I have come to the conclusion that nothing matters

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Fell Mor, Jul 12, 2016.

  1. Fell Mor

    Fell Mor Member

    Nothing. not friends, family, love or even suicidal thoughts. none of it matters. the only thing that matters is- wait, there is nothing that i can put here. i just float along the top of consciousness. i don't really think about anything. in fact, i spend very little of my time conscious. i just ignore everyone and everything. i read books a lot. actually, thats about it. i just read books and sleep. the only other thing i occasionally do is eat, but i have to force myself to do that.
    there is no point in killing myself, because it would solve nothing. the worst thing someone can do to themselves is fade away.
     
  2. OCDNihilism

    OCDNihilism Well-Known Member

    I would write a long response to this, but already spewed from my revolted stomach all my suffocations even now on a post, but I know what you are. You are nothing like me, but what kind of nothing is inside of you I don't know if I care. Are you a guy or a girl?
     
  3. Fell Mor

    Fell Mor Member

    I am a guy. you asked what kind of nothing is inside of me. that seems to contradict the definition of nothing doesn't it? nevertheless, I understand what you mean. I don't feel anything. about anything. I simply do not care. I don't care if I die, I don't care if I live. I don't care if I am doing something or if I am just sitting somewhere staring at the wall. I don't care. I don't want to care. I want the release from thinking. I don't want to make decisions. I don't want to be responsible. I want to claim something for my own that no one else has thought of before.
     
  4. OCDNihilism

    OCDNihilism Well-Known Member

    I feel like all of that. You might check some other posts of mine. I am not always like that, at least I have a spectrum wich is what keeps me balanced on the life and death rope..
     
  5. Sarah171

    Sarah171 Member

    There are a few reasons you may be experiencing this feeling, but know that it is temporary and won't last forever - at least not at this intensity. Seeking professional help does a world of good. I know right now you feel nothing matters but your life matters, you matter, and how you treat others matters. Simply helping someone carry their groceries, smiling at someone, or reading to a lonely elderly person who can't see well enough anymore - all that you can do and it makes people's lives brighter and better. Please don't give up and think you will feel this way forever. I wish you all the best.
     
  6. Fell Mor

    Fell Mor Member

    all of those things you listed as being important sound wonderful. my question is, why do they matter?
    you also say that I wont feel like this forever. why wont I? what could change that hasn't changed in the past sixteen years that would make me not want to die?
     
  7. OCDNihilism

    OCDNihilism Well-Known Member

    I think like is something like sailing. Imagine that you are dropped in the sea, no previous conciousness of anything, and than you have a boat that you can roam in a sea where you can only see is water. You don't know nothing of what land looks like or are aware it exists, but you can either roam or stay where you are. Some would roam and get wasted. Some would roam and find land. In these two, the difference, is that one can appreciate what he has found, the other just can't see the difference in anything, everything still is vain, but they continue to look for something that is not. Other will die on land, but before have found good wonders and things to live for, others will find it and lose the spark it had.. That is what most of us, I guess, are. Sorry if I didn't made sense, I was roaming too here..
     
  8. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I get you Fell Mor, I really do get you and where you are at.

    Everything is trivial. What you are saying/experiencing/feeling is trivial. My own thoughts and feelings are trivial. I read a lot like you but its losing its meaning as what I read seems so trivial. The only thing I bother about right now, right here, right now, is 2 people I care about deeply, and this place and the people who come here. I try to make them [including you] mean something. Some days its a impossible task, other days I manage to show I care. I want something to matter. I want people to know I care. But some days I just think its all so fucking trivial, if none of us were here, who would really care?
     
  9. Vulpes

    Vulpes Member

    welcome to my world... welcome in the nihilistic circle lol
     
  10. Sarah171

    Sarah171 Member

    Those things I mentioned matter because when you touch a person's life, you bring them joy. You make that person feel special, feel important, feel loved. That love makes their life better. That feeling you crave, the desire for something to matter - you can help someone experience that feeling that they matter, that their life matters. You may start out feeling absolutely nothing in your heart, but by doing enough small things for other people you may just feel some of what you're giving to others come to you. You will start to feel that your life matters. That's the secret to life. Merely existing on this planet is empty, we need something more. That's why we are social creatures, we are here to help each other find the meaning of life.

    I don't know how old you are, but you mentioned you have experienced this for 16 years. I don't know if you have sought professional help, but keep seeking help for yourself. Sometimes we have stuff going on that causes us not to be able to feel joy, and some medications can help us feel better. Finding the right medication, the right therapist, being kind to others, finding the meaning of life through a life changing experience - any of that can happen tomorrow. That's what can change that hasn't changed in the past 16 years, and any combination of those changes will make you not want to die. Don't give up searching for the answer because you are worth it. You are worth it to me.
     
  11. Fell Mor

    Fell Mor Member

    I said I have been experiencing for sixteen years because that's how old I am.