I've been in intense pain before but nothing like this. Me and my fiancee are taking time apart (most likely because of my depression) and I can't do a thing to make it better. I feel completely hopeless. We were supposed to go to a local shelter together tomorrow to adopt a dog, but he's decided now he's going alone, and it's killing me. I can't do anything to make this better, the pain won't stop. He doesn't want to see me and won't give me a time in the future when he may see me again and I simply don't have the strength to painfully wait day after day. I'm a horrible person and I do deserve to die, last night I came so close, I wish I had just gone through with it now because the pain gets more and more intense with each passing moment. Even in my dreams all that happens now is death. Me watching my loved ones die and not being able to do a thing about it, then I end up dying as well. I've died in my sleep more times in the last week than I have in my entire life. I give nothing to the people who are around me, I'm a burden to my family and I'm pushed away by the people who tell me that they'll "always care about me". I don't want to be here anymore, anything is better than feeling like this. So unwanted and unloved. I've been beating myself up mentally and physically for days, it's the worst it's ever gotten. I'm bruised and cut to ribbons and I still feel just as horrible as every last moment I'm sitting here alive. I feel like death is my logical next step.