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I have a secret

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I took pills last night. I'm not supposed to be here now. It took alot of courage to do it and I am very disappointed. I know I need help but I don't want help. That's not true. I do want help I just can't bring myself to face my problems. I don't want to live anymore.


Staff Alumni
Hi and welcome to the forum

I'm really sorry that you felt so bad that you took pills last night.. I too am glad that you didn't succeed, but i'm a bit worried as to how you are doing now? Please get medical attention if need be.. pills can be doing internal damage without you knowing it until it's too late

I can certainly relate to wanting help.. but not feeling strong enough to facing problems. I'm trying to face my problems head on at the moment and it's scary.. but it is possible.. it's helped me to have a good therapist and some good friends.. do you have any friends you could talk to? Do you see a counsellor or anyone?

Please take care
Jenny x
I have friends but I can't talk to them. I don't see a therapist. You see, that's why I have a secret. Nobody knows I am so messed up in my head. I have been reading the posts about being alone on New Year's eve. I have to get together with friends tonight and I would rather be alone. I will go and I will fake being happy. I have gotten really good at that. My earlier post is the first time I have admitted my secret to anyone else. It's certainly not the first time I have admitted it to myself. I have known for a long time.


Staff Alumni
I hope that tonight goes as smoothly as it can.. and i hope you feel able to come back to the forum and share more about what is going on for you, if you want. You've been very brave to share what you already have with us.. and i hope it helps.

I've always felt like i'm messed up. Since as far back as i can remember.. I've known that i haven't been happy, but just thought it was me. That i was wrong and ungrateful. When i started with this therapist I said that to her in my first session.. we're still exploring why i feel so "messed up".. it's not easy.

I'm also doing a course in Transactional Analysis, where we talk about childhood experiences. Again, i told them in the first week that I am very "messed up" and didn't really belong there. It depends on the week and how the course goes.. sometimes i still believe i don't belong there, but other times i feel that maybe i'm not so messed up afterall! I share many feelings and experiences with a lot of the people on the course.. and the more i share and hear of their experiences, the more i realise that everyone, to a certain extent, is 'messed up'. We all have our own issues and personal experiences

I know it's really difficult but i think you've made a wonderful step here today by joining and posting on this forum. I hope it's helped and if anything, showed that you're not alone..

Please PM me if you want a shoulder or a friend..
Jenny x
Keeping everything locked up inside is such a difficult thing to do, but it seems so much easier than telling someone. You need to let things out. If this is the place you feel safe in doing that, we welcome you to do so. We will offer support in anyway we can for you. Many of us have been through so much, we may be able to share ways that have helped us to get through. I hope things will get better for you as you open up. We are here. Take care. :hug:


SF Friend
Staff Alumni
I'm glad you didn't succeed.:smile: I offer my ears to hear whatever you need to let out, and my arms to reach out to you when you don't feel strong enough to stand on your own. Your secret is safe with us - we will love you no matter what.:smile:


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