I have no idea what to do...

I'm stuck and I'm dead tired of it. I remember every year just why I f*ckin hate my birthdays lately. Every one marks another year that I've been an utter looser.

All I can do is sit and think of everything that I've still not accomplished.

:sad: I'm in a job that is dead end. One that I feel paranoid that everyone is against me (which is partly true as 3 co-workers spread rumors about me all the time)

:sad: I barely make enough to just pay my bills and the looming debt I am in. So any dreams of me getting out of this state- possibly country- and the dreams that it will let me get a different life is always just out of reach.

:sad: I'm stuck in a relationship that I don't know if I wanna stay part of. Yet since she was a friend before I can't find myself breaking it off because of the fact that I don't wanna loose a friend.

:sad: I have no friends that live in town. All together I only have 3 friends- none of them in the same state. So I spend all of my time alone, sitting at home since I really hate going out doin stuff alone.

It's like every year I just grit my teeth and try to carry on. But it's getting harder each year. As I grow older and realize that I'm never going to have anything change. I was born a looser and always will be a looser.

 

Hey! You want to move out of the state? Just do it. Get up and leave. If money is a serious issue, Leave the country. Go somewhere that it is cheap to live (India, china, Africa)...yes, the initial Plane ticket will cost a ton, but once you're there, you're solid...you could find a job teaching English. They prefer Americans (I'm assuming you are American cuz you said "state") to teach English over locals who have learned the language. I know for a fact in south Korea that people want Americans as English teachers.

When I'm suicidal, I leave the country. The change somehow temporarily fixes me. At least, ling enough to get me to a slightly better place in life. Just do it. No fears. Just go. Don't think too much. It's not as daunting as it sounds. You could even start out working through a program, so you could get used to the country before you have to figure out where to live (assuming the program provides housing).

If you feel hopeless and feel like giving up, please just give this a shot. If you're at that point, it can't hurt...

Or join the peace corp...

(forgive any typos...writing from iPod touch)

 

Can you look the other way: what you have accomplished. You do have 3 friends! and you do have a job! The people that spread rumors about you are wrong.
You can build a life on your own if you want to. You can search for a new job, you can go to another country (as metioned by plshelpme), you can talk to your girlfriend and try to stay friends. You are capable of changing your life.