anger to others.
     
  11. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Pepe,
    The next time you see your shrink ask him about depacote for your anger. I was in the hospital with a guy who got in a fight with his brother and stabbed him.
    They had him on depacote and it helped his anger. When they discharged him he had a sheriff waiting to take him to jail.His family didn't press charges the state did. Florida is a 0 tolerance state. I don't know what ever happened to him but he was doing good on the med. Good Luck.~Joseph~
     
  12. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    There are many healthy outlets to channel your anger without letting it eat at you and CERTAINLY without hurting someone innocent. I have some similar problems to yours and one way I channel anger is to go for a gut-busting, aneurysm causing bicycle ride. It is a stamina- building, blood pressure lowering form of self- harm. :bounce:
     
  13. Pepe

    Pepe Member

    The only problem is that every time i go outside my anxiety disorders make me feel very uncomfortable. Which naturally makes me just angrier.
    I mean in all seriousness if my life is going to stay like it is, does it really matter if i kicked some persons ass? If some high horse religious **** wants to make some kind of point about morality, they can fuck them selfs first.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 29, 2008
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