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I Have No Right To Complain

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Forgotten_Man, Sep 6, 2012.

  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    This is just empty bitching about my lack of motivation. So please do not feel the need to comfort me or anything.

    God I am so worthless and such a failure. I am so far behind and it is because I have been lazy. Dicking around playing video games and watching anime. Instead of doing my job and stuff like that. Instead of working and doing what I have been assigned at work. I have just been putting things off doing nothing but being lazy and doing nothing. Now I am behind and I only have myself to blame for it. I can come up with excuses to pretend but I have just not done the work. I have not asked for help I have not done anything. I do not feel like doing anything I do not want to do anything. I just want to die because I hate my life so much. So now my professional life suffers a great deal because I have done nothing. Oh well, I do not care, I do not know the system. I do not know anything I am just a piece of trash. I have screwed the company over on deliverable many times. I just lie and say I over-estimated the tasks difficulty.

    Then there is my costume for the anime convention. Another thing I have put off until the very last minute again. In all reality I might not even get to wear it because I forgot to order the wig I needed until it was almost too late. I choose a company that said that my Wig should arrive in 2 to 5 business days. However, with these small companies you never know when they are going to arrive. Not that I have much done on my costume. Yes I have the start of the base done, but that is it really. Nothing more than that. I still have hours of details work and hours of sewing left just to get it done. TO add insult to injury I am going to be out of town next week and the convention starts next Friday, I will be home before then. However, now I have until Sunday night to make a costume I might not even be able to wear. Funny how things work out when you are a loser like me.

    The best part is even if I come together and get things done and make things right. I still will feel nothing. All the stress that I feel from having to do this stuff is just punishment for me. It is all just punishment. I deserve this punishment because I am a loser and I need to be punished for being so lazy and unmotivated. I get no sense of accomplishment out of it. Because if I was actually worth something and actually tried guess what I would not be in this situation. I never learn my lesson, I never learn anything. I am just a lazy asshole who does nothing.

    I would blame it on my roommate annoying the piss out of me, but I could just do the work when he is not home. I have no excuse other than myself. God I wish my cat would die so I could die and be out of this world. I am so tired of living and me sucking like this does not help.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi K...I know apathy and procrastination very well...those are my chief defenses...it seems for me, I put things off until they bite me in the a** to prove I am useless...a vicious cycle in which I never win...please think about talking to someone about this...from what you have written, you have so many strengths...strengths which exist whether or not you acknowledge them...please feel worthy of using them
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Uhhh so this just more bitching right now. Why can't I be more proactive? Seriously, I am screwing myself over every time I do work. I hate it sometimes. I should really be more active in my work. You know if I was as far along on my costume as I am now last week I would not be so upset. Because I would be far enough along to know I can finish it this week. Too bad I suck at life so much.

    Plus there is my job work. Yeah that is not going to be something good. I am screwed there as well because there is not reason for me to even try. You would think that with the way I work. The way I just wing it and hope for the best. Oh well, at least I am off that project. Now I get to work in an office and see what happens when I am thrown to the wolves.

    Sadeyes, I do not know what to talk about, honestly. I talk to my sister, she just tells me she would be sad. I talk to people on forums. No one offers me any compelling reason to keep going. I talk to myself, and I cannot find any reason to keep going. I am not sure what talking will do for me ever... I think all of its usefulness has been used up and my tolerance is too high.