I have a plan

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by PoisonS, Jan 12, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. PoisonS

    PoisonS Well-Known Member

    I won't share it, but I've formed my plan on how to end my life. I'm very content with it.
    There's a certain peace in giving up. Don't have anything to worry about any more. I don't think I'll leave a note, I have nothing to say to anyone. I might destroy my computer, throw away some of my more treaured items; I don't want to die and leave the remnants of a broken life behind.

    If I fail, I'll let you guys know.
  2. Bob26003

    Bob26003 Well-Known Member

    Go to the Emergency Room, tell them you have a plan :)
  3. PoisonS

    PoisonS Well-Known Member

    Why would I do that when I don't want to live anymore? I tell them that and they'll lock me up. Is that any better than death?
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Yes it is better than death you get the attention and healing you need. You get to see you are important and you do matter. go to hospital and get some help for you You deserve happiness and healing
  5. PoisonS

    PoisonS Well-Known Member

    I don't see how having my freedom taken away from me and being put on suicide watch and given medication and being treated like a child would help anything.

    I don't think I'm unimportant and that I don't matter. And I also know what I deserve.
    But those things won't happen. I've been through the system, I know what it's like. How they treat you, how it only made things worse for me.
    I don't want to do that again.
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Why don't you want to live anymore?
  7. PoisonS

    PoisonS Well-Known Member

    Becuase my life is awful.
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    What's awful about it?
  9. PoisonS

    PoisonS Well-Known Member

    It's too much to even go in to.
  10. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    A lot of people's lives are awful, and millions of them are worse than yours. Still, you can't live their lives, you can only live your own. Tell us, what is so bad that you feel you have to escape it? Is there a situation that is pushing you down this road, or are you just tired of living? You obviously are looking for help because you came here, and hopefully we can help you. Share your story with us, and we will help you with it.

    EDIT: Yoy don't have to tell us if you don't want to, but we are here to help and we need some background info if you want us to help you.
  11. PoisonS

    PoisonS Well-Known Member

    Okay, if you really want to know, I'll tell you. But it's a very long story. I'll try to make it shorter.
  12. PoisonS

    PoisonS Well-Known Member

    To be simple, my parents divorced when I was eleven. Both have histories of depression, anxiety, paranoia, etc...
    My sister and I started cutting and my brothers did drugs.

    Blah blah blah...

    Basicaly my dad is a controlling ass; a shouvanist who doesn't even treat me like a human being but rather something that belongs to him, he treats my sister the same way, yet he treats my brother like he's the best person in the world.
    He'll go out to a movie and leave me at home to cook and clean.

    I'm the only one still living with my dad (my mom got remarried and I hate the guy) so everyone is pressuring me to grow up and move out while at the same time treating me like a kid.

    I haven't had a real friend in four years because when my dad and I moved to where we live now, he took me out of public chool to home-school me (though he never actually taught me anything) and never tried to help me get into any sort of activity or sport.

    Now my mom isn't as bad as my dad, but she's a liar, she's selfish, and manipulative.

    My oldest brother is a drug addict.

    My other brother is in the army. (Some of my problems now come from what he told me he had done over there...some of the things he had seen.)

    My sister is doing quite well, and I love her, but she has a enough problems without worrying about me.

    My grandfather just had surgery for rectal cancer. My grandmother is insane.

    Even though I'm the youngest, ever since my parents got divorced I've been the mediator in my family. Always the one trying to take care of everyone, comfort them, taking the blame for everything.

    People take advantage of me, and because I love them so much I let them.

    I'm flawed. I'm over cutting, but now I drink and smoke. I have an addictive personality.
    There are some things I can even tell you, so much more than that, but basically that's the root of my problems.
  13. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You said your sister has enough problems without worrying about you. But do you get along with her? If you do, she'd probably WANT to know what's going on. Because at least now, you're still here, and so she could try to help you.
  14. PoisonS

    PoisonS Well-Known Member

    She's my best friend.
  15. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    Most of the members here have a similar hodgepodge of problems if we were to catalog them. Very traumatic experiences, chaotic families, dire financial situations and demoralizing physical ailments.

    Can you make even a small list of things you feel you are blessings in your life- a pet you love, a great friend, a talent, a beautiful and special place you go to to clear your mind, a career you for which you have a passion?
  16. PoisonS

    PoisonS Well-Known Member

    Yes, I can. But the list of bad out-weighs the good.
  17. PoisonS

    PoisonS Well-Known Member

    Well, it's time to start my plans. I'll pop in a few times, but then I have to go.
  18. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    That's probably because you have experienced more bad than good. Please don't quit now, before you can experience the great things that life has to offer. You will move out, you will get friends, employment, and joy. Don't give up now.
  19. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    He shouldn't have taken you out of public school and given you something worse. Irresponsible jack***.

    Then again, there're a lot of poor families with similar situations that throw their kids out of the house when HS is over. That's why so many people transition in and out of homelessness. A lot of rich kids get the first part of their college payed for. They use that opportunity, away from home, to become independent and build themselves a better life. But for a lot of poorer people, something like that just doesn't happen. Otherwise, we wouldn't see so many middle class and upper class graduating from college with the skills necessary to live well (and transmit this to their kids) in our changing economy. It's the same old BS story that a pooor man can become president if he works hard. People who think that're smoking something real real good. It's not the average. I think they don't want to know the reality. And the reality is that poverty is bad. It doesn't build character. Our economy needs low skill labour, but we got more than enough immigrants from mexico already and businesses are clamoring for more because that's what they're used to. And those jobs are nothing special. They're borderline slavery and will just produce more of the same: people who can't afford to give their children a good start in life. It's a wonder how anyone can think poverty makes strong youth. The only thing it does reliably is produce a low skilled labour force that lacks the ability to fight for its own rights and to put its kids through college. That should be wrong. But then again, it should be wrong that we buy so much from countries that do the same thing, and they're even worse than we're. Penal colonies, thrown out of school doomed to forever be a slave, living without luxuries, 12 hours a day 365 days a year, under age, no health plans, etc it goes on and on. So much for human rights. Our planet is still rising out of the ashes of its history. We read about how, in the past, low skill workers were exploited by mean, greedy businessman. Then we shake our heads, but feel great relief that we've overcome this. No. We haven't. It's still going on, and it's right underneath our noses. It's going on all around the world, and even in our own country.

    To use an analogy, it's like kicking a car down a hill but not filling the tank with any gas and yelling, as it's rolling down the hill, "Have a good life. Learn to be independent. I did my best. I love you!" It might make for a good comic strip. It's just reality.

    I got something to say to rich people: you're not paying the low skilled laborers enough for the amount of hours they work and the conditions they must endure. You're not rewarding their hard work enough. You're cheating them of a future, and harming our world. I hope you understand that the luxuries we all enjoy were payed for by the losses these people incurred in their quality of life. Either you accept that the prices of goods go up and your income goes down, or you forever live an excessive materialistic prison lifestyle to escape from shame and guilt. When we all die, we leave with nothing. All these materal possessions don't change that.

    If hard work really did pay off, then I know a guy that should be president. It's not hard work that pays off, it's being in the right place at the right time. Hard work comes naturally. It's an instinct that kicks in in the right conditions. Whether you work at a cannery, or in the sewer, or on a boat, or in a forest, or at a factory, or god knows where, you're working just as hard as Bill Gates. We all know that you should be better off than you're, we all know that this is wrong and that it should be fairer. Have some faith. The world hears you.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 13, 2010
  20. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Let's keep this thread on track; the last reply is more of a discussion for the Soap Box forum. This isn't the place to debate anything.

    PoisonS~ I really hope you're okay and that you come back here.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.