This is just empty bitching about my lack of motivation. So please do not feel the need to comfort me or anything. God I am so worthless and such a failure. I am so far behind and it is because I have been lazy. Dicking around playing video games and watching anime. Instead of doing my job and stuff like that. Instead of working and doing what I have been assigned at work. I have just been putting things off doing nothing but being lazy and doing nothing. Now I am behind and I only have myself to blame for it. I can come up with excuses to pretend but I have just not done the work. I have not asked for help I have not done anything. I do not feel like doing anything I do not want to do anything. I just want to die because I hate my life so much. So now my professional life suffers a great deal because I have done nothing. Oh well, I do not care, I do not know the system. I do not know anything I am just a piece of trash. I have screwed the company over on deliverable many times. I just lie and say I over-estimated the tasks difficulty. Then there is my costume for the anime convention. Another thing I have put off until the very last minute again. In all reality I might not even get to wear it because I forgot to order the wig I needed until it was almost too late. I choose a company that said that my Wig should arrive in 2 to 5 business days. However, with these small companies you never know when they are going to arrive. Not that I have much done on my costume. Yes I have the start of the base done, but that is it really. Nothing more than that. I still have hours of details work and hours of sewing left just to get it done. TO add insult to injury I am going to be out of town next week and the convention starts next Friday, I will be home before then. However, now I have until Sunday night to make a costume I might not even be able to wear. Funny how things work out when you are a loser like me. The best part is even if I come together and get things done and make things right. I still will feel nothing. All the stress that I feel from having to do this stuff is just punishment for me. It is all just punishment. I deserve this punishment because I am a loser and I need to be punished for being so lazy and unmotivated. I get no sense of accomplishment out of it. Because if I was actually worth something and actually tried guess what I would not be in this situation. I never learn my lesson, I never learn anything. I am just a lazy asshole who does nothing. I would blame it on my roommate annoying the piss out of me, but I could just do the work when he is not home. I have no excuse other than myself. God I wish my cat would die so I could die and be out of this world. I am so tired of living and me sucking like this does not help.