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I have decided

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Dunbar, Nov 15, 2010.

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  1. Dunbar

    Dunbar Active Member

    Ive decided to end my life. Not when, but soon my stuff will arrive.

    Called the samaritans so many times but they can't help me. noone can so i guess theres only one thing to do
  2. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    Could you tell us why you feel this way?
  3. Dunbar

    Dunbar Active Member

    its just me. i dont find pleasure in anything and i cant remember ever having done. I constantly feel like i need to better myself in every way and no matter what i do its never enough. i self harm and i think its to do with this.
    Im in a relationship thats just shit, i cant get myself out of it. i want to be in it but i hate it- doesnt make sense but i dont know how else to put it.
    I hate this world full of evil and corruption and i dont care anymore, it cant change no matter how hard you try. lol i havent tried but still theres no point, stronger people have failed and the bottom line is im not happy, nothing can make me happy and when i think about dying i dont feel anything. no fear or anything like that. Thats like me really- no feelings. I feel like i need a jolt, something to take me to another life or no life at all.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Dunbar and welcome.
    Have you talked to your girlfriend about the relationship problems, a problem shared is a problem halved or so I like to tell myself lol :)
    Please keep trying, you sound desperate atm :( like many of us,but there is always hope. Don't give in to those thoughts,fight them harder.
  5. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    samaritans aren't the only game in town.

    maybe check out www.befrienders.org

    has a list of many hotlines in many countries

    maybe keep posting here?
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Good point :) what country are you in Dunbar?
  7. Dunbar

    Dunbar Active Member

    I'm from the UK. That link took me to the samaritans.
    I've been told by them that they can't help me. Nothing anyone suggests or mentions makes me feel any different, and I have no interests to just pass life by with.
    Sometimes I do want to be someone important, like a psychologist that makes an incredible breakthrough- someone like Freud or Pavlov i guess.In reality I'm just going to be dreaming that my whole life and it's not enough anyway it wouldn't ever be
  8. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Found this on-line

    Are you worried about yourself or someone you know?
    Depressed or not coping with life?

    0800 068 41 41
    for practical advice on what to do ……

    HOPELineUK is a confidential helpline service staffed by trained professionals who can give support, practical advice and information to anyone concerned about themselves or a young person they know who may be at risk.

    The helpline is open Monday – Friday from 10am – 5pm and 7pm – 10pm, and 2pm – 5pm on weekends.

    Calls are free from BT landlines, other networks and mobiles may vary. The helpline advisors will call you back if you leave a message.

    Who can call?
    Young people (35 and under) <li>Family and concerned friends <li>Medics and mental health professionals <li>Schools, Colleges and Universities <li>Others who work with young people


    don't really know anything about them. Hope it helps though.
  9. plshelpme

    plshelpme Well-Known Member

    you are somebody important to someone...or, you could be...work with children...they are INCREDIBLE because they need you and appreciate you when you make a difference...you don't have to make a HUGE difference...making a difference in one person's life is enough...sometimes you don't even know you made a difference...in 7th grade, a camp counselor pretty much saved my life and she had NO IDEA WHATSOEVER...cuz she really didn't do anything except hang out with me...but that was enough to make a difference...

    i encourage you to find someone/something to help out with...it will make someone/something depend on you, and that will make life worth living, just a tiny bit at least...
  10. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    Did the Samaritans say that because you need to start helping yourself?
    I don't mean to sound horrible when I say that, it's just that the Samaritans can't go to the doctor for you or go to therapy for you etc. Somethings you're going to have to do yourself.
    (And you should definitely do both of those)
    You say that you want to be someone important...but you're just going to be dreaming that for your whole life.
    What makes you think that you're not important? I think you're important. You're a human being, we're all important. We may not be Freud but there's a lot of psychologists have no time for Freud anyway. Plus dreams are so important. I constantly dream about all sorts of things. Sometimes a good day dream is the only thing that will get me through the day.
    There are lots of ways that you can be making a difference now. Go and volunteer somewhere. Start making a difference at the lowest level and see how high you rise.
    You say that you have no interests yet you do have at least one interest. You have an interest in Mental Health Issues. At the moment there's a big campaign going on in the UK called Time To Change. Get involved in that, or something like Mind.
    If you don't want to do that, go to the local animal shelter and offer to walk the dogs or comfort the cats or bond the rabbits. (you'd be amazed at how difficult it can be to bond rabbits). There's a load of things that you could be doing that will make a huge difference to the people/animals that you help and you never know where it might lead.
    Also, get some meds!!!! xxxx
  11. Dunbar

    Dunbar Active Member

    I've been to therapy and been on drugs to help but it hasn't helped me. I don't like the feeling of phony happiness, that's why I hate drugs.

    Yea dreaming is good, but when reality hits things just feel so pointless and I don't feel like I'm in any state to volunteer right now. I can barely get myself out of bed.

    I feel so alone. I hate it when my girlfriend is away but when she gets back I know I'm going to wish I was on my own again.

    I want to see the positive side of life. I had an interesting convo with someone today. We were talking about what happens after we die and I was saying that I would like to have left something positive for the world. My friend argued that what's the point as we won't be here to notice it. It made me think, and if that is the case then life is just pointless to the person living it. Why do anything if it's going to be nulled when you are dead? Why care about other peoples feelings if you will kill yourself? Why care what people find out after you are dead? I feel like I need to hide things about my life when I die so that noone finds out, so I can't think like him.

    I have no idea where I'm going with this, was just something that has made me think a lot today =/
  12. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    I don't know about anyone else but I'm still noticing pennicillen, haven't forgetten X Rays either. I definitely remember the phone on a regular basis and the tv almost daily.
    I'm sorry but 'what's the point we won't be here to notice it' has to be the stupidest argument I've ever heard.
    If you make a difference, no matter how small, to just one person it doesn't become null and void when you're dead.
    Honey, this is the illness talking and you need to step back and recognise that. You've got to ride out the dip. If dreaming gets you through the dip then dream away, worry about reality hitting later.
    If you seriously don't want to take meds, then think about looking into diet instead.
    Ride it out, you'll get stronger soon xxx
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