I have developed a little bit of a reputation of late...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by meaningless-vessel, Mar 29, 2013.

  1. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    .. for being harsh, cynical, and judgmental, with some of the things I myself have been posting around the site. I plan to share a few things as to why I am being this way inclined.

    So people are portraying themselves in an online world, with which they use their own words to describe a situation. How many of us, truly, would have a notion that this is just a human's own take on how they see their life, and their own actions? How many of us, believe what is written in front of us, and react to it in a way similar to 'PM me if you want to talk' or, 'I'm here for you'? One thing that is pure fact, is that very few of us, if any, would know for certain if what is typed, is true, twisted, or complete nonsense. Yes, it's a rude awakening, because we only have what people tell us to go on. It is down to each individual if they believe this or not.

    Does it mean we necessarily have to agree? No, because people will either not know what to say, or someone somewhere will have a differing opinion.

    Does pointing out some of the potentials for their own mistakes being a choice that led to the consequences that they don't like mean that we are actually being unsupportive? Again, no, because if they want to complain that the consequences of their actions are not what they wanted, it seems more beneficial to be direct to the root cause of the problem so that they can look constructively at what they did, especially if it's happened a similar way more than once, in order to have something to try to work on to have a chance of avoiding repeats of the same kind of outcome.

    I know I am not perfect. I know I do have my own flaws. And yes I will repeat that as many times as it would actively be necessary, for people to read and digest that this is purely my own opinion, but that there is also the possibility that I could be speaking some sense in the middle of it.

    It is also worth noting, that when people have a differing opinion to the one originally posted, or to anybody else within a forum thread or a chat conversation, that it brings out an aggressive characteristic of defiance, which could be denial or defensive, instead of allowing the simplest of facts, not everyone will agree with everything everyone else says. That is not based on any form of fiction, I have people disagree with me, just like I disagree with others. It doesn’t actually mean there has to be uproar and an aggressive argument about it, although for some it’s human nature. And I myself have been on a fair few occasions just as defensive, just as aggressive, but I think that is me being reactionary to how people are towards me when they disagree with me.

    I am also of a mindset that while people have been through various experiences that I may not have, do I not have a less biased perspective of a bigger picture? I mean, people who associate their depression with an experience that I haven't had, are likely to have a negative 'doom and gloom' spin on it, instead of opening themselves to the possibility that there is another angle that doesn't have to attach itself to negativity.

    The final point I am endearing to make here for now though, is that while there are people who will claim that they are 'neutral' or 'unbiased' - if they have an opinion on any topic/post in the forum or chat, they have some degree of bias, thus negating the neutral/unbiased approach. Why? Because to have depression in any format, regardless of how bad, that affects the clarity and situational judgements
  2. snarrylover

    snarrylover Well-Known Member

    I took issue with you in another thread because of how you believed that people set themselves up to be abused by putting themselves in a certain position. There is no opinion with this matter - there's a right and there's a wrong. No one places themselves in that position. Whether they are drunk, alone, wearing revealing clothing, whatever - none of those things puts a person in the position to be abused. Not ever. The only person at fault is the person doing the abusing. Many rape victims are afraid to come forward because of society's mentality towards rape culture...that the victim must have led them on/done something wrong/they were drunk so it's their own fault. I cannot stress enough how wrong that is.

    Maybe you didn't mean it like that. Maybe you worded what you said wrong? Maybe I took issue a little too quickly? Yes, it touched a nerve. But you see...if I had been abused and someone said to me that I put myself in that position by being drunk, I would hate myself and start to feel like I deserved it. No victim of abuse should ever feel like that.

    Moving on...

    We all say harsh things to one another at some point. You say them quicker, and maybe that's just your way of helping - tough love, and all that. If someone is complaining about things that have been happening but hasn't made any effort to change things...yes, I agree that a harsh talking to is needed. An outsider does have a less biased opinion. Maybe it's all some weird version of "Good Cop, Bad Cop" - some of us offer to listen, offer sympathy. Others, like you, make us look at what we could have done wrong in the hope we can fix things. I've seen you dish out the cold, hard truth. All of that is needed.

    What I don't understand is jumping in straight away with the harshness. If someone came to me and said they didn't have any friends, I wouldn't turn around and say "it must have been something you did, it's your own fault." We don't know what happened until that person opens up, and then it's only their version of events. Maybe they did do something, maybe they didn't, I don't know. What I do know is that there are those who can't handle a harsh talking to. Many of us are in delicate and unstable places - storming in and giving orders isn't going to help and could possibly make things worse. Not all of us are in the situations we are in because of things we have done ourselves. Outside forces play a huge part and dismissing that isn't doing anyone any good at all.

    Also...I don't like arguing with people on here. We need each other.

    And I'm sorry I swore at you in the other post.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 29, 2013
  3. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    You took issue because I dared to suggest that their choices prior to the incident of abuse were what they were responsible for, leading to mixed reviews as to whether it was quite as believable as first portrayed, or whether there was that slight possibility that it could be someone playing for sympathy with a different perspective upon what could have happened.

    It's not quite so much arguing, I'm just finding that society as a whole gets defiantly aggressive and defensive when the cold hard truth is pointed out. The truth hurts. And in general, on or offline, people don't approve of hearing such harsh realities. I know there are some instances in which I don't. However, how people choose to react is what gives us defining talking points.
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    One thing is certain... nobody deserves to be raped or abused. We all make mistakes and often don't make the right decisions... but in situations of rape or abuse, the blame should be placed on the abuser, not the person who was hurt. There was a situation on our news recently about a 16-year-old who was drunk and was then raped by 2 teens. Granted, the 16-year-old shouldn't have been drunk. But she didn't deserve to be raped... nobody does. She made a mistake by drinking, but it's sad there are people in the world who would choose to take advantage of her and hurt her in such a horrible way.
  5. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    Unimportant what if you had a daughter that was brutally date raped and when she told you, your response was. Well I'm not sure about this 'incident' where are the police reports, fingerprints, and DNA to prove it actually happened. You'd be a very horrible mother or father(unsure on your sex) if you answered in any similar fashion whatsoever you answered my thread in.

    You have no knowledge of the details of my life, why I would have enemies who would want revenge and so many other details of that night. Which I don't have to tell you because I don't have to prove anything to anybody especially a stranger on the internet.

    Many murders are solved and there is no victim to relay any information at all. When you know what happened up to a certain point and you did a follow up investigation yourself it's not rocket science in order to figure out what had happened.

    When I went to this "pizza place" a day or two afterwards I went into the bathroom and took video and it was quite sketchy looking in there with what I saw. I also talked with the guy working at the front after I had done that. Well he first told me he was there that night, then his story changed and he wasn't there, finally it changed again and he was there. At this point he got mad at me and then I got mad back at him and told him "that his family is messed up" before leaving the store. Anger and changing your story so many times are a big tipoff for someone who is lying or has something to hide. Also the guy who I met up with that night at that club who I was never really friends with or hadn't seen in almost a decade told me I went to the washroom and came out with a swollen hand and I Just took a bite of pizza and left and said nothing. Sounds like a total BS story to me.

    I'm not sure if you guys are familiar with what is know as Just World Hypothesis(or Fallacy), but here's some information.


  6. ryan.

    ryan. Well-Known Member

    (Mod Edit, WildCherry.> I hope you abandon these viewpoints and certainly don't wish to push you closer to the edge, given the fact that you are a poster on this site) but quite frankly I have no sympathy for rape apologists. Having said that no I am not biased in this matter, never been raped, never had family raped or abused, but your position on this matter is the definition of appalling and reactionary. I hope you one day gain the understanding to view this as such; if not, then whatever, I probably won't have any sympathy for you, with whatever you go through, since you're clearly a person who lacks proper empathy.

    I'm a man, yet a feminist. All men and women should be feminists, unless of course, they're ignorant and don't understand what feminism means. Feminism is not solely the empowerment of the female sex, but rather the end of gender roles. As a man, I welcome that, since I'm sick of having to portray myself as some sort of 'macho' male.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 2, 2013