So it's pretty unsettling. Over the last few weeks I've been feeling rather off about the whole suicide thing. I'm not crying, I'm not caring. I haven't made it apparent to anyone, haven't mentioned my intentions, hardly hinted it. So I know that this time, it's not for attention, it's not a cry for help. I've had a few bumpy roads to cross while trying to get a grasp of myself in my early teen years. So of course I presented myself in the most pathetic and overly dramatic of ways. But right now, today, these past few weeks, it's been different. I've managed to conceal it all. And while I'm a bit uneasy about death, I find myself completely calm about it. It's either going to be from this weekend to the end of January, reason being that I want to be here for x-mas, new years and my mums birthday. Then, afterwards, I dunno. I don't see the long run. It's almost comical how I would even watch things that would give supporting thoughts to those who are driven towards suicidal thoughts. You know, the whole- 'Imagine yourself 10 years from now', or 'people will miss you'. My favorites- 'It's a selfish act, cause you're only trying to hurt others' and 'permanent solution to a temporary problem.' I'm just sick of that crap. It does nothing for me. Anyone ever feel this way before a failed attempt? It's just so weird and fascinating..