It's in my mind to do it. I have a trial to face <mod edit - timeline> & no matter what happens in that I want to go ahead with it. I see it as my only way out, I can't continue without the woman I love. As I've said in previous posts, nobody can see the good in her except me. I'm getting help but in the back of my mind it's my escape from this pain. I never thought someone could affect me like this. <mod edit - timeline> I have no plans to carry on anymore. I'm not scared by my thoughts, it just feels a natural conclusion to a life I no longer want.