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I have no good reason to want to suicide other than I am dead inside

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Valteron, Jun 25, 2008.

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  1. Valteron

    Valteron Well-Known Member

    I think I am very different from most of the people here, who sound like they are young, perhaps students under stress in school and such. So it is unlikely many posters will identify with me.

    I am a 60-year-old man. I am university-educated. I am retired on a good pension. I have a nice condo in the city and a country home. I retired at 56, BTW. I work part-time as a simultaneous interpreter. I am not rich, but with my pension and my income from interpreting, I make close to $100,000 per year. I am in excellent health.

    About 2 years ago I started thinking more and more about catching the bus.

    Why? Because nothing in life appeals to me, and nothing interests me. I keep getting this creepy feeling that I have already died inside and that my body just has to catch up.

    I keep thinking about suicide, and it comforts me. It is as if for once in my life I would descend into the perfect sleep from which I would never awake. I see it as the most wonderful and perfect liberation.

    I do not believe in an after-life. I Before I was born in 1948, I was non-existant for billions of years. After I die, the world will go on without me for many billions of years. Non-existence is my natural state, when you think about it.:huh:

    Every night, as I go to sleep, I think about death and I recite the verse from Keats' Ode to a Nightingale:

    Darkling I listen and for many a time
    I have been half in love with easeful death
    Called him soft names in many a mused rhyme
    To take into the air my quiet breath
    Now more than ever seems it rich to die
    To cease upon the midnight with no pain.​

    The idea of death is beautiful warming, calming, sublime. I can't stop thinking about it and I don't want to.

    The moderators will probably ban me from this forum for the above pro-suicide rant, but that is not really important. I really don't think I will fit into this forum anyhow.:sad:
  2. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    You're heard, and maybe I can't relate, but I understand.

    Good luck with everything. I sincerely hope you find your peace in some way.
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you feel dead inside. What kinds of things interested you in your younger years? Sometimes a loss of interest and feelings of emptiness can be signs of depression. I can't say this is the case for you, but it might be worth looking into. I think if you give us a chance, you may not feel so much like you don't fit in. There are those of us here that are not students under the stress of school. You may also find that in a place like this, sometimes the young are more insightful than we expect them to be. I hope you choose to stay with us for awhile and give us the chance to support you.
  4. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    I actually can identify with many of the feelings you express, especially that sense of there being nothing here now to interest or sustain me. There are many of us on the forum who are 'aged'... just look in Antiquities Friends... and hopefully many with whom you may find friendship and support. And by the way, it is method sharing that is prohibited... suicidal feelings, however they are expressed, are what we are about here.
  5. jonstark

    jonstark Well-Known Member

    Have you tried this test? http://www.suicideforum.com/showthread.php?t=633
    You sound like you have depression. Depression comes out of nowhere and is a bitch to deal with. Read up on it, there is plenty of info on this website and on the web in general.
    No one will ban you for expressing yourself. Welcome, and sorry you're here!
  6. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Total Score: 68 \ 100
    Mostly it becouse of my extrime love to computers and computer games
    it the the only thing i dont want to loose, and i know there will be
    no such thing in the after life...

    Anyways, to the guy who opened the post
    Age is just a number, remember that, you can be 60 years old
    but the only real diffrancess is that you are much more expiriances with life then most of us here.
    I read somewhere an article, there was some sort of experement
    and thay found out that with age we become happier.
    I guess it have nothing to do with you.
    I think first it will be great to know why you feal that way?
    have you lost someone close to you?
    People in your age can find so many things to do...
    There are spacial places for you guys, older people meet each other
    and there is activityes and stuff to do...
    Or you can find a hobby, every day i watch the tv where there are programs
    about people who restoryng classic cars, most of them about your age.

    Well, in any case, i and many others, we know how it feals like
    so you are not alone with such fealing and many of us can talk to you
    with a real undarstanding.
    Im 23 years old, and there are people here who are much much older
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