I have nothing to live for. So why bother?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by becausebecause, Feb 15, 2011.

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  1. becausebecause

    becausebecause New Member

    Hi. In a desperate attempt to find some form of condolence I stumbled across this forum. I really need people to talk to, to understand my situation. Because I know if I don't find anybody, I will do something stupid.

    Heres the rundown;

    Simply put, I have nobody in my life. I have zero friends (apart from a few random internet ones). I do a foundation degree in music production and talk to people on the course, but whenever I try to organise something nobody wants to. I'm obviously not likeable. I'm currently on a weeks holiday and have absolutely no one to spend it with. I live with my parents at present because I can't afford to move out. I'm 21.

    I recently had a thing with a girl, who had told me I could trust her with anything. I told her everything about me, things I've not told anyone and I fell in love with her. Then she pushed me away and told me to go, so I did. Now I feel even worse because I trusted someone and they broke their promise not to hurt me. She did this a few times before, always starting arguments from nothing and telling me to "fuck off" but I always stuck around. But this time I thought, how is this fair to me, taking shit like this every week? I love(d) her, but it was hurting so much to endure that.
    I work a part time job at a local supermarket. I share nothing in common with anybody there.

    I love music and writing, but as much as I want to reach out and engage in these activities I have zero motivation to do so. I see my instruments sitting there, calling, but I just..can't bring myself to pick them up anymore. I want to go out and take pictures but I'm too scared of going out by myself. I hate the feeling of being lonely, and the reality is that I have absolutely nobody to be around.

    I'm also underweight, and people tend to remind me of that whenever they see me. It's not my fault, I try to put on weight but it never works. When I see other guys I feel inferior and pathetic.
    I wake up late and stay up late. I wake up feeling empty, as if my life is serving no purpose. I spend most my days just browsing the same sites online, playing games and watching youtube videos.

    I have attempted suicide in the past, as a kid, but didn't do it properly. I can feel the urge to try again coming back, as I slowly come to realise how meaningless everything is.

    I honestly can't see a point to living, and I desperately need someone to prove me wrong.
    I don't want to die.
     
  2. muv_ur_dolly

    muv_ur_dolly Member

    Hi there BecauseBecause...

    I know it must feel awful, that feeling of nothingness and no one...But, maybe you haven't found the right people yet? The girl you fell in love with,maybe she isn't the righr fit for you - maybe she has problems in her life, mentally or otherwise...But....

    You ask to prove you wrong, and I won't try to sugar coat it...

    Life is messy and unperdictable, sporadic and hard - really hard almost 75% of the time. But for all those things can't yu at least say the world in its self is beautiful, sometimes amazing just to look at and wonder? So many possibilities. I know it's really hard to see or feel right now...The point is that you only get one chance, why give up now? Live your time, make your own purpose. What do you have to lose from that? If you give up now you end up risking everything...If you keep going you have the possibility of anything....

    && I want you to live. I know that I don't kow you, and you don't know me but you seem like a really nice and open person that cares and feels...The world can't lose more of its best people.

    If you want, feel free to PM me or something - I'll try to be more articulate!

    Take care okay?

    Muv
     
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just wanted to say hi, and welcome to SF. I know things are rough right now, but I hope you'll stay and reach out to the people here. It's a good place to make friends, to feel a connection with someone who might be going through something similar.
     
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    That's the answer right there. You dont want to die. So you're here, typing and letting your story out for others to see and understrand. Hun you arent alone anymore. You've found a place where a) others understand all too well what you are up against and b) you finally have a place to speak up about yourself with no fears of having someone judge or hurt you.
    Please keep posting. Let us learn more about you and find ways we may be able to help you through this darkness:arms:
     
  5. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    How long have you been feeling suicidal again? You should talk to professionals about it. In the mean time keep posting here it's a really supportive forum.xxx
     
  6. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    just wanted to say welcome. if you keep posting you will definitely find support here, everyone is really nice and we all struggle with the same feelings. have you tried to talk to your doctor about this? i ask because anti depressants might help. just a thought.
     
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I have no friends in real life either..I have a few that I met here who we email each other.. Have you thought about getting a pet?? My "T" talked me into getting a puppy and he has grown on me.. He's my best friend.. I can talk to him and watch him crick his head wondering what I am saying to him.. Pets give you unconditional love.. You took the first step by joining here.. Talk to us and explore the other threads... People here do care..
     
  8. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    What sort of music are you into then?

    It is easy to collaborate online these days so maybe you could write a hit that way and then have to fend off 1000 groupies. I guess we share those.

    And let's face it - ugly guys with beautiful girls - its economic. You and I would be tripping over beautiful women if we had tons of cash.

    As for your 'thing' with 'some girl' - we could get a song out of that one. If you have some depression - milk that sucker because most of the songs people love are surely written by people maybe sitting on a ledge!

    What about that 'goodbye my friends its hard to die, when all the birds are singing in the sky....'. Must have been a (sorry for the phrase) bitch from hell itself. Some mothers do have them! A women like that has likely been behind a LOT of good music.

    And writing. Writers block is a killer. You can have that **** for years.

    Writing is a great thing WHEN you get the inspiration for it. I'm a decent typist, at least I can type fast and then go back to correct the stuff I misspelt. I look at the keyboard. I could not take the Mavis typing lessons seriously as I kept trying to summon up the courage to ask 'her' out.

    All we need my friend is inspiration. What is that really gets us going? What lilly do you want to gild as it were? What makes your blood boil and makes your heart sour and your soul rekindled?
     
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