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I have finally given up on my life getting better...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by randomguy9, Feb 2, 2011.

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  1. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity

    I have finally given up on my life getting better. I would say most people's problems are due to bad circumstances which are fixable.... but mine, bad genetics and lack of ways to get direction are not.

    I have known for quite sometime that I am not marriage material. I'm not attractive, I'm not sweet, and I am not good with females. Just not seen "that way".

    I realize now that close friendships do not exist or long. All my friends have moved, and the one I have left will be getting a job that mandates a lot of traveling.

    The one thing that used to keep me going was my grades. You may be familiar with how much stock I put into them.. anyway talking to a councilor this semester has shown me that they met nothing and were nothing more then a waste of time. I am at the point where I need to know a major to get any advice... and I have no fucking clue. I used to think my grades would lead me to a career so I would at least have one area to keep me going.

    The assessment tests have been pretty damned useless but I got one final one to try... procrastinating it till i feel i can take it without being set off.

    I am a loser with no girlfriend, no career, no future.... I think about committing but different relatives keep coming to mind as reasons not to. they will keep me... I don't want to say going but will keep me alive for now.... but Id b e lieing if i didn't think I wont be dieing by my hand at some point in the very near future.

    I have no talent, no direction and have tried all that i could to get it. After giving up on so much that most look forward to.... I see nothing left to live for.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry you are feeling so awful now...you know there are many ppl here who care about you and are there for you...please PM me if I can help...big hugs, J
  3. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity

    I have an odd request for anyone reading this. As i think i said in my first post Im scared of being triggered by this damned assessment test. If the careers arent interseting im going to be triggered no doubt.

    It is odd, but I dont want anyone i know in person watching me while I do this (What do you mean you don't like ______? You do! No I don't, thats you remember?) but I dont want to be alone and risk that trigger if it fails.

    Im going to be in this sites chat around noon pacific time tomarrow (febuary 3rd 2011).... if people can just be there in case I go off I would apreciate it. I need to take this and at least try it before dropping out.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 3, 2011
  4. kote

    kote Account Closed

    if you can figure out what time it will be in japan when you need someone i can promise to be here for you. we can chat and see whats what. everyone has a future sometimes you have to be bold and jump in at the deep end.
    anyway we can chat and see what your test is like tomorrow. please PM me what time you need me and i will be there. take care and good luck!!!
  5. kote

    kote Account Closed

    hey i did a careers test at 15 years old - it said archaeologist, and guess what i went on to uni to complete my degree in archaeology - but ended up teaching in japan then crack it all fell down. i had a breakdown. but i get to use archaeology now and again although not paid. now im concentrating on kendo physically and mentally. just to bring me back up!!! so who knows where you will be in several years time. the journey is the fun part when you have no other responsibilities. now i have a family so i cant just get up and go. but i live for them although im suicidal daily. some days are much harder than others. but with the support here whatever i do and whatever triggers me i am helped!!!
  6. LilithsGhost

    LilithsGhost Member

    OMG WE have the same reasons for feeling this way. I am serious please contact me. If you want my number you can have it. You don't understand these are the same exact reasons why I wanna do it..Please lets talk we have a lto in common if what you wrote is true. YOu are speaking my life
  7. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity

    ok no privacy atm will take it at some point today... sorry
  8. Caster

    Caster Well-Known Member

    I am in the EXACT same boat as you. It's so similar it's hard to believe. I'm horrible with women, did really well in college and my grades were the only thing keeping me going and making me a little bit happy. Well I should've thought more carefully about what to major in and looked at things in the long run. I can't do shit with it now so basically it was all for nothing. I work a shitty dead end job. I guess all I did was waste a lot of time and money, at least according to my parents.
  9. reggie123

    reggie123 Member

    I went to college very briefly and got straight A's while taking a grand total of six classes over three semesters. This was done in my mid thirties about five years ago. For some reason I got complacent again and did not go back.

    Anyway I can empathize with your post because those grades, even considering how brief a time they cover, are one of the few successes I can point to in my life. I'm 39 now and I've never had a long term relationship with a girl. I've had brief affairs, but never a bonafide GIRLFRIEND. As a matter of fact, I've never taken a girl to a movie, nor have I ever gone on a vacation with a girl. Everytime I've sensed an opportunity to hit it up with a member of the oppposite sex, an overpowering fear of rejection basically paralyzed me, and rendered me socially anxious and incompetent.

    It may seem like everyone in the world has had a long track record of having stable relationships with the opposite sex. Trust me, there are people out there who can go their entire lives without a single one.
  10. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity

    you are more then welcome to pm me.
  11. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Speaking of relationships.. All the ones I have been in cheated on me..I've never found Miss Right...I gave up looking twenty years ago when I started isolating myself in my room.. After twenty sum years I just don't miss it..I have my dog, And plety of books, TV, Computer, And video games.. Thats enough to keep me busy..I don't miss the game of trying to make a relationship..
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