i have nothing to live for and no reason to stay...i dont belong here

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by impulse617, Sep 13, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. impulse617

    impulse617 Well-Known Member

    That pretty much sums it up, I can't be happy here and I don't belong here...I need to end it. I've never been as serious about ending it as I am now, I really feel like its just something I have to do. The pain, the sorrow, the tears, the depression...what's the point? Why live when that's all you feel and that's all you're ever going to feel? I'd rather die then live my life that way

    I just can't seem to keep a meaningful relationship in my life, every time I feel like I get close to someone, it always just ends up turning to shit. No matter how much I care about someone and how hard I try to be there for them and look out for them because I care about their well-being, it never seems to matter. Everyone just always goes away in the end, I'm sick of giving my heart to people only to have them step all over it and drop me from their life like I was nothing to them. It's happened time and time again and I'm sick of it, I just feel so empty, I can't trust anyone. I mean what is it about me that makes it so hard for people to care? I just don't get it and I don't think I ever will. All I ever wanted from people was love, that's the only thing I've ever wanted in my life. I never wanted money or fancy things or anything like that, I just wanted someone, somewhere to care about me as much as I care about them....I guess I'll never understand why that was so hard for people to give

    Its the worst feeling in the world to know that you could die right now and it wouldn't make a bit of difference to anyone. If I died right now, no one would shed a single tear. Most probably wouldn't even notice, much less care. No body cares whether I'm alive or dead, so why stay? What's the point of living when you could die today and it wouldn't have significant impact on a single persons life? It just feels like my life is meaningless. This is probably the most difficult time of my entire life and I don't see any way out. I mean how am I ever gonna be happy again? This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through and it would take the miracle of all miracles for things to turn around. I just don't see that happening...I know deep down that its not gonna happen. This pain is just to much, every second is becoming unbearable and I can't take it anymore, I just need to die, I have no other options....I'm sorry, I don't belong here....I have to go
  2. josephMerrick

    josephMerrick Member

    Probably wont help to read this but I'm in the same boat. I dont feel like I belong. I dont feel like I deserve anything.

    I've never been in a relationship. I don't know how old you are but I'm less than five years from 40 and haven't even as much as held hands with a woman. Like you, I have no one who seems to care. No one I want seems to want me back (I guess nice guys do indeed finish last).

    Just wanted let you know that there's at least one more out there like you. That's it. No words of wisdom or anything - I'm not that smart. Sorry...
  3. gakky1

    gakky1 Well-Known Member

    Makes 3 of us quite similar Impulse, like Merrick no answers but know what you're going thru, if I was to die right now be weeks before anyone would know:lone: and that would only be because the landlord would be looking for the rent.:unsure: No answers or witty sayings here, but we sound so much alike and I would think there are more like the 3 of us, keep us posted and you could always PM me, though I'm clueless too though I never mind listening.:biggrin:
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I know what you're saying....but hold on and fight ok...
    go get some help and keep talking on SF
    do you have any family that might be hurt if you leave?
    no-one would know for weeks or months if I'm gone....no-one
  5. Tome811

    Tome811 Member

    I would add myself as at least number 4 to the list. I imagine that no one would know I'm gone until either the smell hit the street, or MAYBE the mail carrier would report the pile up of mail in the box. The rent is due tomorrow, so that's not a possibility until next month unless I would go today. My plan is to mail my Mother's jewelry to a relative and a letter to a sister in a neighbouring state to tell her it's time and hope she would come take care of my pet before he would suffer.

    It's amazing to me of just how much no one cares. Plenty say they do, but it's just talk. I saw someone in a store last week who told me I look very familiar. Couldn't remember that we'd worked together and saw each other in other places as little as two years ago. I was in my usual shitty mood when asked "How are you?" and responded with my honest "I'm dying". When asked "Why?", I gave the reply of "Who cares?". When I got the automated reply of "I care", I told him "Bullshit! You can't even remember where we worked together, my name or anything about me?".
    How can anyone care about you when they don't know you, don't think of you except right at that moment and have no thoughts of you until you're at the end and ready to go? Another good example of how I (we) will not be missed.
  6. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I could say the obvious things to keep living, and good things could possibly be around teh corner, but thats just words. anyone can say them. And where is that corner anyway? I think in theory its true. I really do. But how long does someone have to live in agony before they find that corner and can turn it? And is that corner available to everyone???

    I am sorry for each persons suffering. I am agoraphobic. so I cnanot move from my home. I live totally alone. no one visits or calls. Except for someone I talk with on the phone who will be gone in 4 months. and will have little to do with me once she is gone. So yes, no one would notice if I died. BUT my mother would benefit from the sale of my home, once they repaired it. because I have not been able to afford repairs for years. I have the stuff to successfully kill myself. I did the research many years ago. And this is the well documented best way to do it. But I am scared that something will go wrong and I will end up a vegetable. So now I am still praying endlessly to be taken. I am so glad this website is here. Because suicide cannot be discussed in other mental health websites. Thank God for Suicide forum.
  7. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Congratulation, Flowers, the above post has just made you a senior member on this site! We have come to know you here, Flowers, and if you should hurt yourself, it will cause us much pain, and no doubt affect the people who care about you. Think about us here who care about you, and choose to live.
  8. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Thank you flowingriver. Bless your good heart.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.