I have a relationship problem I can't solve

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by anarulesmenow, Oct 19, 2008.

  1. anarulesmenow

    anarulesmenow Well-Known Member

    Hey I'm a bisexual girl and I am in love with another girl.I know a lot of people say they are in love when the're not but I really am.We wern't together but we did stuff and we had a real connection.We were best friends, and she saved my life and everyone says we were made for each other.About 3 months ago,me her and some of our other friends went into town and got a bit drunk.It was her who asked for the drink and one of the other people with us who bought it.Her mum came down and found her drunk and took her home.I later found out she'd gone to hospital,and I thought it was for alcohol poisoning and I was really worried about her.When she came out i was speaking to her and she said it wasn't my fault at all.Then I found out I was being blamed for it by her mother.About 3 weeks ago, I found out she'd actually gone to hospital because she slit her wrists and everyone else knew except for me.And not only that, but I'm being blamed for it by her mum, even though I don't believe it's my fault and I'm a bit annoyed at that.Everyone else says its not my fault but I havnt really spoken to her since then and it's killing me.She has a new number, has had to delete me off myspace and msn, and I can't ring her home number as her mum will probably answer.At our youth group she kept kinda saying things to me and then realising that we wern't allowed to be friends.Also, at school the other day i saw her and my friend said"She just had a sneaky glance at you".So I think that she still wants to be friends but I have no idea what to do, I need to sort the situation out but her mum knows it wasnt my fault but shes still blaming me.
    Any ideas on what to do?
    I really love her and need to sort this out
  2. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I would call or better yet go to see her mother and try to have an honest conversation with her about what she thinks happened and about why she doesn't want you to be friends with her daughter.
  3. let me preface this by saying that i may be one of the most socially unintelligent people you will ever encounter; in all likelihood, i have no idea what i'm talking about

    i think you should talk to her. it doesn't matter that her mother thinks that it was your fault; you need to connect again.
  4. anarulesmenow

    anarulesmenow Well-Known Member

    I know I should talk to her but as I said before, I have no way of contacting her other than ringing her(Most likely other members of her family will pick up and will hang up on me), and talking to her in public, and she's always surrounded by a big group of friends who don't really like me that much, so it's not easy.I think her mother knows it wasn't my fault, but she's still blaming me so it's not as if I can talk to her and try and convince her otherwise.And I don't want to get into trouble by talking to her so I really don't know what to do.Has anyone got any ideas of ways that I could try and change this apart from what has already been suggested?Or any ideas of how I could talk to her or her mum and get any positive results?
    It would be much appreciated
  5. have a serious talk with her mom; ask her why she believes the blame rests on you, address the issues that she brings up, and assure her that you have nothing but her daughters well-being in mind.
  6. anarulesmenow

    anarulesmenow Well-Known Member

    Thanks i'll have a go if I can get the courage up(her mums a scary woman!) as i suppose thats all i can do really...
  7. Elle.

    Elle. Well-Known Member


    first of all I wanna say what a bullshit situation ^^

    Anyway, as you said, when you phone her house and her mom picks up she'd probably hang up.
    Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't talk to her in person, i just wanna say be careful. It's going to be an immediate confrontation to her and she might not know how to respond if you just pop up in front of her..
    what you could consider doing is writing her a letter of some sort. This way you can give it a lot of time as to what you want to say. You can strategically make your point come across, building up all the things you wanna tell her rather than just putting them out there in the open randomly. This way she has time to think and respond and re read or whatever she wants to do.
    It's always good to discuss these things in person. But you might want to avoid a door slamming in your face or a strong argument leading to nothing..

    Just an option really, I hope I helped :)

    Good luck with the whole thing.. you deserve it to be fixed

  8. anarulesmenow

    anarulesmenow Well-Known Member

    Hey LC, just want to say thanks, thats some really good advice and i didnt think about writing a letter.Yeah, I thought if i rang up or just turned up id probably be shouted at and then make it even worse.So i might try the letter.
    Does it sound a bit stalkerish though if you get me?
  9. anarulesmenow

    anarulesmenow Well-Known Member

    Thing is though, if i write a letter ill probably end up ranting at her instead lol
  10. Elle.

    Elle. Well-Known Member

    Well that's the thing though, you already know now how your attitude towards this woman will be when speaking to her.. Thats why I recommend the letter where you can take your time - as long as it takes - to write your feelings down in a good strategised way without offence or ranting.. just to sorta make her change her opinion about you or whatever you want her to think.

    You can change whatever you've written as many times as you want in order to make it as less offensve and as less 'stalkerish:p' as possible. In real life what you say is said and cannot be undone.

    If you ruin your one chance of convincing her, at least do it knowing you gave it your very best shot..
  11. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Write the letter when you are feeling calm and relaxed. Try not to be confrontational in any way. Her mum will be very upset about the fact that she cut herself and most people really don't know how to handle that kind of thing. Also I would suggest that you write it simply as a friend. If you declare your love for her to her mum that could freak her out as well. Sexuality is another thing some people have problems with. Best of luck and I hope it works out for you.
  12. anarulesmenow

    anarulesmenow Well-Known Member

    Ok thanks im gonna write it in a min
  13. anarulesmenow

    anarulesmenow Well-Known Member

    Sorry to go on about it but I'm panicking about it a bit as it's basically my last shot at ever being able to talk to this girl again.By my reckoning, the letter should have arrived this morning, so I know it's a bit early to expect a response, but I have no idea what to do if I don't get one.I can't let this lie, I have to sort it out but I don't see any other way of doing it.
  14. Elle.

    Elle. Well-Known Member

    heey, don't apologize we're here to listen :) I really wish you all of the luck in the world with this and I hope for you truly that it will work out. And now we wait :smile:

  15. Robin

    Robin Guest

    One quote that I am particularly fond of lately is by Terry Pratchett, Discworld and all that and it goes something like this.

    When the least they could do was everything, the worst they could do holds no terror.

    It's only love if she reciprocates that love. It is a fact of life that at some point in our lives we will fall for those that may not see us in quite the same light. The pain can hurt for years but it's nowhere near as bad as the pain of an unhealthy relationship.

    When only one person is in love and not the other, hate, spite, jealousy, over possession and other ugly traits of the human condition become apparent. Over the years, especially the years I've been on SF, I have discovered that many times, the love "just" friendship has to offer is the most intimate love of all.

    What's the worst that could happen? She might not reciprocate but with 6 billion people in the world I'm sure there would be other potential partners that would most certainly be willing to give the love they receive in kind.
  16. anarulesmenow

    anarulesmenow Well-Known Member

    No offence and thanks for the advice, but I dont think you get what the query was.Me and this girl had something, but I am not banned from seeing her which is the problem.
  17. anarulesmenow

    anarulesmenow Well-Known Member

    In the post above I meant to day I am banned from seeing her.
    Its been nearly 2 weeks now and I dont think Im getting a reply.Anything I can do?