I have no where else to go.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by transparent, Feb 21, 2014.

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  1. transparent

    transparent Well-Known Member

    I've been away for two years though that hardly makes any difference seeing that no one here will remember me. I am seriously begun reaching the end of everything. I know in the past I tried to see myself off, but I was a cockroach and nothing killed me after several half-assed attempts - I'm living off of borrowed time now.
    This time is different.
    I have no one. I am alone. I breathe like a human, but no one treats me like one. I am Transparent to everyone around me; from my family to my co-workers. In the last week, I've tried to analyze my life and I've reached the horrible truth that I'm nothing and that's exactly what I was meant to be in this miserable life.
    This pain is undeniable. My heart and soul are aching, wanting out of this life. I was just a doodle on a bar napkin.
    I haven't eaten in about four days, sleep comes in an hour or two...if I'm lucky, it's paired hours. I can't functiion, I'm loosing what little of my mind I had left. I just want out of this all. There is nothing here for me. I've been waiting almost 14years for something or someone to save me from myself...to show me a light in this bitter world. To be accepted for how I am. To be held. And to to be kept for even just a little while. Am I asking too much?
    This is all there is for me and as far as what I've seen, it isn't enough. This life I've been given isn't enough.
    I'm tired an I just want this farce to stop. It was never funny to begin with.

    Is there anybody.....Out There?
    I don't know how to exist.
     
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi. I am sorry things are SO painful. The words you write. so very painful. I do not think it is asking too much to be accepted for how you are. To be held. And to be kept for even just a little while. I think it is a basic human need. I think that there are many people here who do have that very same expereince. I do not know if reading this makes you feel less alone. Or just sad that there are many others. sighs. I wish I had some great words of wisdom. But of course I do not.

    What I can say is that I am glad you are back. It seems we joined around the same time. you in May and I in June of 2009. I hope you will come here often now. I am here manyyyyy times a day. It is a very important factor in how I get through each day. Being here. It helps. Even though it is not irl. Still for me it makes me feel a bit less alone. A bit less invisible.
     
  3. transparent

    transparent Well-Known Member

    I don't remember too well what "not alone" feels like, but thank you for replying. You've probably given me the most human interaction I've had in a while.
     
  4. unionfalls

    unionfalls Well-Known Member

    Like flowers says above, coming here to post makes me feel less alone, I hope it will for you as well. I so understand the sleeping problem, its about 3am where I live and I'm wide awake again. You are not asking to much to be held and loved. To be accepted for who you are. You seem awesome to me. The pain sucks, I know, I wish you do not have to feel that. All I can really say is that I am thinking of you and wishing for your pain to go away. :hug:
     
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