I have no hope

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by southernboy, Jul 13, 2012.

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  1. southernboy

    southernboy Guest

    I do not have anything to hold onto to give me hope right now. I don't often to use forums like this one... I do have a degree but cannot find a job, all my money is basically gone and I have a lot of student loan debt, and I have no real prospects for work. I have gone on interviews and tried my best and say all the right things and don't say I am gay or anything let along that I am poz, but seems like they all have some excuse why I cannot get hired. The one job I wanted and interviewed for recently I was strung along for weeks and then told suddenly I did not get it. I am poz and the meds seem to work ok. I guess physically I am healthy. But I am 30 years old and had to move home again because of my financial situation. I think it would be easier to kill myself. There is a high bridge nearby I could jump from and not have to let anyone know. Don't really have any family who will help me. My dad only seems to care about my cousin who is a teacher and doesn't give a shit if I find work or not. My mom is ok in some ways but her hands are tied. No other family is there, they are all a bunch of bible-thumpers and would probably call me a sinner for being gay and not be able to look past it. Plus I hate asking anyone for help. I am very depressed. I am thinking about killing myself. I just don't want to be a burden anymore. I once had hopes of going to beauty school because I am creative and I enjoy most people, but I am scared I wouldn't make it and couldn't afford it..I don't know what to do but I can't keep sitting around with no job or prospects. Don't see the point in going for more interviews I would probably get rejected again. I really just want to kill myself right now. It wouldn't be too hard. This pain is what is too hard. I feel like a total loser. I have no criminal record, I have tried doing the right things, but I can't find work. Is it me? Do people just assume I am gay so they won't hire me? I will never be some homeless person, I will shoot myself or jump off a bridge before that happens. I just want the pain to go away. I do not see hope. Life sucks right now. I wish it didn't but it does..I have no one to talk to. Noone cares.
     
  2. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I do think a lot of employers probably do discriminate based on stuff like that, even though they won't openly admit it. What makes you think they'd assume you were gay, though?
     
  3. Neal98

    Neal98 New Member

    What is your degree in? What did you do for work before, and what type of job are you looking for?
     
  4. Joshua2803

    Joshua2803 Well-Known Member

    Southern Boy,

    Don't take it personal that you can't find a job. There are millions of people who can't find work. The economy is in terrible shape. I understand that it's hard not to take it personal when your finances are affected but your certainly not the only one who can't find work. Keep trying. You may have to accept something that is not in your field for now until you can get what you want. Pursue all leads! And here's a thought to consider. People who love the bible and what it teaches are some of the most loving supportive people you could ever meet. Don't prejudge them. Everybody's different, if you've had a bad experience don't paint all "bible thumpers" the same. REAL Happiness comes from being Conscious of your spiritual need. (Matthew 5:3) And when you do find a job and start making money remember that a meaningful life doesn't come from possessions.
     
  5. Lps

    Lps Well-Known Member

    Hey Southern,

    Just sendin you some love. Yeah, the job situation probably has little do with you...the economy is just really hard right now. So at least it's not you. I left a high-paying job several years ago to be a completely broke artist. Oh the debt. In addition to the "can i pay rent?" was the heavy burden of worry and fear. So one time, full of shame, I commented to my mother: "I feel like such an idiot to be so in debt." That one sentence doesn't capture the enormous painful burden I was FEELING. Anyway, here's what she said: "EVERYBODY's in debt right now. EVERYBODY feels screwed. People who are way older and supposed to know better than you. Why would YOU put pressure on yourself to feel any different?" the acceptance in that, I just burst out crying.

    Almost everybody awesome has felt like a total loser at some point. It's not reality, and things CAN get better. I know it sucks shit right now.
     
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