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I have no idea what to do... :(

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Hurted, Feb 14, 2011.

  1. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    I would really need a help... I'll try to make this post as short as possible.

    At the begging of summer, i was at the concert where i met this girl. We were both a bit drunk, and we started kissing soon after we met. We gave each other phone numbers and we met a few days later. The story was simmilar. After that, we went on 3 dates. However, before each date, she was unsure if she should go or no... For example, i asked her out and she said she has no time... Then the next day she aksed me if i have some time. I realised she was extremly shy and beside that she was overcoming her ex. It was a bit weird though. When we talked on facebook PM's she showed a lot of interest, we often talked about things that we could do together like going to concert etc... But when i asked her to go out, she always turned me down.
    I'm pretty sure she was interested in me... we talked a lot during those 6 weeks, and our conversations were sometimes pretty intimate. When school started in Semptemer, we were busy and somehow "lost contacts".
    After that, we only called each other a few times when we went out to same clubs. Nothin happened between us, we just talked.

    1 week ago she called me, after a very long time, and asked me if i wanna go out to club with her on friday with her friend (who i know pretty well). So we went out and the old story happened again. After that (last 9 days), we've been talking a lot. SMS, facebook etc... We were talking about school and we realised that every friday she goes near my school to her guitar lessons, and she asked me when do i finish school, obviously hinting that she wants to see me. But i'm afraid that if i ask her out, she will once again said she doesnt have time or something. I don't want to pressure her or something. But i'm so in love with her, i can't get her out of my head since i saw her for the first time in July. BTW, i'm 20 years old while she is 17.
    What should i do? I never had girlfriend before (i have high standards and beside that i'm ugly). What should i do? Do i even have any chance? I will appreciate your views.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 14, 2011
  2. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    The first thing that came to mind when I was reading this was that there is a chance the girl is nervous and frightened of being around guys in a romantic sense. Obviously I don't know her and can't know for sure, but it seems to me as though there's a chance she's coming up with these excuses that she's busy because she's anxious as to how it'll go. I used to do the same when I had friends and love interests, etc.; I'd blow them off because deep down I was afraid.

    Either way though, if she's showing an interest in you again, that can only be a good thing right? I'd say go for it and ask her out someplace and if the same old happens again, just be honest with her. Tell her she's always busy and you wanna know what's going on - are you friends, potential lovers, or what? Cause it isn't fair of her to be back and forth all the time.
  3. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    I think you are right, because i've been thinking the same things. She "opened" to me, if you know what I mean, and she really told me a lot of personal things so i know that she was hurted in past and that she is really shy.
    You advice sounds like something that would be really be a smart thing to do, but there is a problem - I'm really afraid of what she'll say. I wish i could meet her in some casual situations, that don't look like date - but unfortunately, that's not possible. We don't go to same school etc... I will start thinking about addmiting to her that i'm developing some serious emotions towards her...
    Thanks for answer btw. :D
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    It also sounds like she need to have things on her terms and can go out with you when she decides...maybe as she gets more comfortable, she will allow you to participate more in the planning...J
  5. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    So you're trying to say it would be good if i would wait until she asks me out?
  6. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    Does anyone else has some opinions?
  7. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    I too think that it sounds like she's a bit nervous. It might be something like the age difference, or maybe you're not the kind of guy she'd usually date, so she's not too confident about it. This might explain why she's hesitant, and needs to feel in control.

    Personally, I think you should keep chatting to her, and maybe ask her out for more casual occasions, rather than 'dates', as this might make her more comfortable and more likely to come. And then she'll get to know you better and want to go on more dates. Does that make sense?

    In my experience (as a girl who was once 17), 17 year old girls often prefer to get to know a guy as a friend first, as it means we're really comfortable and trust him. So meeting up with her as a friend, even with other people in a group, might be a good idea. It's worth trying anyway, I think.

  8. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I say go for it, see what happens. There's no bad blood or any reason to believe that things aren't good, from what I see.
  9. house_atraides

    house_atraides Active Member

    I know people are going to smash me for saying this but be a little perceptive of her. You don't want to be the shoulder she cries on, you want to be her guy. So give her a incentive to see you. Use your funny side or surprise her with a date that involves something she loves. Keep things new and interesting and she will never leave you alone. Your not ugly! Your an awesome guy who is going to get this girl! Believe that and it is going to happen. Keep us all updated.
  10. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    Firstly, thanks for all replys. You are really helpful. :D

    I just realised i forgot to tell something that may change things a bit and i need to update the situation.
    As i said earlier, we haven't talked to each other until like 3 weeks ago when i clicked her on MSN after a long time. Short chat turned out into long conversation and she really opened up and told me she met someone 1 month ago, they went out on few dates and now he ignores her. After that we talked a few more times (not anything too personal though) and she said we could meet again. So we went out, things were normal until we got drunk at that club after hanging out for few hours (i talked about that in first post)... Well after that (last 2 weeks) she is giving me a lot of attention... as soon as I log on MSN, she clicks me... She also sends me SMSs every day, we just talk about most random thing, but it makes feel happy, because it feels nice if someone thinks about you... She's been also making references to our kissing... For example today she sent me a link to a song that was played in that club when we started kissing and asked me if i like it... But then again, i noticed she posts a lot of unrequited love statuses on facebook. Few days ago, we were chatting over SMS while she was waiting for a concert and she said that there are plenty of hot guys over there... And that's the main reason for confusion. Obviously she likes me and is at least partialy interested in me, but i just get confused because of those statuses related to that guy...Is she in love in him or what and if she is why is she flirting with me?
    And here is an update. She asked me today if i wanna go to the concert with her on saturday. Now i'm just waiting what will happen. It's just so strange that she invintes me and then 30 minutes later she posts a lyrics from a song about unrequited love. I don't know... I guess things will make more sense soon, just hope that in a way i'd like...I'm really nervous as saturday is approching... :D

    I think you are correct with first part. I'm not the type of guy she ussualy dates.
    Your advice sounds good, i should maybe think about situations that don't look like obvious date.

    Thanks. :D

    You know, that's actually a very interesting thing... . I will try to think about a "special date".