I Have Decided

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Godsdrummer, Aug 18, 2009.

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  1. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    To Live On.

    I never ever really wanted to die. Even when I made that horrible attempt last fall that ended me up in the hospital, I didnt want to die.

    None of us do, I think. Most if not all of us, just need a way out. A way to end the pain that we are enduring.

    Some of that pain is physical.
    Some of that pain is mental.
    Some of that pain is self inflicted.
    Some of that pain is brought on by others.

    Some of us need a way out of the problems we endure.

    Problems with finances.
    Problems with relationships.
    Problems with family members.
    Problems with coworkers.
    Problems with friends.

    Some of us want out of our addictions.

    Addictions to drugs, booze, sex, gambling, nicotine, you name it, we can become addicted to it.

    But all of that stuff, ALL of it, none of it is worth taking your life for.

    You may not be religious, but I am. I turned my will and care over to God back in June. It's about damn time I let him drive, the vehicle of my life.

    I know I caused all of you some sort of discomfort and pain.
    I know I have been an up and down guy since I have been a member here.
    I know that I have dragged all of you thru the mud of my life.

    And yet, AND YET, you keep hanging on to me. Not letting me go.

    I want to live.

    I want to live for myself.
    I want to live for my wife.
    I want to live for my kids.
    I want to live for my friends.
    I want to live for my AA family.
    I want to live for my TTL family.
    I want to live for my SF family.
    I want to live for people who have ever cared and loved me. Certain people or persons with whom I still care a great deal for.

    And so...I am going to keep on, keeping on.

    It's not gonna be easy. Next few months are gonna probably be pure hell.

    I intend to rely on you guys a lot.

    But with God, the fellowship here and at AA, and with the strength of my family too, I will get thru it.

    Bless you all for all that you have done and continue to do.

  2. Rose24

    Rose24 Chat & Forum Buddy

    :hug: I was just writing you a pm!! :laugh: I am so glad. I hope courage always be on your side. :)

    Take care and stay safe,

  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I'm really glad you've made that decision. And I'm going to remind you of this post, when things get you down and you get frustrated, so that you can see that you DO want to live.
  4. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    That is a deal!
  5. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    You want a change, and that is a good thing. First step towards freedom.

    I don't think that anyone really want to die... Just want an end, and death seems to be the only solution for some. But I believe somewhere inside that there is hope.

    I understand that this time will be hard for you. Remember that freedom isn't free, but when you finally get it it's worth all the struggling.
  6. Ranxerox

    Ranxerox Well-Known Member

    Good for you, and good luck.
  7. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you found reasons to live. You are a great example to follow. I wish I could be as strong as you are...somedays however I'm very low and close to death...
  8. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Wow Bill, so glad you posted hun. There was this guy in Announcements trying to be you! But knew along he was a fake (lol). This is the Bill we know and care about. And this is the Bill that we will continue to support and love and help through the rough as well as smooth times. Welcome back tigger!!!! Hun please dont ever doubt the impact you have made on people here and that you have friends that will be there no matter what life throws at you. You are a fighter, a survivor and above all else, loved.

    Yes, we dont want to die. And thank goodness for SF because it has saved so many.
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :hug: Bill!!!

    It's great to see you feeling much better :D

    Good luck!!
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