I am giving myself 30 days to live. I sincerely doubt anything will change by then but who knows. Things have only been getting worse. I have been to a Psychologist and Psychiatrist. The medication prescribed to me only made me apathetic. When I was on it I would just sit and stare at nothing for hours on end. The counselling i recieved did not seem to help at all. As far as I know my depression is uncurable. I feel as though I can feel no positive emotion. Pain, anger, stress, hate, and sadness are the extent of my "emotional vocabulary". A lot of times I just feel apathetic, which I think can be worse sometimes than depression itself. It prevents me from feeling any sort of empathy. I was always a quiet guy, the guy you would see sitting in the back of the classroom, not saying anything to anyone. I never even raised my hand even though I always knew the answers. I just always found it hard to socialize. It probably didn't help that I looked down on a lot of people. I just found the majority of my classmates to be pretentious, stupid, obnoxious, or just plain shallow. I never had freinds, only aquaintences. People I couldn't help but see every day. Having no one to share things with is quite painfull. I think this message is the most I have shared with anyone. I get stressed out a lot. Things in life just seem to come with so many problems and everything seems so complex sometimes. If you are reading this lengthy sob story i want to thank you. I admire your attention span. If anyone has any suggestions please comment. If not I don't blame you. I have lived with this all of my life and never came up with a solution. I have 30 days, and I am not afraid to die.