I have no friends and I know it's mostly my fault, but it hurts so much. I open up to people and they leave me. I know when I'm about to lose someone (or think;paranoia) so I seem desperate and obsessive. I always ask 'Why are you mad at me?' 'Did I do something to upset you?' I always say sorry, because I always feel I have something to apologize for. I'm not really all that mean I don't think. I don't try to be. I just want people to care about me, like I care about them. I truly do care about others, but no one cares about me. Is there really something that wrong with me? To be honest, I hate everyone. Well, mostly everyone. It part of my diagnosis. I meet someone, almost admire them, than pick out every little thing I hate about them. I have no idea why, and I don't know how to stop myself. There have been the odd few people that I have been able to overlook the bad. Half of those people have left me. I'm so alone. I wish people wouldn't leave me. I'm depressed, I'm not crazy. I put myself down a lot. When I do this, I don't look for attention, or compliments. I truly believe everything that I'm saying. If I say otherwise, I feel guilty. As in, if I tell myself 'You don't look half that bad today', I'll beat myself up for it later. I'm my own worst enemy. It's not just a show. No one in the world is able to qualify under the standards I put for myself. I'm too much of a perfectionist.