I have not had suicidal thoughts/depressive episodes for over 2 months. Recovery is possible!!

[iloverachel]

If you check through my previous post history, you would see I suffered from extremely bad depression and anxiety. I had been on 8 different medications such as lexapro, fluoxetine, Sam-E. I went to two different psychologists, did some CBT, meditation etc.

I think the single most effective thing for curing my depression was INTENSE exercise. When I trained lightly, my depression eased a little bit. But it was when I forced myself to train 6 days a week, lifting VERY heavy and pushing myself thats when i realised my symptoms eased greatly. It is really difficult at first I know, but as you go to train more often and frequently it becomes a habit.

List of steps I took
-Intense physical exercise (includes walking 20 min to gym and back, heavy 1 hour weights session at least 5x a week)
-Double dose of antidepressant (I no longer need them
-Exposure therapy. I couldn't hide in my room forever. I did things I felt extremely uncomfortable doing, such as going to crowded places by MYSELF
-Listening to uplifting music
-Fixing my sleep - this is very important. I used to wake up at 4pm every day and felt like total crap. Now I wake up early, have a coffee and feel ready to tackle the day
-Keep in touch with friends. If you have friends you can talk to or hang out with this helps a lot. If you don't have friends, maybe try to strike up conversations with strangers in the right setting. Social contact is important
-Be consistent with the above steps. Some days you are dark and you will feel like giving up and feel the journey to recovery is pointless, just keep going

In the past I hated my life. I would sleep the whole day and had nothing to look forward to. I had NO energy, no motivation. Suicidal thoughts were daily and i had to consume drugs on a regular basis (mdma) just to find a way to make it through the day.

I wish you guys the best. I believe it is possible to heal

 

[iloverachel]

Here are some links to my old threads posted in april just so you can get an idea of how bad my mental health was
https://www.suicideforum.com/commun...point-of-living-if-no-one-truly-cares.163362/

"No one effing cares
Might as well drop dead
And those who do care always end up leaving
Life is hell. Hate every second of it. I want to slam my head into a brick wall. I am so angry that I have depression and anxiety and can't be happy and enjoy life like others. why was I born into a life of misery and pain.

Sorry I just had to vent, and I don't want my friends to leave me by being so negative and draining "

https://www.suicideforum.com/commun...-almost-every-single-day.163291/#post-2008039

"I am so sick and fed up with feeling like total crap nearly every day for the past 5 years
And no I am not complaining without doing anything about it

Every day is hell for me. And it is my own fault. My suffering is self-inflicted. No one or no external source is making me feel this way. I really want to get better but after 5 years it feels pointless
The only reason I have not taken my own life is because I have 2 friends and parents who would be devastated and I would not want to disappoint them, especially my mother who has raised me from when I was little up until now. "

 

[Walker]

Hey man,
I'm really pleased to hear you're feeling much better now. Of course feeling better is possible - and I'm glad you're seeing that. If you start to feel bad again later then remember that you've beat this once and you can do it again okay? And remember that we're always here for you.
Cheers,
Matt

 

[Lekatt]

If you check through my previous post history, you would see I suffered from extremely bad depression and anxiety. I had been on 8 different medications such as lexapro, fluoxetine, Sam-E. I went to two different psychologists, did some CBT, meditation etc.

I think the single most effective thing for curing my depression was INTENSE exercise. When I trained lightly, my depression eased a little bit. But it was when I forced myself to train 6 days a week, lifting VERY heavy and pushing myself thats when i realised my symptoms eased greatly. It is really difficult at first I know, but as you go to train more often and frequently it becomes a habit.

List of steps I took
-Intense physical exercise (includes walking 20 min to gym and back, heavy 1 hour weights session at least 5x a week)
-Double dose of antidepressant (I no longer need them
-Exposure therapy. I couldn't hide in my room forever. I did things I felt extremely uncomfortable doing, such as going to crowded places by MYSELF
-Listening to uplifting music
-Fixing my sleep - this is very important. I used to wake up at 4pm every day and felt like total crap. Now I wake up early, have a coffee and feel ready to tackle the day
-Keep in touch with friends. If you have friends you can talk to or hang out with this helps a lot. If you don't have friends, maybe try to strike up conversations with strangers in the right setting. Social contact is important
-Be consistent with the above steps. Some days you are dark and you will feel like giving up and feel the journey to recovery is pointless, just keep going

In the past I hated my life. I would sleep the whole day and had nothing to look forward to. I had NO energy, no motivation. Suicidal thoughts were daily and i had to consume drugs on a regular basis (mdma) just to find a way to make it through the day.

I wish you guys the best. I believe it is possible to heal

Yes, Yes, it is possible to heal. I am very happy for you. There are even more ways to do it. Love and the best for you.

 

[Auri]

That is all great to hear! Happy for you. I like that it shows that curing depression doesn't come without doing anything, as appealing as that sounds. All great steps to take, you should be proud. It is and will be worth it.

 

[lost_in_a_fairytale]

funny I was just thinking of you recently and wondering how you were these days, thats great! I'm so pleased for you. I agree with everything you said, those things do make the world of difference. I'm not out of my depression yet but very slowly things are getting a bit better and I'm hoping to perk up a lot the rest of the year. well done you

 

[neutralbuoyancy]

If you check through my previous post history, you would see I suffered from extremely bad depression and anxiety. I had been on 8 different medications such as lexapro, fluoxetine, Sam-E. I went to two different psychologists, did some CBT, meditation etc.

I think the single most effective thing for curing my depression was INTENSE exercise. When I trained lightly, my depression eased a little bit. But it was when I forced myself to train 6 days a week, lifting VERY heavy and pushing myself thats when i realised my symptoms eased greatly. It is really difficult at first I know, but as you go to train more often and frequently it becomes a habit.

List of steps I took
-Intense physical exercise (includes walking 20 min to gym and back, heavy 1 hour weights session at least 5x a week)
-Double dose of antidepressant (I no longer need them
-Exposure therapy. I couldn't hide in my room forever. I did things I felt extremely uncomfortable doing, such as going to crowded places by MYSELF
-Listening to uplifting music
-Fixing my sleep - this is very important. I used to wake up at 4pm every day and felt like total crap. Now I wake up early, have a coffee and feel ready to tackle the day
-Keep in touch with friends. If you have friends you can talk to or hang out with this helps a lot. If you don't have friends, maybe try to strike up conversations with strangers in the right setting. Social contact is important
-Be consistent with the above steps. Some days you are dark and you will feel like giving up and feel the journey to recovery is pointless, just keep going

In the past I hated my life. I would sleep the whole day and had nothing to look forward to. I had NO energy, no motivation. Suicidal thoughts were daily and i had to consume drugs on a regular basis (mdma) just to find a way to make it through the day.

I wish you guys the best. I believe it is possible to heal

congrats 🎉🥳🎊

 

[Atreides]

Hey @iloverachel I'm glad to hear your life is turning around. Healing is possible and your story is proof of that. I'm curious; what uplifting music has helped you?

 

[iloverachel]

This site has been really helpful.
Initially I came here to see others I can relate with so I dont feel alone. Staff were always friendly and supportive. Useful tips in every thread posted by others etc.

Reason this suicide forum came up to my mind was that i went to a job interview yesterday at a crowded shopping centre, took public transport, and bought items from like 5 different stores, did multiple laps around the shops with no anxiety or sadness whatsoever.
Few months ago, I remember going to a packed shopping centre with TWO good friends, and my anxiety was so unbearable I had to crawl up and hide in the car park, and when my friends convinced me to come out I had to close my eyes or stare at my phone to distract myself from anxiety.
I honestly did not think my mental health and anxiety problem would ever get better

 

[iloverachel]

Hey @iloverachel I'm glad to hear your life is turning around. Healing is possible and your story is proof of that. I'm curious; what uplifting music has helped you?

For me, I listen to lots of trance music, even some rnb.
In the past I used to listen to lots of rap music, and it did make me more aggressive and bitter at the world. I slowly deleted all the gangster rap songs like those from 2pac, 50 cent. I replace them with uplifitng songs like the ones below.

In the past i would listen to songs like from artists like 2pac, the game, 50 cent. While they do make good rap music, I find their songs make me more aggressive and on edge, and while the added aggression can help at the gym i was always snapping at those close to me, and i would always feel bitterness and resentment towards the world and i blamed them for my anxiety when in reality it was me thats was the problem and not them.

So music choice did help a lot

 

[Atreides]

For me, I listen to lots of trance music, even some rnb.
In the past I used to listen to lots of rap music, and it did make me more aggressive and bitter at the world. I slowly deleted all the gangster rap songs like those from 2pac, 50 cent. I replace them with uplifitng songs like the ones below.

In the past i would listen to songs like from artists like 2pac, the game, 50 cent. While they do make good rap music, I find their songs make me more aggressive and on edge, and while the added aggression can help at the gym i was always snapping at those close to me, and i would always feel bitterness and resentment towards the world and i blamed them for my anxiety when in reality it was me thats was the problem and not them.

So music choice did help a lot

Back in the late 90's, I listened to a lot of angry heavy metal music. Korn was my favorite back then. I eventually stopped listening to that and started listening to more classic rock, indie, and jazz. I was a lot less angry. Today I mostly listen to kpop. About a week ago, I turned on the radio and a Korn song played. I hadn't heard them in about 20 years. I listened to the lyrics and how hopeless they were. I couldn't believe I used to listen to that. Your choice of music definitely impacts your mental health. Btw I really like some of Armin van Buuren's stuff.

 

[So so tired]

If you check through my previous post history, you would see I suffered from extremely bad depression and anxiety. I had been on 8 different medications such as lexapro, fluoxetine, Sam-E. I went to two different psychologists, did some CBT, meditation etc.

I think the single most effective thing for curing my depression was INTENSE exercise. When I trained lightly, my depression eased a little bit. But it was when I forced myself to train 6 days a week, lifting VERY heavy and pushing myself thats when i realised my symptoms eased greatly. It is really difficult at first I know, but as you go to train more often and frequently it becomes a habit.

List of steps I took
-Intense physical exercise (includes walking 20 min to gym and back, heavy 1 hour weights session at least 5x a week)
-Double dose of antidepressant (I no longer need them
-Exposure therapy. I couldn't hide in my room forever. I did things I felt extremely uncomfortable doing, such as going to crowded places by MYSELF
-Listening to uplifting music
-Fixing my sleep - this is very important. I used to wake up at 4pm every day and felt like total crap. Now I wake up early, have a coffee and feel ready to tackle the day
-Keep in touch with friends. If you have friends you can talk to or hang out with this helps a lot. If you don't have friends, maybe try to strike up conversations with strangers in the right setting. Social contact is important
-Be consistent with the above steps. Some days you are dark and you will feel like giving up and feel the journey to recovery is pointless, just keep going

In the past I hated my life. I would sleep the whole day and had nothing to look forward to. I had NO energy, no motivation. Suicidal thoughts were daily and i had to consume drugs on a regular basis (mdma) just to find a way to make it through the day.

I wish you guys the best. I believe it is possible to heal

Hi.
This is great, thank you for sharing your ideas.
May I wish you continued health and happiness

 

[KM76710]

That is good to hear that you are doing better.

 

[Paisley]

For me, I listen to lots of trance music, even some rnb.
In the past I used to listen to lots of rap music, and it did make me more aggressive and bitter at the world. I slowly deleted all the gangster rap songs like those from 2pac, 50 cent. I replace them with uplifitng songs like the ones below.

In the past i would listen to songs like from artists like 2pac, the game, 50 cent. While they do make good rap music, I find their songs make me more aggressive and on edge, and while the added aggression can help at the gym i was always snapping at those close to me, and i would always feel bitterness and resentment towards the world and i blamed them for my anxiety when in reality it was me thats was the problem and not them.

So music choice did help a lot

Hey, I read this and thought I should share an ambient/rap/uplifting musician I like a lot, Nujabes. He's dead now sadly but it sounds like you might be interested in his stuff, so give this a listen maybe:

 

[LonelyHiker]

Glad you're feeling better!

 

[iloverachel]

UPDATE*** This thread is from August 2020.

Past 2 months my depression and anxiety are at its worse again. I am relapsing and falling back into old bad habits and thought patterns. The past 2 months life feels meaningless and I have lost my motivation, happiness, laughter etc.

I am bumping this thread to remind myself recovery is possible as I have recovered before, and hopefully you guys can see its easy to feel depressed, then have good periods, then be back at rock bottom again.

We must continue to do things that help our mental health even if we have healed. I will continue to push myself at the gym when i would rather sleep at home.

I went to the doctors and just got prescribed Zoloft again, and bought a gratitude journal where I write things I am grateful for

 

[A_J_R]

UPDATE*** This thread is from August 2020.

Past 2 months my depression and anxiety are at its worse again. I am relapsing and falling back into old bad habits and thought patterns. The past 2 months life feels meaningless and I have lost my motivation, happiness, laughter etc.

I am bumping this thread to remind myself recovery is possible as I have recovered before, and hopefully you guys can see its easy to feel depressed, then have good periods, then be back at rock bottom again.

We must continue to do things that help our mental health even if we have healed. I will continue to push myself at the gym when i would rather sleep at home.

I went to the doctors and just got prescribed Zoloft again, and bought a gratitude journal where I write things I am grateful for

Depression is a beast. It does come back and that makes it so much harder, feeling like you have to start over sometimes. I got a lot of inspiration from your original post, and I hope you find yourself pushing to do those things again. If not all at once, just a little at a time. And who couldn't go for some upbeat music? Sending my best to you. I hope this relapse turns a corner soon.