I have it in my mind

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AJE, Feb 28, 2016.

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  1. AJE

    AJE Well-Known Member

    It's in my mind to do it.
    I have a trial to face <mod edit - timeline> & no matter what happens in that I want to go ahead with it.
    I see it as my only way out, I can't continue without the woman I love.
    As I've said in previous posts, nobody can see the good in her except me.
    I'm getting help but in the back of my mind it's my escape from this pain.
    I never thought someone could affect me like this.
    <mod edit - timeline> I have no plans to carry on anymore.
    I'm not scared by my thoughts, it just feels a natural conclusion to a life I no longer want.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 28, 2016
    Nikie and Red Nightmare like this.
  2. Nikie

    Nikie Well-Known Member

    Feeling like this for along time now.. I began the dbt skill training .. It helped a lot!!!!

    . Really I can say like an alcholholic
    "l have been clean for 2 weeks.. ":D

    But sadly some shit triggered the thoughts again .. So I guess i have to start over with dbt .. If you want some of the handouts sent me a pm. I will gladly share with you..

    Big (((hugs))) if you will except them
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    hiya and welcome, I hope posting your thoughts here has helped you some bit. Do you mind if I ask what the trial is about? You can talk to us here in confidence and no one will judge you, we are all very friendly and ave experience in supporting others. I hope you get well soon *hugs*
  4. Fluffypingu

    Fluffypingu Safety and Support SF Supporter

    stastrong hunhuge hugs my pm is always open and my name is aimee
  5. AJE

    AJE Well-Known Member

    Thanks for taking an interest,
    What is the dbt training ??
    Nikie likes this.
  6. AJE

    AJE Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your kind words.
    I'm being accused of common assault on my wife but it is not true, she was just upset & wanted to get back at me
    Infact in the past it's her who has assaulted me more than once, I've never & never would lay a finger on her.
    Despite all this I still love her so so much.
    I'm getting help & it's helping me but I do get very low thinking that we will more than likely never be together again.
    I have to try to stay strong but it's not easy.
  7. AJE

    AJE Well-Known Member

    Thank you Aimee
    That's good to know
  8. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Please try again to get some help. Tell your doctor that you have these plans.

    Who knows what happens after the trial? Who knows if she changes her mind... there's always a way. Please try to reconsider.

    If I remember correctly you have children, right? don't you want to try to fight for them? To see them go through life and enjoy their moments?
  9. AJE

    AJE Well-Known Member

    Yes I've seen the doctor again & im on medication that will hopefully ease these thoughts & feelings.
    Yes, there is always hope but I do tend to always look at the negative side of things.
    I get down & I let my mind take over with bad thoughts.
    Seeing my children grow up means a lot to me & ive neglected them recently because of what's happening with my wife.
    I've let it take over my life but I'm fighting to get back to being the old happy me but it's a real struggle when your heart is breaking so bad.
    Thank you phantomlady, your support is greatly appreciated
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Damn, I cannot imagine what you must be going through and have went through. Your wife may change her mind, if it was to score brownie points, she will probably drop the charges. Please try and see the bright side ( I know that is hard right now) but you have your children to think of as well. Fight for them as said above and maybe get into counselling and or medication, it might work wonders, I hope it helps to talk about it. We care here, we really do and don't want to see any harm come your way. *hugs*
  11. AJE

    AJE Well-Known Member

    Many thanks
    I do tend to look on the dark side rather than the positive of what could happen.
    Got counselling underway & had my medication changed, it's all going to help hopefully.
    Just talking on this forum has helped me a lot.
    Many thanks for your kind words
  12. Nikie

    Nikie Well-Known Member

    Well Its dialectical behavior therapy with suicidal adolescents by Marsha m. Linehan

    Its a lot of skills training and mindfulness.

    I did very well .. In my situation I began not to feel suicidal every second of the day I even stop hiding in my room and I actually notice things around me. I noticed my daughter suddenly grow up wow amazing..

    I notised the food we eat and I have started to get in that thing of notice one day stopped and the next one begin. Then shit happened and :oops: back to the beginning..

    But the trading worked I just started with the first few pages ..
    You can Google it as well if you like to..

    Situations never change onley the way we handle them .. I don't have skills to survive life .....
    About the court
    The truth will set you free. .. I went trough court for 2 years after a mistake I made. I was the bad one. Its horrible... Good luck AJE..

    After starting the dbt skills my husband can not fight me anymore .. I dunno the answers are all inside you.. Its a skill to let them out..
  13. AJE

    AJE Well-Known Member

    Thank you Nickie
    Very useful information & thanks for your support
    Nikie likes this.
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