i have no life

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by justastrangegirl, May 31, 2013.

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  1. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    i finished high school 5 years ago.. wow 5 YEARS AGO... and I haven't done anything. I'm nothing. I'm not even a shadow of what I used to be. I was always the best student, valedictorian, good in sports, but never popular. Always a "forever alone". Either way, now I'm even less than that.. I'm nothing.

    Many of my classmates are married, or have children or are finishing their undergraduate degrees.. and I'm here, working in my parents' company (which I hate) and hoping to get my students visa to go to Australia.

    I know I may seem lazy, I've been called that by my OWN FAMILY, but I'm just depressed. I don't feel like waking up in the mornings, I don't want to wake up anymore. I just want to stop hurting. I want to have amnesia and forget all those bad memories that marked my life and slowly killed my soul.

    I don't want to think about my ex anymore. I don't want to wonder if he ever felt something for me, nor try to find the answer as to why he stopped talking to me if we were "friends". It's not as simple as "just do it", something inside of me is afraid of what's next. Of not having him in my life. I NEED to know what happened. This question is eating me alive, and I can't find relief, he's the only one who can bring me to life or leave me in the darkness. I need closure. I want to talk to him carelessly like I used to. But I'm such a loser and a coward. He's one of the cool kids, and I'm nothing :'(
  2. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    also, he's beautiful... I'm an ogre now... I've destroyed my body. I want to have my orthognathic surgery done as soon as possible, so I can have a new and beautiful face.
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    You aren't a loser because you haven't done much...I have been out of high school for 10 years, and I still have done next to nothing with my life. So I totally know the feeling of inadequacy and wanting to measure up to your peers...but I realized it's kind of unrealistic. Do things at your own pace, things that you personally enjoy and don't feel like you have to fit into some mold. And you aren't an ogre, so please don't think of yourself that way :hug:
  4. iliveinmydreams

    iliveinmydreams Banned Member

    I know how you feel.
  5. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    :( you're not a loser...I know what you mean, I had a hard time coming to terms of not being able to work a 9 to 5 jobs like most people...aside from my mom no one understood either, I was called lazy and pathetic by the people around me...and I felt like that too, until I got meds and then it took 7 years of isolation and concentrating on myself, removing the bad people from my life etc...

    I was such a wreck, I would buy paper plates, utensils and cups because I couldn't even do the dishes anymore...but now I'm getting better, I go out, I dress the way I want to, buy what I want and I'm surrounding myself with good people...at least I'm trying, so far so good...

    maybe going to australia might be a good move? if you're ready...you never know...changing of scene could be good...
  6. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for replying.

    Yes, morning rush, moving to Australia is something I'm eager to do. On one hand, I'm scared and worried that my family won't take care of my dogs as I do. I put too much effort into taking care of them, especially of my beagle, because she's a show dog and has recently won a Brazilian and a Panamerican championship, and all as a result of my effort :). On the other hand, like I said before, is something I can't wait to do. This is my opportunity (maybe my once-in-a-lifetime opportunity) for a new start.

    I'm completely isolated now, people moved on with their lives and I was left behind. Most of my classmates don't remember me, nor invited me to any social events whatsoever. I have this habit of removing bad people, or people who hurt me, out of my life at once. I'm not interested in having a relationship with someone who I know is going to hurt me :(

    This feeling of being useless and a loser is an effect of the society I live in. Everyone is fighting to be the best in their areas. I went to a private school until 3rd grade, and could you believe that even until now some parents are still focusing or are interested in what am I doing with my life?? According to my dad, they always compared their children to me because I was a straight A student. So, I guess seeing me being nothing must be delightful to them :(
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