felt so alone in my whole life as I do tonight. I really hope my boyfriend doesn't find this; I've a suspicion he might. And I've been hiding this from him. I'm quite a cliche and I really detest myself more for it. I'm a teenage girl, bright, relatively good grades, got an offer from Oxford, but also have the classic EDNOS problems and loneliness that only intense pressure and being excluded for whatever reason from your peers will do to you. I tried to kill myself before, but it was a while ago and I really thought my life was getting back on track. I was doing well at school, had good friends... but then something hit me again and now I just feel alone. I see a potential future, but I think whatever I achieve I'm still going to be unhappy deep down because I feel so... not even actively disliked. More un-liked, if I was allowed to make up a word for it. I can't tell my friends about any of this because I don't feel close enough to any of them to cross that horrible first step into saying I have a problem and it's got so bad I want to die. I can't tell my boyfriend because he's depressed and has been suicidal for a while and, in the most stupid way, I'd feel like I was either adding to his pressures or... almost stealing his thunder. He, a few of my friends and of course my family are the only people I love enough to stay for, but I had a fight with him this morning and I feel like I'm eliminating the last few people who do care about me (and in a sense of for ME, not for human compassion.) It's stupid, I know... I've come beyond logic. It's a shame. I always thought logic was infallible. Thank you for just letting me air my views. I'm not sure if I'll do it or not tonight. But at least I had a chance to say that.