I have finally really decided to end my life.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by createdforopinion, Oct 26, 2009.

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  1. createdforopinion

    createdforopinion Active Member

    They just keep boxing me in and making the light at the end of the tunnel smaller. It is becoming clear to me that it is impossible to go on, impossible to change, and impossible to continue to live my life and hope that things get better. I have no options. This is it.

    So, this Friday is when I'll do it. I'm not quite sure yet how I will do it, but I think I'll hang myself. I also have a bottle of sleeping pills and I'll do research within the next few days on which kinds will kill me and such. I will go out by the shore and listen to music for awhile, walk around and reflect on my life. Then, I'll just do it.

    For the next few days I'll just be tying up loose ends and getting prepared.

    To everyone who has ever cared or offered assistance to me on this forum: Thank you.
     
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Please keep posting. Who is it that keeps boxing you in?

    :hug:
     
  3. JM18

    JM18 Active Member

    You obviously don't want to do it... If you think you're afraid of it, then you're wrong... if you're afraid of it and life's too shit anyway you would've done it.

    Right now you're just tormenting you with setting a date... which means you're hoping that things will get better, but guess what... they wont unless you change something... and if you can't change aspects of your life, like job, family, house etc. then just leave them... start your life over new... it will be difficult no doupt... scary - definetly, but worth it?

    In 2003 or something it was calculated that a human life costs around 2.7 million dollars. That's a lot of money to be throwing away... So, let's put it this way... spend 2.699999 dollars on trying to get shit straight, and if no luck, then for that last 1 dollar buy yourself a lollipop and jump off a tall building ( a big lollipop... biggest u can get for 1 dollar)
     
  4. ODIECOM

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    well, i hope you spend all that time before friday trying to get some help.
    if your willing to end it all .. what difference would it make if you tired to get some help ? things do change, but we have to be willing to take the steps and wait.

    the sleeping pills ... i can tell you from experience that, more than likely that wont do it. get some help.
     
  5. chooselife

    chooselife Well-Known Member

    If I may quote JM18 "Right now you're just tormenting you with setting a date... which means you're hoping that things will get better, but guess what... they wont unless you change something... and if you can't change aspects of your life, like job, family, house etc. then just leave them... start your life over new... it will be difficult no doupt... scary - definetly, but worth it?"

    I have to agree. I changed my life drastically in order to heal. Packed up whatever I could in my car and headed east. Had no job to go to, nowhere to live, but I had to change. Within 2 weeks I found a job, got an apartment, and started my life over. Confronted all my fears and issues and worked through them one by one. Things are not going to change unless you make them happen.

    It's obvious that you are crying out for help. Get the help you need. We don't know the complexity or extent or your situation. Maybe you can enlighten us a bit more?
     
  6. createdforopinion

    createdforopinion Active Member

  7. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

  8. hopeless

    hopeless Well-Known Member

     
  9. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately I'd be pretty close to createdforopinion's situation, although I'm not entirely suicidal at this point in time(I tend to swing from not feeling like doing anything to not caring). I to have a problem with Social Anxiety, just not as severe. And I also have relatively bad acne/pimple scars but I'm just quite thin.

    Just some advice that may/may not help. I actually felt like killing myself at the start of the year and sometime during June(can't actually remember when). One was with pills and the other was with cutting(not very comfortable mentioning this btw). Just think of this: Ok, so your life isn't the best compared to others, your family isn't the strongest one around and your not pleased with the way you look(don't worry I know where you're coming from). How about you just forget about all that, dump everything you're doing at this point in time and just go somewhere else. This idea is pretty much stemming off what chooselife said about dropping your current life and starting a new one. There's also some help waiting with your Crisis Line(don't actually no the number and I guess it changes from state/country).

    You also say 'This is the time'. I don't think it's your time. Just think about it. You're 17(correct me if I've chucked in the wrong number). You'd have at least another 50 or so years in you. Lots of different things can happen in 50 years. Good things. I always think that If it happened, it was meant to happen. So I guess I should probly end my semi-rant here.

    Hopefully you choose to get some help(maybe I should to :unsure:) and get on the road to a better life, Good Luck. :smile:
     
  10. JM18

    JM18 Active Member

    To Hopeless:

    If someone tells you that you don't actually want to kill yourself, does that in your case means you in defiance of that... in pure and utter defiance try to kill yourself? If yes then it would mean you have more of a lack of attention, then actually something seriously bad in your life.

    However to avoid this happening, i'm going to explain my thought. My goal was to get Createdforopinion to see my point... the fact that he doesn't want to die really...

    If you just tell a person that it's ok and i've been through the same etc. then you are helping, you're giving him or her assurance, but you're not curing. In order to really help someone rid of his or her depression, they have to figure it out for themselves... If the issue is in your head (in the sense of sadness, depression, paranoia etc.) then the only way to fix it, is also inside the head, and that you CANNOT do for the person... That the person has to do for him or herself... However for that to even begin, the person must start focusing on wanting to heal, instead of focusing on wanting to end life.
     
  11. jeff2674

    jeff2674 Member

    There are more people out there that care about you then you think. And though you have been through alot why not start to think about all the good you can do in the world?

    Einstein said it best: The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.

    I believe you fit this. Everyone has a purpose in life, it's just that you have not found yours yet. Perhaps it's getting through this rough part of your life, learning from it and then helping others with their problems.

    Alot of people can benefit from you not killing yourself and turning your life around. Though I can understand how easy it would be to get frustrated when you don't seem to have the support, but you do here. That's why you came and that's why people are here to respond to you. Because they care, about you.
     
  12. createdforopinion

    createdforopinion Active Member

    < Mod Edit Hazel: Methods >

    I even went up to my parents yesterday and blatantly said that I was going to kill myself and they didn't do anything. Lately I've just been getting the feeling like they just want me dead now. No one cares. The boy ignored and treated like a joke his whole life, will now finally step up and end it all. < Mod Edit Hazel: Methods > I'm going to go peacefully, with a clear mind. I've spent my time these last few days reflecting on everything and really understanding that I need to kill myself. I hope when they see it in the paper, certain people realize what they've done and I hope they feel eternal guilt and I hope I linger over them all like the same black cloud that has been pouring piss on me for all these years. They toyed around with a human life, as if I didn't matter as much as everyone else.

    And so it's profoundly quaint that I make my final stand here, my last words. Good bye everyone.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 30, 2009
  13. filosofem

    filosofem New Member

    Seriously, createdforopinion, go to the Emergency NOW. If you present yourself just like what you wrote in the posts, you'll probably get priority treatment (without having to wait in line). Or just overdose the sleeping pills you have and get sent to the hospital. This way, you technically attempted suicide, which should be some relief for you and a warning to your parents about the graveness of your situation, and thus will be guaranteed priority treatment. You need to cool down in the head, and once you're in the hospital, the doctors will put you on sedatives to help with it. That's all I can say.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 30, 2009
  14. Jseer

    Jseer Active Member

     
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