You know last night I thought to myself. It would be nice to if my kitty were to get sick enough to warrant putting her to sleep. I realized the moment that I thought that I am officially checked out of living. I know that I am walking down a dark path, and a wrong path. There is nothing left that can fix me. Nothing at all, no amount of drugs or therapy. I am officially gone. There is no reason to continue even trying to get better. All that is left for me is oblivion. All I can do now is wait for my kitty to pass on naturally. There is nothing left for me once I start thinking about how nice it would be if I ended my kitty's life. She does not deserve that kind of thought. I no longer deserve her. She is too good and cute and sweet for someone like me. I am sorry I thought such thoughts. However, that does not mean they are going way. It is like the first time I thought about suicide. The thoughts only get stronger. My like a cancer, the thoughts just grow in frequency. Until you want to act on them. So yes I am officially done with trying to prevent my suicide. The only being who is keeping me here is my kitty. Because she is a happy kitty with me. So I am checking out. After my next interview I will stop coming to this forum. Much like I have stopped going to another forum. I have no reason to be here if I am just going to lurk with nothing to say. If I am only going to come out when I am going to complain. So after the 31st expect me to put my account on hold indefinitely.