I have a voice and I no longer scream.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by cosmic_ghost, Sep 12, 2013.

  1. cosmic_ghost

    cosmic_ghost New Member

    I'm 31. I'm alone. I go days and weeks without speaking to anyone. When I do it's a word or a sentence. I'm only alive for my daughter on weekends which I have been missing lately. She used to be with me 50% of the time.

    I know she is the only reason I have made it through the last few years. But I don't want her to remember me as completely broken which is what I am having trouble hiding. It's been in my mind to start writing words down for when I'm not around and she gets older. I think that's the only thing I have left to do. My nieces father hung himself when she was 1, a very intelligent person left a cowards-note one paragraph long because he read pompous intellectuals often didn't leave notes when they offed themselves.

    It would be nice to find someone to talk to in the meantime who is also aware and not trying to be a hero. Someone else alone or troubled who does not want to talk about my misery, which I have trouble expressing and I prefer not to sink in since I'm deep enough to die already. That's why I signed up here. I would be happy to help with others problems. While I ran out of roads in my life, I can help others see what to live for and ideas on what to try.

    I am eclectic, interested in everything, many life experiences, a personal philosopher, I always sought new things and have constantly fed myself with information. Something for everyone and I have respect for all life.

    Obviously I am at odds with people here, and everywhere else. My view of suicide is more inline with Marcus Aurelius and stoicism. I sound strange in writing but in life I'm quiet and never speak of grand ideas or the things I read about. My social life ended with age- people married, my ex married my best friend, people died or moved away. I'm too outwardly strange to meet new people, but inwardly the same as everyone else.

    I have been on social life support in the form of podcasts for years. It would be nice to talk to someone real, someone interested and interesting, and not someone just offering help.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I just wanted to say hi, and welcome to the site. I really hope you find what you're looking for here!

    BTW, you do have a voice, and I'm glad you chose to express yourself here. There will always be someone around to listen.
  3. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member


    welcome to the site

    actually, you sound like an interesting person to talk too (not sure what it is), but i was reading your message and thinking... well perhaps we could get along

    welcome again