I tell my wife I am trying, I want to avoid the inevitable, but she sees it in my eyes; in my actions, she knows my situation. I have never been so tired in all of my life...I am spent, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually. Quite frankly I just don`t care if I am here from one day to the next. Some nights I awake in the middle of the night and I am shocked that I feel this way. It goes against everything I used to believe; but I know I am spent. Someone please help me hold on. I wish I had passion, optimism and energy but I have none.