I need someone to talk to so bad, who doesn't know me. No one understands the feelings I have towards myself. I hate everything about myself. Its like everyday I find something new I hate. I'm 38 years old, in debt, with a dead end job. I can't go back to school because I would need a student loan. Unfortunately when i was younger i let my old student loan go to collections. I can't seem to keep a man in my life longer than a couple months. My longest relationship was in my early 20's and that was 4 years off and on. I try to keep my crazy thoughts to myself. Unless its a really close friend, no one knows how i really feel. I find fault in everything. I want to be happy but have no idea how to do that. I'm starting to look my age and I have nothing to show for it. I feel like i need all this plastic surgery to look ok. There isn't one feature I have that I like. Anyways, I'm seriously messed up right now and I feel like the only way out is just ending it all. Living seems so torturous. The thought of suicide makes me feel at peace. How do I stop these crazy thoughts in my head?