I have decided to do it!

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by turtle1017, Oct 3, 2009.

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  1. turtle1017

    turtle1017 Member

    Wife doesnt love me. all my friends have moved away and forgotten about me, I can't make new friends, Im sick of my addictions running my life. I hate my job. I rather get fired then show up, but there is life ins for my wife there.

    Gun: too noisy and messy...could make it look like a "Gun cleaning accident". I could shovel a bottle of xanax down my throat and go to sleep and never wake up, or the good old <Mod Edit: Methods> I will leave no note.

    What do you think will make it an easier scene for the wife? she wants me gone, and I have nowhere to go, so off to exolore other dimensions
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 3, 2009
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Please keep posting and stay with us. :hug:
     
  3. turtle1017

    turtle1017 Member

    soon I will be meeitng God, or whtever is "on the other side"
     
  4. turtle1017

    turtle1017 Member

    <Mod Edit: Methods> of xanax sitting in front of me, along with <Mod Edit: Methods>. Definatly the Xanax!
     
  5. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    There is no such thing as an easy scene for your wife. If she really wants you gone, you have a job. Do you have a car? It can be real hard to break up and find a direction but I know you can do what it takes to take care of yourself.
     
  6. turtle1017

    turtle1017 Member

    I wish I could say tat you are right...but I can't take care of myself. I contribute nothing mt $ for her pleasure.
     
  7. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I don't know what you mean in your last sentence. Why don't you think you can take care of yourself?
     
  8. turtle1017

    turtle1017 Member

    Unless I went into a life of crime, I would be clueless. Mid 30's havn't paid a bill in 15+ years. im a worthless pothead (who can;t get help since I am "just a pothead"). and ya...thats about all there is on that. Oh, and my wife is having pulmonary embolisms along with other things that will most likely have her dead in 5-10 years. I would be crushed to see her go, destroyed. If I stick around to that point, that would be it for me.
     
  9. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Possibly, you may be using pot to "self medicate." I know many people who do. Have you been to the doctor? You may have a diagnosis of depression or manic depression. Many times, people with either one of those diagnosis will self medicate with pot or alcohol.

    Please keep posting here and look for answers for yourself. It takes time, but anything worth while does take time. You are worth while and I can see that you love your wife very much.
     
  10. turtle1017

    turtle1017 Member

    I have been "black-balled" from my Industry...in and out of my state. I con't do what I love, so I self medicate. I guess its time to start with the Xanax.
     
  11. turtle1017

    turtle1017 Member

    been to my Dr. MANY times (psyciatrist, family Dr, and talk theropist). Don't help.

    It seems like I need to do more drugs before I can get into an inpatient treatment facility. But I don;t want to do more drugs! I want less!
     
  12. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    In-patient therapy is very short term. You can look for multiple ways to get help.

    One of which is coming here to read posts and to post. Another is to go to Narcotics Anonymous.

    I'm an alcoholic and a member of AA and I go to church and I come here. These are the three things I do for myself in addition to seeing my doctor and taking my meds. I get very down to the point I can't do anything but I know it will pass and it does.

    I know you can find solutions. Please stay with us. :hug:
     
  13. turtle1017

    turtle1017 Member

    a 30-90 day inpatient could jumpstart me. I hate AA since they look at me as "Just a stoner", and I have lied and said I was an alcoholic...I guess i am, when i drink it is to get drunk. NA is way too hard for me to relate. and no MA meeting around me. I once had a sponsor, but he went back to using.

    Now im playing with my shotgun. Slug, or "00" Buck? This I could do out in the woods, and I know a spot where I wouldn;t be found for weeks...if found at all. Get out there, Load up on xanax, then BAM. No more pain. Ahhh, sounds better than a warm beach with no worries!
     
  14. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    A lot of AA people are stoners too, but they don't admit it. A relative told me I didn't have to stop drinking to go to AA. That got me in the door. I would hang out there on the sidelines. I didn't say much for a long time. Soon, I realized that just being there, hearing the same voices, was a comfort to me. I hope you will be willing to give it another try.

    If nothing else at the moment, you can come here and that is taking care of yourself.

    :hug:
     
  15. turtle1017

    turtle1017 Member

    i've heard it all before. but I cant find inpatient (that my ins approes) just fo weed and an Rx of xanax.

    I have kept a log/journal of my life for the past year. the only thing that would be missed is my income.
     
  16. turtle1017

    turtle1017 Member

    Now I have my 9mm, shotgun and .32 all locked and loaded, and ~ 200 tablets of xanax.

    I feel so safe
     
  17. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I know you have heard it all before, we all have. I have to hear stuff many times before it has meaning to me.

    How much of a try have you given AA? Please go back and try again. Please keep posting here. This can be done and you can do it. We're here and we care.
     
  18. turtle1017

    turtle1017 Member

    They say do 90 in 90...I did 180 in 180.

    Couldn;t find a group where I fit in, i wasn't accepted. I am accepted nowhere!
     
  19. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Why do you think you were not accepted?
     
  20. turtle1017

    turtle1017 Member

    only thing I can think of is that I was more of a stoner than an alcoholic. And I look alot older then I am, bue to early balding, so people add 15-29 years onto me. I want to hang out with early 30's people, but I look 50.
     
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