Well its even harder to explain this into a language that you might knno..Im coming down the road and there is a slight breeze in the air..A bit cold and a bit warm. As i pass the air blowing through the trees and blowing between the mountain a get the feeling that maybe someone has passed through here.But now I'm gonna have to make that choice of either going through the woods or through the mountain path. (You might be thinking now,is he telling me a story or is he writing a book) Well i cant choose the path. I am 19 and i have disorder as to not making a decision for me to live life. I live at home with my mom and my dad and doggy.My brother moved out he is 19 also. My parents(They adopted my bro and I at 5 days old) are 69 and 68 and my mom has colon cancer ,Alzheimer's and is now blind in right eye. Shes struggled through the treatments and the surgery's(shes in recovery at the house..Goes every Monday for more treatments and blood tests.. She is the reason why I live. I love her to deaath and i like the fact that she has never give up on something that she has tried. Than for my dad , hes been disabled since 1999 That day was castrofic, b.c his car ran over his arm only casue the emergency break cable got unlatched and the car ran over his left shoulder . It shattered his bones and muscles. SO now he cant move is left ARM very high. But thats where i play the role of trying help them with everything.. I work 4 jobs averaging 80hrs a week and i try and have gf.. My gf is 16 and is awesome..But she kinda cheated on me the first time by having sex with my best friend(not anymore)..They where drunk but i kinda don't see that..Anyhow 5 weeks later I gave her a 2nd chance to date me..I consider myself as a real old fashion gentlemen Well What i m trying to get at is that i work and work and help pay the bills and pay my own and i don't see myself being any more happier. I m about to dump my gf b.c i think shes just out there to take my virginity away along with my dignity. I heard from here friend like 3months ago that she was just being nice and getting close to me to do that. But i think at the same time i just want a down to earth gf. I don't have any anger problems or disease's or disability's. I'm just waiting for the right girl. I consider myself a rare breed of guy. Every girl that i have had has said that don't want to be part of me cause i m to innocent. Im not sad cause of that but.....will i ever have one that is like me. Im a virgin to this day and im proud of it..no shame...But my question to this ....Will i be putting myself into a sort of depression b.c i cant find the right girl. (like i ll fall off my pride and go out and have sex with some random girl( i know i wont but most ppl or everyone states that they something but perform in differently in the end. I just need to decide that if i go through the pathway of the rocky mountain path that my life will be cold and lonely b.c Im gonna fall off into what i believe...< or I just need to decide that if i go through the lush green forest that following what i believe and staying strong will lead me to what i need..but that means sacrificing one thing . My parents. > For < and > I wanna be here and help my folks live the rest of there life out .Like they intended( When my kids grow up..i hope that they can take care of me like i did for them.) So the reason why I"m out here in this realm is to talk to someone who is out on the same path that i am. I m basically looking to go through the forest but i like to take a risk and go the other way.. I just want to know if out of the 6 billion people that will eventually pass through here , they have the same issue that i have. Well just like 15 mins ago i broke up with my gf..Im just soo stressed out..I basically told her the truth and she didn't believe that.Its ok though ,b.c i couldn't deal with the fact she doesn't listen to her parents..She has mono and she doesn't believe me when i tell her to stay home and get better.She said over and over that i didn't care for her..But when she needed to go somewhere i would stop my day and help her.She went drop off her applications and i was there..I was caring..But its ok though.. cause yea..w.e. thanks Robin for letting me back into the website. This is really me being me. The other times when i was imitating other people and making lies and saying all the other junk it wasn't true and it was really wrong of me. I sorry.