Hi. In a desperate attempt to find some form of condolence I stumbled across this forum. I really need people to talk to, to understand my situation. Because I know if I don't find anybody, I will do something stupid. Heres the rundown; Simply put, I have nobody in my life. I have zero friends (apart from a few random internet ones). I do a foundation degree in music production and talk to people on the course, but whenever I try to organise something nobody wants to. I'm obviously not likeable. I'm currently on a weeks holiday and have absolutely no one to spend it with. I live with my parents at present because I can't afford to move out. I'm 21. I recently had a thing with a girl, who had told me I could trust her with anything. I told her everything about me, things I've not told anyone and I fell in love with her. Then she pushed me away and told me to go, so I did. Now I feel even worse because I trusted someone and they broke their promise not to hurt me. She did this a few times before, always starting arguments from nothing and telling me to "fuck off" but I always stuck around. But this time I thought, how is this fair to me, taking shit like this every week? I love(d) her, but it was hurting so much to endure that. I work a part time job at a local supermarket. I share nothing in common with anybody there. I love music and writing, but as much as I want to reach out and engage in these activities I have zero motivation to do so. I see my instruments sitting there, calling, but I just..can't bring myself to pick them up anymore. I want to go out and take pictures but I'm too scared of going out by myself. I hate the feeling of being lonely, and the reality is that I have absolutely nobody to be around. I'm also underweight, and people tend to remind me of that whenever they see me. It's not my fault, I try to put on weight but it never works. When I see other guys I feel inferior and pathetic. I wake up late and stay up late. I wake up feeling empty, as if my life is serving no purpose. I spend most my days just browsing the same sites online, playing games and watching youtube videos. I have attempted suicide in the past, as a kid, but didn't do it properly. I can feel the urge to try again coming back, as I slowly come to realise how meaningless everything is. I honestly can't see a point to living, and I desperately need someone to prove me wrong. I don't want to die.