I have never felt any worse.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by patriciaemily, Oct 17, 2012.

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  1. patriciaemily

    patriciaemily New Member

    Okay, so, this is the first time i have ever tried looking for help, but I need it more than anything right now.
    I want to make this story short, so not very many details will be included.

    I am bisexual, and a little over a year ago, I fell in love with a girl. She said that she was heterosexual, but that i turned it all around. We kissed and stuff, and acted like a couple, but now she says that she just can't be in a relationship with a girl.
    I feel hopeless. She's the only thing in the world that matters to me. My family have never been there for me, and I have absolutely no friends. She is the one keeping me alive, but today I lost that last bit of hope, when she told me that she were in love with me, but she's not anymore.

    Another thing is, that we were "hanging out" two days ago, and she kissed me. I don't know what to think anymore, and I honestly just wanna end everything. I don't know if i can deal with this anymore. My life is a true nightmare.

    - I don't know if this is important, but just a few facts. I am a self harmer, and I'm a girl.

    - Last question; What is the panic button?
    Thank you.
  2. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Hi Patriciaemily, the panic button sends you straight to a 'safe' site, I think Google, in case anyone approaches your PC.
    I am sorry to hear about your issues with the girl. It sounds like she is unsure. Perhaps just be friends and let her sort out her feelings?
  3. saiyukicloud

    saiyukicloud Member

    Please don't do anything to hurt yourself. The world may seem like a lonely place but self harm is not an answer to it. Cheer up and wait for your girlfriend to make a response to what she did.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOur friend is still finding who she is so be a friend to her and give her space ok. You can still be friends hang out without the sexual content In the mean time get active in other activities meet new people You can talk here connect to others who may be in same situation as you and get some support hugs to you
  5. AimeeLou1984

    AimeeLou1984 Member


    It does sound like your friend is having problems coming to terms with who she is and her sexual preference. The fact she kissed you the other day shows she clearly has feelings for you but she's confused right now. I agree with total eclipse - hanging out as purely friends for a while could be the best thing. She's still in your life and still cares about you. Isn't that better than losing her completely?

    I'm straight but I'm in a similar position. I met a guy 5 months ago and we fell in love with each other. He's been hurt in the past and I've had a tough few months which have affected our relationship.He's now pulled away from me and says because of past hurt he can't be in a relationship.It hurts every day. He's currently my only real friend, my best friend and losing the spark that we have has been hard. Trying to ignore my feelings and pretend I don't love him is harder every day. I told him I wanted to commit suicide. In fact I said it a little harsher than that. It really hurt him and pushed him away. I'm lucky he's still talking to me at all. If you do hurt yourself or even threaten it you could lose her completely. Trust me, it's much better to have the person you care about more than anything in the world still in your life as a friend, rather than not having them there at all.

    To cope with my feelings I try to help other people. Try to talk to people online as much as I can. You don't have to be alone. Even if it's just people on here...people do care and are here for you to talk to. I really hope you don't do anything to hurt yourself. If you ever need to talk please feel free to message me. I'm pretty much always online.
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