I have needed the same answer... yet it is not out there

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by randomguy9, Sep 26, 2011.

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  1. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity

    I have wanted one thing in my adult life... one thing that could fix enough problems to make life worth fighting for. All I needed was a career I enjoy and pays enough to distract myself from all the other crap that goes wrong.

    4 years in college... still a fucking softmore with no direction. My current job and relationship has completly destroyed my relationship with a father figure.

    Once again here I am stressing about a damned quiz and assignment.. .despite only taking one class. Every week i set out to hunt for a job something c omes up to stop me.

    I have a date set... if i have the next decade of my life plannd out by then I will try to fight on. otherwise... thanks to all here who tried to help me... but I can't live for others anymore. If i am not happy then I don't want to feel anythingl
  2. Hey, I know its hard to not have a life plan but hang in there. I set a date too but somehow days before things happened that made me miss it. How's your relationship? Is that something that makes you happy? What activities make you happy? I know its difficult but if you stick to the positives maybe you'll figure out what you wanna do. And don't stress about your dad. All parents fuck us up in their own way cause they're imperfect themselves.
  3. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity

    What relationship are you referring to?

    Activities: Nothing that is more then a short break from suffering if htat makes since... a few things cause me to be ok whilei am doing it then a short time after... but nothing that is like... makes life worth living.

    Positives: every positive is outweighed by at least 2 negatives that make it obsolete.
  4. sollepus

    sollepus Member

    One thing I've learned is don't make plans. Have general idea, and then if something changes, roll with it.

    Every time I've made a "plan" and been "married (or overly committed) to the plan," something happens and then, I'm disappointed. I've only recently learned to just let things happen. They tend to work themselves out.

    Also, I don't know if you're religious at all, so don't think I'm going to try to convert you or anything, but I firmly believe everyone has a plan and purpose in life. What sucks is trying to figure it out. I've found when you stop thinking so much and just be, things have a better way of falling into place.

    Life has ups and downs, but the positives are totally worth the negatives.

    I hope what I said helps; I was recently incredibly depressed by a failed plan of mine (and I should know better). Starting treatment tomorrow. Just keep trying; it will eventually work out! (Oh and btw, I graduated college with SOOO many extra credits that now I am only 12 hours away from a 2nd Bachelor's; both my parents are highly successful and it took them a while to figure out what they wanted to be when they grew up too; so don't stress about the "master plan" especially with school) *hugs*
  5. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity

    this would be good advice if the changes were not constantly negative setbacks. It has become impossible to believe anything else will change.
    Going with the flow has not worked out either...
    At this point the extend of my prayers is "God, if you want me to return you can find me on the path you left me on when I cried out in my hour of need". The things that happend seem like evidence that whatever higher power there is isagainst me.

    I could deal with the downs if I had this one major up that everyone I know has...
    I don't have eventually... the next weeks pain alone over this is not worth a centuryof sucess in it... much less the next few years that it would take for much less sucess...
  6. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity

    The same old story... I am going to be taking a few career decision things... if they give me a path to 100K a year that will take my 2 years or less I will fight on...

    if not... then I will not live to see November.
  7. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity

    Once again around midterms my relative goes on a work and cleaning rampage that causes me to lose time to s tudy... again i try to talk to him about it and again it is in vain.

    What the hell life...

    At this point I don't even feel two weeks of this pain would be worth a life of prosperity... but I will get more of the pain and zero of the prosperity as useual.
  8. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity

    Nothing like a midterm to remind me how hopeless i am
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