I have found my perfect, ideal dream girl! ...But...there's a problem...

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by A_New_Man, Dec 7, 2007.

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  1. A_New_Man

    A_New_Man Well-Known Member

    Okay, when I start describing this situation, it's probably going to sound like the most cliche and trivial thing ever. But please keep reading, because I'll explain why it's such a big deal to me.

    I really like this girl. I admire her values and I love her personality and I appreciate everything about her. We share the same hobbies and the same interests, and it's really hard to find a girl who has anything in common with me. Every little thing she does makes me like her even more.

    I feel like she's the perfect girl for me. I feel like I could never find a better girl no matter how long I searched. It's as if my ideal dream girl has come to life - she's such a perfect match. I feel that if I don't try to ask her out, then I'm ruining the opportunity of a lifetime.

    The problem is that she's one of my friends. I am really afraid to confess my true feelings to her, because if she turns me down, then our friendship would probably be ruined.

    I'm afraid that whenever she sees me, she'll think to herself, "Ew, it's that guy who was harboring all these creepy secret feelings for me." or "That's the guy who I had to reject."

    She will be able to look at me and read my mind - she'll know that I'm thinking, "I wish she didn't reject me. I wish she would change her mind. I wish she was my girlfriend."

    On the other hand, if she agrees to give me a chance, there are problems down that road, as well. I've never had a girlfriend before, so I don't know how to be a boyfriend. I wish I could make her happy and be a good boyfriend to her, but I'm afraid that I wouldn't do a good job at it, because I have no experience. I'm afraid she would leave me for a guy who knows what he's doing, instead of me.

    She would probably have to be pretty patient with me in the beginning. In return, I would always be patient with her. I'll never learn to be a good partner to someone if I don't gain experience...if she would only give me a chance, then I would do my best to make her happy and treat her right.

    The way I see it, if she would just agree to give me the opportunity to prove myself, then she would instantly have a loyal guy who is devoted to her and wants to make her happy. But...I understand that she might not see it that way. She might think that my feelings are creepy, or scary, if she heard them.

    I want to ask: Does the way I'm talking sound romantic, or creepy? Do I sound passionate, or obsessive?

    If a guy or girl felt this way about you, would you feel flattered, or would you be grossed out?

    I know it helps if a guy is good-looking, but I'm not very handsome. Do you think that she might turn down my feelings because I am unattractive?

    If I confess and fail, then our friendship might be ruined. If she agrees to give me a chance, I might blow that chance and loose my dream girl forever. I'm afraid to take action, and I'm afraid to do nothing. I was hoping that I could hear someone else's opinion on my situation, and hear their advice.

    Do you think that I should confess to her, or stay silent?
  2. incombustible2000

    incombustible2000 Well-Known Member

    i think its sound great and not creepy or possessive, if you where being creepy you would not be talking the way you do, but

    one thing you must be careful not to come on to strong at first and scare her away.
    but you are right you do not want to miss this oppurtunity.

    So you must be tricky about this, so you can see if she is interested, without ruining your friendship if she is not and would rather be friends.

    so maybe there is some way you could ask her something on facebook or something, joking like, and just see what her reaction would be

    there are ways you can tell, when you talk to her, look at her body laguage,

    see what she is thinking with out saying anything.... just watch, and ask her questions...

    like if she wants to do certain things with you
    watch movies... go for a walk
    and just play it buy ear, and you know her personality better then I, but you could just kinda see what happens, and try giving her a hug... see if she gets real close or not,

    you could say I really value our friendship... but just wondering do you want a go out on a date sometime.

    you must get in there before someone else does before you lose your chance right....
  3. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Do it now before you stay in "friend territory" for too long. But you should try it. If it doesn't work out, then at the very least you got some good practice in for the next girl. You could wait for the right moment and say something totally disarming like, "I know we're best friends and all but I find myself wondering what it would be like to kiss you right now". That's more-or-less how it went down with me and now I'm married to my best friend :) If she balks, then you can always play it off later as temporary insanity and maintain the friendship.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 7, 2007
  4. Beattles

    Beattles Well-Known Member

    and thats about all i have to say
  5. A_New_Man

    A_New_Man Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your encouragement, guys.

    I'm going to tell her how I feel...even though I know she's going to reject me...
  6. Beattles

    Beattles Well-Known Member

    let us know how it goes man.. good luck with her
  7. Bograt

    Bograt Active Member

    Best of luck to you, you might want to invite her out to "coffee", just the two of you to tell her how you feel in the non-creepiest way possible. I say coffee because its not really a "date" like dinner or something, but it is time you can be alone with her and let her know how you feel. (Besides, thats how it worked for me. It started with coffee and now we're married!)
  8. Will

    Will Staff Alumni

    I can tell by what you said you're a good person with good intentions. Someone who's true to heart, and not after what's in their pants is a true display of love, and not just some instinctual desire. Rock on man, you're in the right mindset. Just give it a shot, be casual, and honest. If she values your friendship, then even if it's a no, she'll be cool about it. If she says no, try to stay friends. There's such a thing as second thoughts :smile:
  9. SoulRiser

    SoulRiser Well-Known Member

    You sound you genuinely care for her and I wouldn't find that creepy at all. I think you should try dropping subtle hints that you like her. If you find evidence that she likes you back, by all means tell her about it.

    I think the best relationships are more like friendship. A relationship shouldn't drastically change how you behave around each other. It just means you can do more stuff than before. Don't feel bad about lack of "experience". I can't speak for everyone, but I'm actually put off by people who act like they know what they're doing. :p
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