I have decided for quite some time now that I don't want to live. I know that there are reasons for me not to leave this plane. I have good family and I love them very much. I love to play xbox. I love my daughter and would like to see her grow older. I have great friends that help me and would help me in time of a crisis. I just no longer understand why suicide has to be a crisis situation. Why does there have to be so many raw emotions that accompany it. I do not find it anymore disgusting than an elderly person that takes there last breath while there heart beats out. I don't want to be that person who lives for many years and sees the progression of mankind. It's already been a disappointment in the life that I've lived so far. I mean should I live just to make others happy around me?? I know that most of us are considered selfish, and Im ok with being selfish. I don't think it is right for others to ask that we stay here because they want to be selfish with our lives. I don't know where I will go when I die, but I'd like to think that I will be the same way I am now on the otherside. I dont want to be some old person on the otherside. Luckily for the ones who wish to keep me here for there own selfish reasons, Im not going to be killing myself. It's quite a conundrum for me considering I don't want to live but I fear the methods that I would have to use to do it. So I guess I'm going to be here unhappy contemplating every second of every minute of every day suicide, even when it appears like I will pass the storm be thrown into the thrulls of an even deeper depression in which I will be locked until the next storm to be thrown even deeper. It doesn't help that quite frankly I do not care about other people, seriously. When someone dies I don't care, when someone I know dies I don't care, when there is famine and disease throughout the world and they publish these things I don't care. If you fell down beside me I would laugh, and then I would ask if you are ok(only because that is what we are supposed to do, Right?) When it comes to someone that has problems i will help them and give advice but only to make me appear to be a normal person. I don't know where Im really going with this but would like some help.