Im 18 years old. I hate my life, but love my existence. Dont get me wrong. Being alive is a wonderful gift. However my life is terrible. I have no purpose of existing. My family hates me. Mostly because a fraction of them are blind/ignorant, and because ive had conflicts with other family members. And because I smoke Marijuana and experiment with Psychedelics, my whole family has labeled me a druggie. Even my grandparents whom I thought would never turn on me, regardless of what anyone says I thought they would always trust me and have my best interest in mind. I get treated like shit. I get called names all the time by my own family members, yet ive always tried to uphold a moral style of life. I have never intentionally hurt anyone. In my life. Never. Knowing that im not a bad person and that its most likely my environment is the only reason I feel like this. Its not even really about depression. I hate my life because nothing works out. Ive lived in poverty all my life. So depression dosnt exist in my mind. I just have the understanding that the world is just unfair. However, now im at the end. I was working for a family member (whos an asshole all the time), but now im fired (for a very unjust reason). Probably about to be kicked out too. I have nothing, I believe it to be my surroundings as of why my life sucks so much. But now where do I go when I get kicked out? I always thought even if I did get kicked, I could just crash at my grandma's, or a friends. But it turns out blood and water are both thin. My family has abandoned me, and friends arent "real" enough to help. They only come around to use you, but when you need something? Forget about it. I cant go to college, because the old college I went to has my transcripts and refuses to send them to a new college until I pay off $600. Which I dont have AT ALL. Its bs cuz they told me my financial aid and student loans would pay for everything, plus I would have money leftover. Turned out being the opposite. If I could move out, find a cheap apartment, get a job in that town, I could possibly do something with my life. But my town dont have shit. And the town I have in mind I cant get to because no vehicle. I know I could do something with my life, but everything just goes wrong and fucks it up. This isnt as much a depression thing. The reason I feel suicidal is because there is no purpose to my life. And I would rather be dead than homeless.