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I have all the warning signs that I am schizophrenic

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by A_pixie, Aug 23, 2008.

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  1. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    I'm worried. I looked up Schizophrenia and the warning signs all apply to me. Please please please please take time to read this, I'm feeling lost.

    I giggle for no reason, I act like a kid, I got thrown out of a bar the other day for turning on the pumps for no reason! I suck my thumb and can't stop doing it I'm 21 years old.

    I'm paranoid everybody hates me even my closest friends, even ones I haven't seen in months due to university...I just think they will randomly decide to hate me. I'm VERY paranoid that my Mum eavesdrops with her ear to the wall so won't phone anybody when she's nearby...

    I think people can guess my thoughts easily (especially my Mum) so I either think of something else, stuff that's happened to me but hasn't so she doesn't know what I'm doing etc

    When I'm on the bus I keep switching my ipod off because I have this bizarre fear of someone hearing what I'm listening to.

    Concentrating is hard for me if I find something boring, I can finnish a book in a day but can't read a letter from my bank.

    I excessively self-medicate with drugs and alcohol.

    I self harm and am a diagnosed bulimic.

    I mentally torture myself trying to figure out the meaning of life, I'm paranoid I'm going to hell and I was brought up in an excessively catholic household and got scared to death by hell's horror stories from my Mum and uncle.

    I have a highly disfunctional family whatever that means...my religious uncle slept with his brother's fiance so I have this weird feeling that it's OK to lead a double life like he did, religious one minute, traitor the next etc.

    I think about sex too much.

    I talk to myself at times mostly saying "shut up shut up" or "fuck off fuck off" to the criticising thoughts I get in my head.

    I laugh hysterically for no reason.

    I hear voices particularly when I'm about to go to sleep.

    I can't sit still and keep breaking things around me.

    I avoid people I love at times because I'm afraid they will stop liking me.

    If I read a boring letter from the bank or college or something I CANNOT bring myself to read it!!!! I try over and over but nothing goes in! I am only capable of reading things I'm interested in.

    I get panic attacks for no reason it's worse when I'm drunk or high, I convinced myself someone in a bar was going to beat me up or rape me.

    I imagined somebody was there to talk to me when my family were arguing and I did most of the listening. I have an imaginary friend at my age...it's not good.

    I get depressed if my body hair isn't completely gone.

    I'm fixated on death and horror.

    I forget things eaisly.

    I laugh at the most inappropriate times imaginable I'm laughing as I'm writing this!!!

    I make strange noises for no reason.

    I don't know whether I'm just healthily odd or Schizophrenic.

    Does anybody know somebody with Schizophrenia, am I like them? I need help.
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Maybe you should see a professional about it. I don't know much about schizophrenia, but it sounds like you could have it.
    I have a lot of the same things that you listed, but I don't think im schizophrenic.

    Anyway, I hope you do not get too down on yourself before you get help for this.
  3. Just_visiting

    Just_visiting Well-Known Member

    I agree u shud see a professional about it, i cant say whether u have it or not. But i think diagnosing urself is very dangerous. It can be easy to start seeing everything as a "sympton" of ur disorder. See a proffesional and they will tell u for sure. If u do hav it then u can start treatment and if u dont ur mind is at rest.
    Take care
  4. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    tbh, I think a lot of people do or think the things you listed...I know I do anyway :S I think you should go to the doctor though because you're worried and it seems like those symptoms are affecting your life.
  5. nagisa

    nagisa Staff Alumni

    I have schizoaffective disorder which is like having schizophrenia and a mood disorder. I have a lot of the symptoms you've mentioned but I think "normal" people also have a lot that you've mentioned too. I think it depends on the severity of the symptoms and if they get in the way of you functioning normally in day to day life. But as the people above me have said, it's important to get diagnosed properly by a professional. Self-diagnosing yourself isn't a good idea. Maybe you could print off that list and take it to the doctor and see what they think? That's what I did anyways. I hope you are able to get a proper diagnosis. Take care hun. :hug:
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    The key symptom with scizophrenia is hearing voices that tell you bad things, like harming yourself. I also laugh for no apparent reason sometimes, and I'm 'normal.' :laugh:
  7. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    Sometimes it's not clear but I do get random bursting demands in my head :S
  8. Austere Night

    Austere Night Well-Known Member

    Actually, contrary to popular belief, the key symptom is a disorganized mind. That can lead to all sorts of behaviors, but a lot it end up in difficulty with forming sentences or ideas, your mind having various illogical segways and such.

    The psychotic symptoms of paranoia, hallucinations and delusions can be a part of many different mental illnesses, even though many schizophrenics also have them. I'm not schizophrenic, but I've had some paranoia and other psychotic symptoms.
  9. raw

    raw Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    You can find a good description of schizophrenia at http://www.nami.org. It also includes a simple definition of schizophrenia. Hope it helps.

  10. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    Oh my god!!!!!!!!!

    MY GRANDMOTHER HAS IT. I remember my Mum saying that but we don't really talk about it. She was in a mental home years ago, she was convinced there were cameras in her television watching her, she was certain God was talking to her and she talks to strangers like they are her best friends...I do that :'(

    This is has really freaked me out

    stuff I do suggests my mind is disorganized like laughing for no reason or constantly telling a certain voice in my head to shut up out loud

    I struggle to remember stuff that's happeend and stuff that hasn't, my dreams are so real at times it terrifies me!

    I self-medicate a lot with alcohol and some drugs this seems to make me worse. The last time I got drunk I went on some bumper cars and hit a stranger in the face zooming by him! I'm not a mean person I thought it was funny at the time though it was like I HAD to do it!

    It's not like voices tell me to do things and I do them like a zombie it's like there's a room full of people shouting in my head and they all disagree. I get paranoid so easily, like people are pretending to like me so that they can hurt me for fun, or laugh at me trusting them. I'm almost convinced my best mate actually hates me but no matter how many times I try to reason with myself it doesn't stop me thinking like that!

    I read a figure that worried me the other day about how smoking weed can trigger schizophrenia, I smoked a lot of dope back in college, nearly every day at one point.

    The highs and lows I get are terrifying as well I'll be considering suicide one moment then in the next I'll giggling for no damned reason :'(

    I refuse to think certain thoughts in case I randomly scream them out or that someone will HEAR me thinking them I know it doesnt make sense but it feels real.

    I'm convinced that the whole world secretly hates me and people who bullied me back at school will come back to ruin my life again.

    I keep thinking about when I'll die and how to avoid it.

    My friend suffers from short term memory loss, and one day we got a bit drunk and slept together, 20 mins afetr he didnt remember it and it sure it didnt happen. I know it did because the next day I (sorry for being rude) had bruises on my neck etc but what if I fucking imagined that as well its so frustrating as I don't know whether it's my mind or his memory at fault! :mad:

    Oh here's a terrible one...I've convinced myself I'm pregnant serveral times even though I haven't had sex in a long time for example. It feels so real, I waste so much cash on pregnancy tests for no reason and after that I STILL am afraid I'm pregnant because the test could be wrong! I know it sounds insane but it feels so real to me at the time I end up crying.

    It takes me twenty minutes or so to move once I decide I want to go on the computer upstairs for example, I'm reading about this apparently its called being catatonic?

    I have this odd theory that TV shows can predict things in my life there are so many coicidences and similarities...

    I know how this sounds but I used to think we lived in the matrix now I'm not so sure but I do believe it at times. Everybody makes fun of David Icke but I think he makes some good points.

    I don't know what to do I can't tell my Mum because she'll get depressed (she's been on anti-depressants for 20 years now) or my Dad because they already have a kid with mental problems: My younger sister they suspect is autistic so they ahve enough to worry about.

    sorry this is so long.
  11. bella muerte

    bella muerte Well-Known Member

    Re: Oh my god!!!!!!!!!

    Hun, most of things you've described you do/are like remind me of me.
    I'm paranoid that when I walk up stairs at night there are zombies behind the walls looking at me. Weird huh?
    I spent about a year hallucinating at night, laughing hysterically on buses, being paranoid that ppl even my best friends hated me and wanted to kill me, believing everyone man would somehow hit me and that there were zombies behind the walls in my house. I'm nearly 16 and I still have a night light. When I'm asked to get something from upstairs at night I literally get it so fast I take approx 10 seconds and when I can't find it I leave it. I refrain from going the toilet at night because I'm scare to go onto the landing thinking there is someone out there. I hear one simple noise and my light gets switched on until I feel safe enough to turn it off.
    I too thought I had schizophrenia when I started hearing voices telling me to cut "I'm inside her" on my arm. I did do that once and when my mom saw it she consider getting a exorcism performed on me. For that year I never went on a bus with friends/family. If I did I wouldn't open my eyes or speak to them.
    When I saw a doctor and told him everything that I was doing, he was very worried and sent me to hospital. I stayed a week while lots of specialists did tests on me.
    All they come up with is that I had severe depression, general anxiety disorder and paranoia and suffered with halllucinations due to post tramatic stress disorder. When I was diagnosed with all them I felt like my life couldn't be much worser, I felt so like a freak. I tried to diagnose myself schizo but I wasn't at all.
    Hun like others have stated go to see a doctor and get a medical opinion. To me you sound just like me, and it sounds like you have severe paranoia but I'm no doctor.
    Hope you're ok :) pm if you ever need talk!
  12. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    I've been hallucinating again. I convinced myself I was pregnant when I couldn't have been and went to a doctors. I had to keep reminding myself I went to a doctor and didn't believe their results were correct.

    I now keep thinking I've got some sort of disease like cancer or AIDS or a heart condition and I'm being so careful what I eat because of it. I just feel like my blood is dirty and I'm afraid of not making it to next year :(

    I once thought I'd been raped when I quite clearly hadn't. These hallucinations don't happen often but when they do it feels very real to me at the time then I have to sit myself down and talk myself out of whatever trick my mind has played on me...

    It's horrible waking up every morning as I have no idea what year it is, where I am or what is real or what I've imagined in my dreams! I hate this!!!!
  13. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    Please calm down a little bit. If it helps, I really don't think you're schtizophrenic. To me, it sounds like you have severe anxiety, paranoia, and a good bit of obsessive-compulsiveness. Based on what you've said, it sounds like you're still able to reach logical conclusions when you are presented with evidence.

    I'm not schitzophrenic and do all of the above, with the exception of the pregnancy tests (I'm male.)

    I check motel rooms for hidden video cameras, I worry that blackmailers are watching my Google searches, I'm worried about people listening to my phone calls, I've been late for projects at work because I worry that I might have porn on my data stick when I've never even used it for something like that and refuse to give it to my partners. When it comes time to upgrade to a new computer I smash my old ones with a hammer instead of selling them because I'm worried about what may have been on the hard drive, even thoug I've never done anything illegal! I hate tax time because I'm convinced the Feds are going to take me away to jail for tax evasion, even though I've got straight-forward taxes and would never knowingly hide something.

    I'm still pretty sane. Unhappy with my anxiety and paranoia, but a functional sane person all the same. :smile:
  14. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    The "professionals" are often complete idiots. They do not necessarily know jack shit. Many psychiatrists have assumed I am schizophrenic for the most ridiculous reasons... one even wanted to commit me and kept threatening me with it. It came to that I now refuse to meet any of them as much as possible. Thank god I live in Sweden and can get disability, even despite this. However, when adding what I never told any of the psychiatrists, I think I well may have milder schizophrenia, but then I say it is too bad not all others have it, as well! Anyway, be VERY careful about telling psychiatrists or psychologists about this, especially if you live in a country such as the US where there is little respect for those who have mental disorders. The "caretakers" may just end up committing you and literally raping you. I have read about this so do not put trust in such people... most are only interested in their salary, and even if you talk with one who does care, there will always be others, that also become involved, who don't. Trying to self-help as much as possible is always the best solution, but you need to stop with those drugs you mentioned...

    I find myself in a lot of what you said, but I can't say if you have schizophrenia, anyway... although the imaginary friend is a bit odd, but maybe you're just receptive to spirits, and what is "imaginary" actually exists? Don't you have any methods to try and calm yourself down? When I myself feel as if I'm about to get one of the delusional panic attacks I used to get, now and then, a few years ago, I always think about the most positive thing that exists to me, which is sex. The development of the attacks, after they stopped reaching full development, didn't use to go away, as quickly, before I realized this method. Isn't there anything entirely positive that you can calm yourself down with, as well? I wouldn't be surprised if it'd work as well for you as it does for me.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 29, 2008
  15. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    A_Pixie- you sound scared. i've gone through very similar things about feeling like i've been contaminated, being watched...etc, it all stems from some kind of anxiety, prolonged emotional/physical abuse, my childhood and how my life is going at the moment. if you looked at all your symptoms and thought about your life around them - it might make it less scary and your obsessive/compulsive thoughts about being pregnant, being watched might seem less "mad" and more understandable, less scary..

    and you've said that alcohol and drugs make you act in a certain way- that's drug induced. that can have an effect on behaviour and thoughts and doesn't mean you're (as i guess you're thinking) going to end up living like your grandmother- who i'd guess, was under psychiatric treatment a long time ago when things were draconian and very harsh when it comes to behaviour that is deemed unacceptable.

    what is so scary about schizophrenia? why is 'schizophrenia' such a frightening label..

    if any so called "non-schizophrenic" person sat and thought about their life in detail looked at the DSM v criterion and worried about a diagnosis then i'm sure a lot of people would be schizophrenic.

    i think the main thing is, what do you want to change? would a doctor or yourself giving you a diagnosis of schizophrenia make you feel more like your experiences are valid and you'd feel 'held' in terms of a doctor looking at what you wrote and say, yeah you're schizophrenic, or do you want help to look at things that are causing you worry and stress and how to manage them properly?

    schizophrenia is an umbrella term for a lot of 'symptoms' under psychiatry and people diagnosed with schizophrenia can find themselves having personal varied symptoms. i find the more you pathologise behaviour the more scared, anxious and shit you're going to feel. or on the other hand, i've been to schizophrenic boards where are just happy to suck up a diagnosis and a 'schizophrenic identity' and not think about looking outside of that, and happy just to sit there and say to me, go and take some antipsychotics and listen to your doctor and then moan a lot...

    my grandmother had the same thing, mental hospital, thought that God was talking to her (threw of her clothes and yelled for God to help her) really odd don't you think? really mad, eh? no. she had NO say about how her life was run, she was stifled, she was pretty much a baby-making machine. of course she wanted help. she was screaming for help and she got locked and drugged up for being 'schizophrenic' in the 70s.

    be careful with self diagnosis and getting overly anxious if you're A,B,C. if you want a psychotic diagnosis you might get one and then be harassed by psychiatrists for the rest of your life to take certain drugs- and side effects of anti-psychotics can be unpleasant.

    what you're describing about dreaming sounds like lucid dreaming. i have that a lot when i'm stressed up.

    and wondering what's real and what isn't- again, you could look at what drugs you were taking, or think about stress- when i'm stressed (this is a very normal type of adaptation i've been through) i float- which means, everything appears funny or frightening, depending, and it is scary (or sometimes funny). i know it is frightening :hug: but maybe try and not look at the a psychiatric diagnosis and get worried over that and try and look for a counsellor that will help you manage stress and your life better.

    look after yourself.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 30, 2008
  16. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    and you can tell you're 'hallucinating' so i suppose you have a foot in this (psychiatric) world which is a good thing i suppose?

    when you can't tell- then you wouldn't be analysing your thoughts and behaviour how you are and putting them into 'real' and 'unreal' it would all be 'real'. it wouldn't be psychotic. it'd be true.

    and there's nothing wrong with that either.
  17. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    What's wrong with that...? I do that too. Although I don't like God, I like trees. What's the difference? :tongue:
  18. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

  19. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    Sorry, what I meant was I get told I'm hallucinating, like something never happened or something could not have possibly happened, it feels so real to me but when several different people are telling you events that occurred were all in your head you start to wonder :S a few people are starting to worry about me and I find it easier just to keep my mouth shut unless it's something incredibly distrssing like being attacked etc.

    Logic doesn't work when my mind is set on something either, like I'd think I'd have aids when it's impossible or something :<
  20. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    :hug: Yeah that sounds very distressing not knowing what's real and what isn't. It makes you want to hide away.

    There will be a therapist who will help you figure out where these feelings come from and maybe help you stop panicking and making the feelings of 'what is real and what isn't?' less frightening.

    And if you do want medication- you could go to your doctor- and see if what they prescribe helps you any. That doctor sounds unprofessional screaming at you and making you feel more scared. You don't need that. There are people out there who won't make you feel so scared.

    But don't let the term 'schizophrenia' make you panic more and make your everyday life more hellish and full of fear. People with a diagnosis of so many psychiatric disorders can go through things like what you're describing, including PTSD, chronic anxiety, depression, etc.

    I've shut off TV and radio- one of the reasons because I feel they are talking to me or referring to me and I can't deal with that, and I don't consider myself ill. I feel much better. So do what's best for you. There are ways of talking to a counsellor to figure out do you have aids, are you pregnant, what are you scared of, what do AIDS and pregnancy mean to you (a lot of fears I read seem to revolve around death/disease which is pretty universal?) and why you feel the way you do.

    Look after yourself, I do hear you and you do sound absolutely terrified :hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 1, 2008
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