I have no reason to live.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Xistence, Jun 7, 2011.

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  1. Xistence

    Xistence Well-Known Member

    I'm not going to kill myself yet because of the effect it would have on a few people in my life. I can only manage to get through the days by clinging to small shreds of happiness and then moving on to look for something else to pass the time while I wait on death. There is no real reason for me to live out the rest of my life, but I'm reluctantly carrying on because I can die whenever I want. The option to make it all go away will be there always, but I want to be sure that it's the right decision since there is no way to go back once that choice is made.

    Everyone dies eventually, though, so it gets really tempting to leave the party early sometimes. :/
  2. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Mmmmmmmmm............ the only two sure things in this crazy world are change and death.So i guess, at least we have a choice there.
    I don't know your story and the reasons behind your thoughts, but i have shared similiar beliefs at times.
    I know that my fear of the pain it would cause my children, was the only thing that kept me alive, and i mean the only thing.
    I can only imagine that those around us would spend their entire lives in a "living bereavement"
    That said, its easy to play the guilt trip........................ but its the reasons that make you feel like this that have to be addressed.
    I don't look for happiness anymore, trouble is, whenever i seek it, i can't find it!
    Nowdays i seek contentment, that can be through the smallest thing, like cooking good food, or being nice to someone else.
    I can't workout if there is an afterlife of any kind Xistence and the thought i would carry those decisions into that space concern me at times.
    We have to look deep inside ourselves, look at why we are unhappy, be it loss, memories, certain mental health issues and so on, only by being kind to ourselves and others can we find an inner peace.
    I used to worry so much about the future, about how bleak and empty it was.
    I would spend hours, days and weeks, even months sitting, contemplating..............but doing nothing about it WHATSOEVER.
    Those times were stomach churning bouts of hurt, emptiness and self pity.
    Finally, when i could hurt no more i decided to take it day by day, to have concerns over my future but not worries, to make everyday count.
    I am still a work in progress, i still make mistakes...too many at times!
    But tell you something, i am beginning to improve my future and im doing it today.
    I so wish you well.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 7, 2011
  3. clairedelune

    clairedelune Wanderer

    No, I suggest you don't go for that option. There might be a lot of happenings you wouldn't want to miss. And what about those who care for you? Can you bear to see them in pain when you're gone? Though, there goes the fact that everyone dies surely. We have to enjoy what we have at the moment and live our best. You deserve this life. Trust me. There's more to it than you know.
  4. Xistence

    Xistence Well-Known Member

    The small things each day are what make life tolerable. I like to look for something tiny to brighten the rest of the day up, like watching a good movie or playing a game, and just pushing out all the worries about things never improving. Even if it all goes to hell in the end, if I can be happy in these passing moments it works out. I just try to figure out how to live in this exact moment and then repeat it over and over again. Before I realize it, weeks have passed and I find myself moderately content with life. All the better if the things done in those moments helps to push away the depression and anxiety or improves the future moments.
  5. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    For me, many of us spend too much time "worrying" more often than not, we worry over things out of our control.
    I think "goals" work really well too, but again, i think many people make the mistake of trying to achieve too early and get it wrong.
    In modern day life, with its speed and intensity, i see nothing wrong in taking a space, taking time out.
    Without this space, how can we possibly find the time AND the intention to look at ourselves, our lives and those around us.
    Its about becoming the person you want to be, this isn't easy, takes hard work, honesty with oneself and more often than not, a great deal of forgiveness.
    By forgiveness, i mean not only to others but yourself too..............rewards endless.
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