I do not have anything to hold onto to give me hope right now. I don't often to use forums like this one... I do have a degree but cannot find a job, all my money is basically gone and I have a lot of student loan debt, and I have no real prospects for work. I have gone on interviews and tried my best and say all the right things and don't say I am gay or anything let along that I am poz, but seems like they all have some excuse why I cannot get hired. The one job I wanted and interviewed for recently I was strung along for weeks and then told suddenly I did not get it. I am poz and the meds seem to work ok. I guess physically I am healthy. But I am 30 years old and had to move home again because of my financial situation. I think it would be easier to kill myself. There is a high bridge nearby I could jump from and not have to let anyone know. Don't really have any family who will help me. My dad only seems to care about my cousin who is a teacher and doesn't give a shit if I find work or not. My mom is ok in some ways but her hands are tied. No other family is there, they are all a bunch of bible-thumpers and would probably call me a sinner for being gay and not be able to look past it. Plus I hate asking anyone for help. I am very depressed. I am thinking about killing myself. I just don't want to be a burden anymore. I once had hopes of going to beauty school because I am creative and I enjoy most people, but I am scared I wouldn't make it and couldn't afford it..I don't know what to do but I can't keep sitting around with no job or prospects. Don't see the point in going for more interviews I would probably get rejected again. I really just want to kill myself right now. It wouldn't be too hard. This pain is what is too hard. I feel like a total loser. I have no criminal record, I have tried doing the right things, but I can't find work. Is it me? Do people just assume I am gay so they won't hire me? I will never be some homeless person, I will shoot myself or jump off a bridge before that happens. I just want the pain to go away. I do not see hope. Life sucks right now. I wish it didn't but it does..I have no one to talk to. Noone cares.